Rose Gibson: Welcome to today's episode of I'm Fine But I am joined by the very beautiful Sari Taylor. Sari, welcome to the show. Sarie Taylor: Thank you very much. feeling very beautiful, but thank you anyway. Rose Gibson: ⁓ you are beautiful everywhere, inside, outside, the whole aura. ⁓ Now our paths crossed about, probably about eight months ago, maybe, and I instantly fell in love with this lady from first sight, from our first meal out. So, Sari, please, will you tell our listeners what you do and who you serve? Sarie Taylor: So I am a psychotherapist by trade. I trained as a psychotherapist many, many years ago and did that sort of in the very traditional sense for ⁓ probably nearly 20 years. And then I've gone more into the coaching field. I've got an online membership. I've got ICF accredited courses. I train other people to be coaches ⁓ and ⁓ working people in business or that want to be in business. ⁓ just help them sort of get out their own way really and see what it is that's stopping them from getting what they want and also to be able to do what they're already doing without as much stress, worry, overthinking, all of that stuff that we all get caught up in. So that's really me in a nutshell. Rose: You've just listened to I'm Fine But. If you're unsure about business or what really matters to you right now, why not take our free Core Values course? It's linked in the show notes and it's a brilliant place to begin. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode and you can follow us online at all your favourite social media platforms at BabyBeat UK. Until next time, I'm Rose and I'm fine but honestly... Rose Gibson: Yeah. think that's so important as well as a female business owner to understand your own mind a little bit more. And I think I first got introduced to that maybe about a year ago and I know when we've spoke as well. Sometimes the things that you say do blow my mind. And I think maybe I think about things on a very basic level and then you delve into things and I'm like, ⁓ I didn't even think I was thinking about it like that. So you almost open out this way of thinking that Rose: We're all just figuring it out. Rose Gibson: Doesn't always feel natural, I think, but it gets you to a place where you go, ⁓ actually, I'm understanding myself a little bit better and why I'm doing the things that I am doing. So take me back to the start then. So because you've got children, how did your career start? I know you started out as a sort of traditional job. Sarie Taylor: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did it for 20 years. And originally, I went into the field of psychotherapy because I was in my early 20s, I was hospitalized with really severe anxiety. And before that, I'd been to uni, I'd traveled the world, I'd been in jobs, I was in sales jobs, was living my best life in London, you know, just, it was all great. then it... because I was in my early 20s, I was hospitalized with really severe anxiety. seemed to escalate over, well I look now, look back now it was building up many many years, I was always anxious just didn't realise it or recognise it but it then sort of came to a head in my early 20s and that's when I ended up then spending a month in hospital and as much as that month in hospital you know I had a bit of awareness, a bit of you know I was very very heavily medicated and I just need to say I'm not against medication at all, I think it can really be helpful in certain situations. But I was so heavily medicated that I just didn't know whether I was coming or going. It was extreme, know, like full dose of antidepressants, Valium four times a day, beta blockers four times a day. Like it was a lot. So I was kind of leaving the hospital, feeling fairly chilled from being very heavily medicated. I'm like, Ooh. But I was like, what the hell now? Like what on earth do I do with this? I'd had a bit of therapy. Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: I'd say loosely the term in hospital, but it was like, what are your goals? Strive towards something. What do you want to do in the next five years? And I'm sat there thinking, you're missing the point. I can't even function this afternoon. I'm not interested in what's happening in five years. I'm so overstimulated and hypervigilant to think about my five-year plan. So that wasn't very useful for me at the time. So when I left, I thought, need to figure this out for myself, really. And then that took me on a whole exploration of trying to find what I could And then that took me on a whole exploration of trying to find what I could due to fix myself. due to fix myself. And I was embarrassed about where I was at. was still very much like only getting anxious is only for the weak. You know, it was in that sort of frame of mind. So I realized that to train as a psychotherapist in the UK, you had to also be in personal therapy. So that was my in. I thought, at least I can say I'm training as a therapist, but get some help. Well, I did that and I was in and out of therapy for like 10 plus years. And again, not wasted. You know, there was things about it that were really helpful, really useful, but it was, I was still in a cycle of burning out and anxiety every 18 months or so to the point where I literally wouldn't want to leave the house. was