Tanya Franklin: Hey, I'm Tanya H. Franklin and welcome to Tricks My Dog Taught Me, a podcast for lighthearted and occasional deep conversations with family and friends revolving around my journey as a dog mom to my little guy, Zach the Toy Poodle, which prompted me to self-publish my first book, Shit My Dog Taught Me, where I share some of my insights through poetry and weekly life. lessons. So for today's episode, it's a special one. we look to experts for life advice, but sometimes the most profound insights come from the next generation. So joining me today is someone I've watched grow up from a caring young boy into an ambitious young man, my nephew, Jalen Purnell, and he's navigating his mid twenties in the world. that never hits the pause button. So today we're talking about the art of patience and the grit required to chase goals and how to know when it's finally your time to strike with week 15's poem, Sit and Wait as the basis. So welcome Jay, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so happy you're here. You're welcome. Jay Purnell: you. Thank you for having me. Tanya Franklin: absolutely. So to start off our conversation, I'm going to share the poem with you and the listeners so that you have some context. ⁓ right. Sit wait. Sit. Wait. Be patient what we're told to do, but it's trying to conform when all we want is to pursue. So. Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Relatively short poem but sit and wait are words that Zach certainly is familiar with he usually listens But I think we live in a world where instant gratification and that hustle culture It can make it difficult to just sit and wait. So I'm wondering how do you figure out? What's worth waiting for versus when you need to just Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: get going right now to reach certain goals and things you want to do in life. Jay Purnell: So, can you elaborate on that please? Tanya Franklin: ⁓ So like for instance whether it's a pursuing a job I know you mentioned to me in previous conversations that you're interested in maybe doing some things with music So how do you determine for yourself? You know what? I'm gonna just wait this out We're gonna see how things are gonna play out and how do you determine when you know what? I want to go after this goal right now. I'm not I'm not gonna wait any longer Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Hmm. Well, it usually depends on the situation for the most part. me. well, there times where I kind of have to sit and wait stuff out. Like if I want to put this out ⁓ now, you know, I have to wait for progress and everything. ⁓ If actually doing it, then I'm going to go at it. That's the whole deal here. it's kind of a process to it. ⁓ You want to wait it out, you want to like see if you can get any progress here and then ⁓ you're to have to move on to the next one. I see advice ⁓ online all the time, like everybody's saying the same thing. You want to be extremely consistent with it, ⁓ you which means you have to go like back and forth all the time. You're to have to keep going. there's no stopping or anything like that. ⁓ You're going to to keep going no matter what. it's the only way that you'll see any actual progress and people will actually start taking you seriously. Tanya Franklin: I get that but I'm wondering could that I mean at least I'm thinking about for myself because I didn't have social media Of course when I was younger, but even just people around me, you know saying go after it keep going and while on one hand I think that's excellent advice Do you think it's possible not you necessarily but a person could potentially get burnt out because they keep going keep going and they don't ever stop and wait and when I say stop and wait, I don't mean Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: that you stop pursuing the goal necessarily, but perhaps there's something you might need to process or you might say, I need to pivot here. So let me slow down for a moment before I make my next move. Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. You mean like taking a break? Tanya Franklin: Yes. Jay Purnell: Hmm. well, yes. ⁓ Well, in my case, definitely for sure. Because there are times where, you know, I like to switch around, stuff like that. thing about it is that unfortunately I'm only one person. So it's like occasionally I might find myself having a burnout. So I might do something else. Like I don't just do music. I might actually just write or read, you know, I might do this. I might do that because I don't like the pigeon hole myself to one specific thing. So I like to always keep busy. I like to always kind of like just move around. Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. Jay Purnell: know ⁓ it keeps life interesting I don't want to just be like lack of days or anything like that I want to actually do this and if it gets tiring then I'll switch to something else and then you know it just keeps everything interesting Tanya Franklin: Definitely. I definitely know because I'm someone who Since I was younger like even your age that I was always going after this and going after that and I will say that there were times and that's the main reason I asked you that question is just in reflecting back on myself where I Couldn't get myself to just wait was like ⁓ I gotta get to the next thing I gotta do this I gotta do that and like I said with social media now Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Wasn't prevalent when I was in my 20s, but there you know, there's times when just pushes you to get moving in and on one hand. I think that's awesome But the other hand it makes me think about how if you see all of these people going after or at least most people are going to present not all but most people are going to present their best selves ⁓ on media and it might give the impression Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Wow, this is the highlight reel of their life. It seems like Everybody is here and I'm still there So how do you you know say you know what? Social media or even looking at reels and what people post there's some benefits to that, but I'm not gonna let that Determine for what I'm doing or to make me feel like I'm behind schedule like so how does that? Is that that is an issue for you or maybe it's not? Jay Purnell: Right. It is an issue for me there are times where me specifically, find social media to be, I think it's an amazing platform, but it's also a distraction for me. So, and sometimes it's like mentally it can like take us, it can take us toll so, every year I have a plan for myself where at least one month, you know, I try to steer clear from social media and then force myself to work on other things. Like I don't go on Twitter. I don't go on Instagram. I just focus myself to do other things. Like I put myself down on my work ⁓ or, ⁓ I on I try to do other things and force myself to just really experience life. ⁓ And it works, when I back, I felt like a completely different person, ⁓ and didn't really feel like overwhelmed or anything like that because you know when you're on social media you have like all these voices and everything so you don't really feel overwhelmed when you're actually taking your break and once you come back you just different you know I felt different at least Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. ⁓ yeah, definitely and I would say for myself I will Restrict myself where oftentimes I'm on social media where I might be posting about ⁓ I did related to fitness or something related to this podcast or ⁓ there's somewhere I've gone ⁓ a lot of times when I do those posts or when I'm on there scrolling it's often associated with when I'm Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. you Tanya Franklin: Walking or I'm on the treadmill at the gym or I'm walking waiting for quen to get out of school or something like that So then it's not the first thing that I look for in the morning Or it's the last thing that I'm looking at in the evening and it's certainly I will say it helps me Stay focused with my goals and things that I want to do in life, you know But definitely when I think about I didn't have to worry about that in my 20s, but there were still people Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: who might have said, you you haven't graduated from here yet. Or if I noticed someone who did, or, you haven't done this yet. you don't have an apartment. ⁓ you don't have this. Like there's always someone who's going to point out something I don't have yet. And I will say there were times when I would allow it to consume me ⁓ or wasn't even if someone pointed anything out. I may had certain goals for myself. Jay Purnell: Yeah. Tanya Franklin: I want to have my first apartment by the time I'm this age or I want to have a job I consider a career by that age and I think sometimes when we put that much pressure on ourselves that we Feel like we don't have time to sit and wait Especially if we have these hard deadlines and I think that it's good to have deadlines for ourselves to keep us motivated and keep us going but not to the point where it might Stress us out though. So I'm wondering how How do you stay patient, like where you have all of these different interests and activities vocations that you want to pursue? How do you stay patient with your process of pursuing them? Jay Purnell: Honestly, I guess we can say I kind of like have a bit of a one-track mind. So ⁓ what it comes to me being patient. ⁓ Like said I'm just one person so I can't everything so I try to just put my mind towards one thing at a time and Trying to like be patient with it. The thing about it is that everything is just a process, you know? So there are times where I can be a little impatient with it because I want this to be like perfect now, but it's part of the process. So I try to like do whatever I can on my end because let's say for music, for example, the thing about me is that I like edit everything together. I'm kind of like, I will over edit something. And honestly, even when the song it sounds fine, think maybe it can use a little bit of this, like use a little bit of that because when I'm outside or something like that, it's like, feel inspired, it's not like I'm literally like here like every day, just doing something day to day. every time I'm outside, like just doing me, I'm, I'm just feeling inspired. maybe I can add a little bit of this. Maybe I can add a little bit of that, you know? So It just depends the most part, you know? Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. Sounds like we have a little bit of that in common, Jay, because I'm the person who constantly revisits and says, I