having panic attacks every single day, sometimes hourly on the hour. but I managed to get myself off medication because I wanted to have a baby. And then I had my daughter who is now 18 and he's off at uni. ⁓ but I had really awful. really severe postnatal depression, anxiety then. And it was, I started my own business, honestly, in the truth of it is because I wanted to fix myself, excuse me, so I did psychotherapy. And also I thought with me being so mentally unstable at the time that nobody would want to employ me. So I'd need to work for myself. So I actually went into it because I didn't think I had, I just didn't think I was that employable. Rose Gibson: That's so interesting. Yeah, and I always say that all the time. I'm like, I'm totally unemployable if I ever tried to get, I just want to things my way. But you know, for your reason, you felt like it was more of a personal reason that you wouldn't be employed. And what was the effects of, you know, the job that you were doing? You're obviously listening to other people and did you find that you were taking on their burdens as well? Or did you have quite, you know, could you differentiate that when you went home or was it something that you were carrying with you? Sarie Taylor: By the time I'd got to having clients, I was in a much, much better place. But I was, like I say, I was still burning out every 18 months or so. And a part of that was because I felt like I was taking on other people's problems or worries, or I might go to bed at night thinking, are they okay? And are they okay? And with the nicest, know, I don't want to sound like I'm not a compassionate person because I'm full of compassion, but you won't find me worrying about any clients at... in bed at night now, like it's just not enough. And it's actually something that we tell ourselves we need to do and worry. But actually it's quite disempowering anyway. I don't need to worry about anybody else. I can support. that, yeah. And lots of people in my family would say to me, ⁓ I'm not sure it's the right job for you. Maybe this is why you're burning out all the time. Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: But it was nothing to do with the other people and everything to do with my own internal experience of how I showed up every day and how I viewed the world and how much I worried and really in a nutshell, wanting to control everything. Rose Gibson: Yeah, yeah. And do you find that's a gender trait as well for more women that have that attribute? Sarie Taylor: I think we're more vocal about it. think it's more, it shows up in a different way to us, but I have worked with a lot of men and actually they quite often also want to be in control and feel anxious and overwhelmed, but it just shows up in a slightly different way. But I think in terms of, you know, taking on the load of the family. So for example, in my, my, me and my husband, from what I know of him, like I, in my head, it's like, I feel like. often everything would need to fall on me. if kids are off school ill, it's assumed I will do it. If it's, I mean, I'm saying this with a caveat because as you know, I've just had cancer treatment for the last 18 months. And so the roles have reversed and he has been predominantly doing all of that stuff now. But traditionally before that, that's the sort of stuff that would fall on me. I'd be thinking about all of that stuff. And sometimes I'd almost be a bit resentful of like, he's not thinking like this, but then he was in his own head thinking. Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: Well, I need to show up and work really hard at work and get promoted because I'm providing for my family. So it still has those anxieties and those worries and those potential to overthink things, but just in a slightly different way. Rose Gibson: Yeah, We've all got our own, almost a gender really, haven't we? We've all got our own worries. We've all got our ambitions that we're working for. we've talked a lot as a couple, as our children have got older. And I feel like we've evolved as a couple as well because we've... You you look at things, especially when they're little and you've been up all night with them and you're like, but I'm tired. Like, I've got it worse than you. And, you know, you've got to get to this point and go, it's never a competition. You know, some days you will do more than me, other days I will do more than you. But how can we show up 100 % each to work together? Sarie Taylor: I think some of it is also dropping that kind of, ⁓ and this idea and expectation of how it should look and what you should be doing. So if I, so I've also got a three year old and my experience with her was very different. You know, I wasn't anxious, I wasn't depressed, I wasn't all of those things, even though research or professionals would say that I was very high risk of experiencing that again. But I knew that that wasn't going to be the same experience for me because of what I now know to be true that is very, different to what I knew 18 years ago. but one of, if I had to sort of say in a nutshell what the difference was, I dropped all expectation this time around. I was like, what will be, will be if I need help. So I'll give you an example, a very specific example of when I had my now 18 year old, the... if I had to sort of say in a nutshell what the difference was, I dropped all expectation intrusive thoughts, you know, our world shrinks when we've had a baby, we are in this bubble, which can be a lovely bubble, but can also be very isolating, tiring, exhausting bubble. And when you're in a in a bubble like that, and you're in a lower state of mind, which is natural, you have much more insecure thinking, you're more likely to have intrusive thoughts. Now, at the time when had my 18 year old, I didn't understand that. So for me, I thought, well, I'm having these thoughts, you know, I remember being it was about, she was probably about six weeks. I was absolutely at the peak of exhaustion and I was laying in bed and I had this thought pop in, what if you sleepwalk and you go downstairs and you get a knife and you kill your baby and your husband? Rose Gibson: Do know what, sorry, this is so weird because I remember with my first, she was in a bouncer on the floor and I was cutting potatoes. And I remember in my head thinking, imagine if I just dropped the knife. Like obviously I'd have to drop it with a lot of force and it kills her. And I was like, what a weird thing. And I said to my husband, I'm like, am I going mad? Like what a weird thought to have. Sarie Taylor: Hmm. No, it's not. It's survival. It's your brain's way of going. This thing is so precious to me that I have to be so on alert. And when we go on alert and we're hyper vigilant, the brain will just throw out all sorts of creative, illusionary examples and it's normal. And so, you know, in that, but at the time when I didn't understand that, I forced myself to stay awake because I was scared to fall asleep. Rose Gibson: Wow. Sarie Taylor: So I've stayed awake for about probably two to three nights. Well, I say stayed awake, I will have dozed, but I was so aware that I didn't want to go to sleep. And the irony was I've never slept walks in my whole entire life. so, yeah, I just had this thought that, ⁓ maybe that would happen. And then that very quickly escalated to me feeling unsafe, not wanting to be on my own in the room. And at the time, dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was pregnant. Rose Gibson: Yep. Sarie Taylor: and he was still alive, but he was very much on his way out. died when she was nine months. And so I was on edge, so hypervigilant anyway, because of everything that was going on. So I know that the levels of stress were really quite high, but again, I didn't understand that at the time. And because I'd had anxiety before and I'd been diagnosed with all sorts of stuff, which I don't have anymore, but generalized anxiety disorder, acute panic disorder, because I'd had them, I just assumed that this was just the broken part of me rearing itself again. This was always going to happen and that's what professionals will say. You just need to learn to manage it. You'll always have anxiety. So I was very much bought into all of that. And that then escalated very quickly to me going back to the doctors, getting medication. And actually my mum took my daughter for a bit and I would go every day and I'd be there and I'd be with her, but then I'd have to. I couldn't, I was so overwhelmed. had to come out. You know, she'd come and sit and read a book with me and I'd be literally dying inside the whole time until she'd gone. But I was just, it was awful, awful time. Now fast forward to having Aria, who is now three, now bearing in mind, I got cancer when she was 18 months. It's not been easy, but it's not been fueled with anxiety and panic and stress because... I understand how human nature works. And so I can remember being, we've got a chapel and it's like, this sounds so, I feel sometimes when I say that, I'm like, oh God, do I sound like? We've got this chapel in Wales and there's like a mezzanine, a glass mezzanine. And I remember when she was probably again about six weeks and we were there and I had this thought going, oh my God, imagine if you just dropped her over the mezzanine or just threw her over the mezzanine. Had this such vivid image of like a splat on the floor, was awful. Rose Gibson: What? Sarie Taylor: But I was instantly like, oh, wow, I'm tired. Because I know that that happens when you're tired. And then my reaction was to say to my husband, I remember it so clearly, he'd had her the night before. And I remember saying, I know you had her last night, but could you have her again tonight? Because I'm absolutely exhausted. I just feel like I need another night. And he's like, of course you can. And that was it. That was the only intrusive, scary part of that whole experience. Rose Gibson: Yeah, okay. Yeah. Sarie Taylor: And the reason it didn't escalate and build is because I saw it for what it was. It was a love letter from my body going, you're really tired. That's it. Yeah. It's like, it's not that you're crazy. You want to harm your child. You're tired. That's it. And allow yourself to ask because, and again, when I was Rose Gibson: Yeah, reframing it completely from being like, ⁓ my god, I'm crazy. Sarie Taylor: you know, so anxious the first time around, I almost trying to prove myself constantly that I probably wouldn't have asked my husband to do an extra night. like, it's my turn and I should be able to do it. And it's like, why on earth do we get that from? Like we're exhausted. We've, we've carried a child. We've delivered the child. We've gone through all of this. Like we're not expected to just to bounce back and be entirely back to how we were for a very, very long time after. And so. Rose Gibson: Yes. Yeah. Sarie Taylor: Main difference was dropping all that expectation and also understanding that a thought is a thought. It is not a reality. It does not define me. It's not a thought that I want to have because I'm a certain type of person. It's just a thought that comes into my awareness that I can do what I want with. Rose Gibson: which is such a simple theory, isn't it? That we overthink so much and we're like, actually, it's just a thought that I can just get rid of now. It doesn't need to have any place in my world. ⁓ So you were working, you've had daughter. What was the sort of aha moment when you went, I need to do this and this is what I'm going to do? Sarie Taylor: ⁓ very simple. Very simple. So I'd already done, as I say, my psychotherapy training because of how I'd been in myself. So the driver was fixing myself. But then when I started to understand this stuff, I actually remember being in the hospital and going to bed at night and feeling so lost thinking. And I remember having a moment where I was like, if I find the answer to this, I'm going to have to spend my life sharing it with people because this is horrific. I can honestly say that even as hard as going through cancer treatment, as being in chemo is brutal and it's awful. I'm still quite adamant that being hospitalized with anxiety was worse. Yeah. Because I think again, knowing what I know now, I've been able to go through the cancer treatment, being kind to myself, being gentle with myself. Rose Gibson: Really? Sarie Taylor: being proud of what my body's doing rather than scared of it. You know, all of that, it's a different way of experiencing it. And so when I started to come across what I teach now, which was ⁓ about 11 years ago, it was just, I just couldn't continue working in the way I was working. I couldn't continue to overcomplicate it. I couldn't continue to tell people they had to do a certain type of therapy or had to do years of talking about it to feel different because I knew now that that wasn't the case. Rose Gibson: What was it that you came across that you went, this is what I want to teach, this aligns with me and this has opened my mind to this new way? Sarie Taylor: Yeah, was actually, I came across originally the three principles by Sydney Banks, who is a Scottish welder. He's not here anymore. He, and he just sort of had this enlightenment epiphany moment in his, in his life. But I, I originally heard it from one of my wonderful mentors is Dr. Bill Pettit. He's in the U S he's coming over to the UK actually this year, which is really. Rose Gibson: ⁓ you're gonna girl-fan him! Sarie Taylor: Listen, I've got, he's coming for two days to my chapel, love. I'm going to girl-fan him. I'm going to... We're going to do a little retreat, but yeah, he's... I've met him before. He's a wonderful man. And the reason I paid attention when he spoke, which again, just sort of shows how I think culturally, we work particularly in the UK is, he is a trained psychiatrist. He's also trained in general medicine. So he's done. Rose Gibson: Private girl fun in. Sarie Taylor: you know, been a, think GP or a surgeon or something. So he's a clever man. He's earned his stripes. He's done his profession and he came across these principles and they transformed his entire life and the way that he worked. So he got my attention because he was kind of in the field that I'd worked so hard at being in and done all the qualifications and all of the stuff that was required of me. But yeah, he was telling me there's a simpler way. And I was like, well, I'm going to pay attention because you've gone through all of your qualifications. very, very high profile job where you're looking after, ⁓ you know, mental institutes with hundreds of patients he was overseeing. And, and so it pricked my ears up. And I knew in that moment, you're laughing at me now, I was on an exercise bike, eating an apple, listening to this podcast because that's what I was doing. Like you need to get fit, you need to eat better and you need to learn. So I'm like, Rose Gibson: So an apple of all things. Sarie Taylor: on the bike with an apple doing, cause again, when I'd get anxious, you know, people would be like, you need to exercise. need to do ⁓ all of that. All of that true. Like we know that we need to eat better. know that movement helps, but you can't ⁓ out eat or a stressed mind. So, and I remember listening to this podcast of his, and I can't even remember the word that he said, but I just started crying. I was like, ⁓ Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: Because I have, I'm doing this to myself. So unnecessarily doing this to myself. But not in a, God, I've got to stop doing this way, judgmental. It was like, I suddenly felt this compassion for myself. I was like, God, no wonder you feel the way you feel. And it was from that moment I was just hooked. Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: there, I just continued and continued to explore and then it's developed over time and, you know, and now I teach people, I teach people the unrestricted model is what I've created, but it's a framework where I am constantly pointing to, this is how human nature works. Let's go back to the simplicity. Let's go back to the basics of how we feel, what we actually want rather than being in our head ⁓ and ⁓ just jumping too far ahead all the time. One of the things I talk about a lot in any, all the stuff I do is this idea of pressing play on lines. We can be constantly looking at what we should have done and how time goes fast and we've wasted this time and all of that stuff and should have done this different. And then we spend so much of our time going, well, I'm going to do this because in five years I'm going to relax or I'm going to do it when the kids grow up or all of this stuff that we're telling ourselves. And yet we can just press play right now. Rose Gibson: You know, you look at animals animals are like, I am hungry, so I'm going to eat. I am tired, so I'm going to sleep. Whereas we are ⁓ constantly planning, aren't we? Sarie Taylor: But we are made in that same way as animals. We've made from the same universal intelligence behind life as those animals. And you can see it in babies. Babies are the same. Children are the same. I can see, interestingly now, my three-year-old is starting to get more in her head because she's learning to get in her head. ⁓ But we are born being present by ⁓ That's what we're really good at. But we just also have the gift of thought and that intellect, which can be a gift, but it also can really get us caught up in thinking our way through everything. And you can't think your way to wellbeing. Wellbeing is we feel that when we're just, the thinking falls away and we are just in that moment, as I say, just pressing play. Like, you know, people will say like, ⁓ how do I need to get more present? Like, as if it's a thing that we need to get better at or learn to do. It's not, it's our default. We just need to press play and go, right, I'm in it now, I'm in. I'm here, experiencing it in this moment. Rose Gibson: And sometimes we just need to be told that, don't we? Sarie Taylor: Yeah, reminded of it. Because we do know it in here. We do know it. it's, yeah, being reminded. And that's why I love the term press play, because sometimes when I'm in my head or I'm kind of jumping too far ahead, and I know that I'm in my head and jumping too far ahead, because I don't feel good. So your feelings are a really good barometer of where your thinking's at. And so when I know I don't feel good, that's when I find that really useful to just go, press play. Rose Gibson: And how have you found delivering this, you know, this program that you've created, how have you found delivering that to business owners? Is it something that sort of naturally evolved? Sarie Taylor: I it's like most of us, you start off doing something, but then we always end up working with people like ourselves. And I never set out to work with people in business, but I've run a business now for 20 years. And it's a good, it's a successful business. It's grown over the years and he's given me things in life and flexibility and freedom and stuff that I'm really grateful for. And I think... Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: It just sort of felt like that natural progression of like, well, I understand these people because I am one, you know? And I know that when we overthink or we get stressed, like one really good way of not pressing play is to run a business. It's so easy to thinking ahead, you know, strategically planning all of that stuff that we, again, nothing wrong with it. Planning is great. We have to plan. Otherwise, you know, we don't know at all what we're doing, but... Rose Gibson: Yep. Sarie Taylor: There's this misunderstanding that people believe that in order to plan and be strategic, that you have to be kind of in your head with that. You can still plan, but press play now. And one of the things again, I say with that is like an 80-20 rule that I have. Like if I am not at least spending 80 % of my time pressing play right now, then that means an adjustment. I can spend 20 % in the future if I really want to, but I'm 80 % of the time I am pressing play right now. And sometimes the way I do that is like, If I was told I wasn't going to be here in a month, would I still be doing what I'm doing now? And if not, I'm going to really question why not. Rose Gibson: That's a very interesting way to think of everything in it to go, if I wasn't here, would I carry on or would I just, I mean, would you just, again, press play? Would you just do the things that you want to do? Sarie Taylor: Would I be wanting to do this? And I understand and appreciate why people want to plan for their future. We all want to plan for this idea of when we can slow down or when we can, but I tell you the thing having cancer that has taught me as well, that's not guaranteed to anybody. And that's why I'm much more now like to consider. So to give you a daft example, so I did this at a talk of Lisa Johnson's and it just came to me in the moment where, and it's really stupid example, but I had a planner. And I'm one of those people that buys a really nice planner every year because I like the idea of being that person that's got that planner. know, when you go to write in it and you want to make it all neat and nice. It's not. ⁓ Rose Gibson: Yep. I'm hot person too, sorry. Sarie Taylor: I have this planner every year and I enjoy the process of getting it and opening it and like that newness. And then I get past, do maybe the first week and then it never sees the light of day. And that's, I don't really enjoy filling it in. And yet I try and do it because that's what you're supposed to do. It's supposed to be organized in a plan. You're a business owner. You're supposed to do it like this. You're supposed to do it like that. And I took this planner that I'd written one page in and ripped out and said, someone can have this in this room. You can take it, it's yours, but please just question whether you really need it. And what I said was, I was told in a month's time, I'm not going to be here, do I want to still be filling in this planner? No. But someone else might go, yeah, because I really enjoy the experience of it. So I will continue to write in my planner until the day that I die. And that's great. But it's about checking what's right for you. And we do this so often. I'm like, I want to be that person, but I'm not that person. Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: So why am I forcing myself to write in a pretty planner when I don't enjoy it? Rose Gibson: Yeah, I'm the person that gets the pretty planner, starts off very neat, and then by page three, there's just scribbles that I can't even read when I try and look back on it. And I'm like, this is not a good person. I'm spending 20 minutes trying to learn what I actually wrote yesterday to make sense of it for today. I've got a meeting, but I don't know who it's for. The amount of WhatsApps my sister and my mum get going, can anybody read my writing? Who have I got a meeting with? Sarie Taylor: Me. Yeah, we tell ourselves what we think we should be doing in order to fit. And this is what, again, it's so noisy online, isn't it? And I get caught up sometimes as well. And I'm like, ⁓ this is what everyone's doing. then as soon as again, that barometer is like, I'm starting to feel the urgency. I'm like, ⁓ no, not for me. Rose Gibson: Yeah. So talk to me a little bit because we were discussing before we came on about how as a business owner, you can feel like you are so stressed, you're so busy, you've got to do all these things, you've got to make your business successful and how much pressure we put on ourselves to make that happen. How can you combine your ethos of just pressing play with also the, you know, the responsibility of going, well, you know, for me, I've got to pay the mortgage. Sarie Taylor: Thank Rose Gibson: So how ⁓ do you work with businesses to balance that out? Sarie Taylor: It's funny because we have responsibilities and we do have to pay bills and we do have to pay mortgages and it gets done, but it's almost like we get into this habit or this cycle of that. We get that done by hustling, being busy, you know, working really hard and worrying. actually I am busier in my work life now than I've ever been, but I'm also less stressed than I've ever been in business. People think that busyness equals stress and vice versa. ⁓ I'll do less work and I'll feel less stress. It's not how it works. You can feel completely stressed, on your sofa doing nothing, or you can be busy and also feel fine. It's not about how much we actively do. It's about the dialogue that goes along with it in your head. So it's like, you can plan, but the minute you start emotionally planning, then you might feel stressed. for example, I can think, okay, what I'd like to achieve in the next six months and have a plan or a strategy. This is it. If I'm then like, what if it work? What if it doesn't? What if it fails? What is that person doing? Why are they doing it quicker than me? Why all that emotional attachment to it is what causes the stress and that's not necessary. Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: entirely possible to be busy and not stressed. Rose Gibson: And do you think a lot of that comes back to experiences when we were younger as well? Because I know I've done a lot of work on money mindset and the phrases that are used as a child around money. things like, and not purposely, but things like, know, money doesn't grow on trees and you you've got to work really hard to, you know, to acquire this money. And it almost comes with the correlation of sometimes, you know, you might get offered a contract and you're like, I'm, you know, really good amount of money for this contract. and you are justifiably okay to be paid that, but for some reason you feel like that's not a, ⁓ it's not justified that you should be getting paid for that because you believe you've got to work really hard and really stressed and be full on all the time to achieve this level of revenue. Sarie Taylor: Yeah, and that's why understanding the true nature of thought is so helpful because that is just a thought. It's the truth. It's not a reality. It is just a thought. And, you know, it's funny because my, when my upbringing, my dad was wealthy. ran his own business, which, you know, he, was also a very high functioning alcoholic. So he was never working at his full capacity, but did it unbelievably well financially. Rose Gibson: Yeah. Sarie Taylor: And his ethos was, you only get what you pay for. And for me, was much like you've got to, you don't work hard, you just get smart. Which is a different way of looking at it. Rose Gibson: Okay, interesting. Sarie Taylor: Guilt is a big thing, particularly with parents, because again, the minute we've got that responsibility, it's like, I have to work hard. My sole purpose is to prioritise and protect these children. And then we lose ourselves in that. Guilt is like any other feeling. Your feelings only ever come from your thinking. And people think that the feeling of guilt is an indicator telling you, better, be a better parent, be a better business owner. That is not how it works. The guilt, the feeling of guilt comes from the thoughts you're having and the expectations you're having on yourself. So for me, there's a number of years ago now, I was like, if I feel guilt, that is now my indicator to drop my expectations. It's a lower than. Rose Gibson: That's such an interesting way to think about it because we talk about guilt so much, especially mom guilt. And I know when my children were little, before I started the business, I had huge guilt on not financially being able to put anything into the household. And then you start working and you build a business and then you feel guilty for then working. I'm like, guilt will just pop up wherever it is, but you are completely right. It's that expectation that we put on ourselves that we should be able to do everything. Sarie Taylor: Yeah. Yeah, which is not possible. And it's just a feeling like any other. It's coming from your things, coming from the thoughts you're putting, paying attention on. So you might have a thought pop in, I've got a really busy day today. And then you have a thought pop in, Oh, I'm not going to be spending much time with the kids. Oh, that means, Oh, that's not good. Oh, what am I doing? Should I be doing this? Should I be doing it? And it's just that you're giving it energy, like figuring it out, analyzing it. Oh, so how do I make it work? Well, maybe I need to overcompensate and do this for the kids instead. Rather than, you know, if I have a thought of like, I'm working and I won't see my daughter because then it's bedtime and her dad's putting us to bed. If I then start to feel that, for me again that's a barometer, a love letter is like you've gone in your head, putting too much pressure on yourself, you don't need to do it. Rose Gibson: Yeah, checking in. Sarie Taylor: Yeah, just having the awareness of that understanding, again, that your feelings are a barometer. Only ever have you thinking. Rose Gibson: And that's quite powerful once you get your head around that. Sarie Taylor: Well, it is, I cannot express how life changing it is. Honestly, life changing, you know, and people get it intellectually. There's probably not one person that will listen to this that doesn't kind of agree that your thoughts create your feelings. But understanding it intellectually and really understanding it on a deeper level are two very different things. And when you understand it on a deeper level, just by exploring it and, and, know, not just working with someone like me, but anybody that, that shares this kind of stuff. Well, it is, I cannot express how life changing it is. Honestly, life changing, Well, it is, I cannot express how life changing it is. Honestly, life changing, You start to see, ⁓ yeah, it really is that simple. Like it really is that simple. Rose Gibson: Yeah, and sometimes the best things are, they're so, they're right in front of your face, aren't they? And you can't, you just can't see them sometimes. And you do need someone externally to just go, let's just talk about this and dissect it and then break it down for you so you can see it. So if we've got anybody that's listening that is either started a business or is thinking of starting a business, Sarie Taylor: Yeah. Rose Gibson: Can you give them one bit of advice that you think would be just a golden nugget for them to take away from this conversation? Sarie Taylor: One of the biggest things that I try and instill in anybody starting out a business is... One of the biggest things that I try and instill in anybody starting out a business is... One of the biggest things that I try and instill in anybody starting out a business is... Everything comes from nothing. Everything comes from nothing. Everything comes from nothing. Everything comes from nothing. You know, there was a stage where we had no, we didn't have electricity and somebody would have been starting to talk about electricity and people would have thought they were mad and above their stations. Just because everybody is doing things out there that might even be similar to what you're thinking of doing or whatever it is, do it your own way because your everything is going to start from your nothing. And the more you can stay in your I know people use that phrase, stay in your own lane, but it is so true because all you're doing when you're going out there and comparing with other people and looking at other people, it's just noise. It's noise, noise, noise. And it's taking away from your wisdom, which is all you need to do it in your own way. that everything comes from nothing. We all start from nothing. That is the beauty of creativity and human nature. Rose Gibson: Yeah, and it is a busy world out there, isn't it? You can get consumed by the busyness of it and the things should be this way. Sarie Taylor: I found it myself, even with everything I know and I'll scroll on social media, I'm like, ooh, this, I'll have an opinion on that and I'll have an opinion on that. But again, because I know what I know, I'm like, oh, this starts to not feel good. Come away. Rose Gibson: Yeah, yeah. So you've got a program starting next week. So if you are listening to this on the day of release, it is Friday the ⁓ 20th of March. ⁓ might not be. this is, I think we had a conversation that this is of an evergreen that can be dipped in and out of, but you do have a program starting next week. So if you are listening to it on the day of release and you think, actually, I'm interested in this type of work, ⁓ this type of thought ⁓ tell me a little about what you're planning to do. Sarie Taylor: So this kind of free series is really for people to get a taste of what I'm talking about, why it's important, if it's for them. That then goes on to then open up my six month program, which is going through the unrestricted model in a lot of detail and a lot of depth to, like I say, go from that intellectual understanding to really, really understanding it. So I always do this. I do this free thing before, partly because I have a certain style that I work. And I would much rather people know my style and be on board with who I am before they dive in and work with me for six months. But also not everybody's in a position or ready to do that. And so I like to just say that if you're going to come along for the three days and then there's an hour session as well, like a master class, if you're going to come along to that, you will learn stuff. Like you're going to take some value away from it. And, and yeah, it's really just to open people's eyes to the stuff that they have inside of them that they just don't realize because they're spending so much time in their heads. And ultimately in a nutshell, that's what it is. And it's, it's so simple. And yet again, I know it sounds really cheesy, but it is just unbelievably life-changing. You know, if I'd have, if I'd have got diagnosed with cancer 15 years ago, I would, I don't know how I would have coped. I don't know how I would have got through or managed. I'd have been, my anxiety would have been through the roof. And yet because of this understanding, I can honestly say, yes, it has been brutal. It has been tough. There's a bit of PTSD there. When I go in a hospital and I smell, my body remembers chemo and I have to settle myself. I'm not saying it's been easy because it hasn't, but I've also been able to press play in my life in between. I've had... great moments, I've enjoyed my experience, family, so it's learning that's what it's all about. Rose Gibson: Yeah, and it is a skill set to learn, isn't it? It's something that we need to sort of switch on in our brains and just check it every now and again. And who is this three days for? Is it for anybody or is it just for business owners? Sarie Taylor: Well, it's aimed at business owners because again, that's sort of my area. So a lot of the examples that we'll use will be about running a business or running your life. But actually anybody can benefit. know, when you're marketing something, you have to be specific and say, but if you're someone out there and you don't run a business, but you'd like to learn this stuff, you can still learn from it. you know, it's not anybody that wants to show up can show up. Business is just sort of the angle of... examples that we'll use, but really what I'm teaching you is about human nature, which is for business and personal. Rose Gibson: Yeah, because so much of business life correlates with everyday life, employment life. Sarie Taylor: No, you can't separate the two. Like, it's part of your experience of life, whichever way you look at it. So it's, yeah. Rose Gibson: And if they can't make it live next week, can they catch up? Sarie Taylor: Of course they can. Yeah. It'll all be recorded and catch up. There's lots of other ways as well. There's that someone's listening to this much further down the line and that's past. There's always stuff on my website for free that you can go and have a look at, which is just on unrestrictedbusiness.co.uk. Rose Gibson: Fab, and if people want to find you online on social sorry, what are your handles? Sarie Taylor: Sari Taylor coaching on everything. It's quite good having an unusual name because if you put my name into Google, it's like I'm all over it because there's only really me. Rose Gibson: ⁓ that's easy. That's such an easy one to remember. Perfect. So I will put all the links that Sari has said in the show notes. If you do want to find her, I obviously think you're amazing. You open my eyes to some of the stuff that you say. And I know you say it's really simple, but sometimes you do say things and I'm like, that's so simple, but yet so effective. So I would recommend going and checking Sari out, everything that you are doing. I know you talk at lots of events as well. So go find where she is, go be a little fangirl and... Come find her online. Sorry, thank you so much for speaking to me today. Sarie Taylor: Bye. It's my pleasure, thanks for having me.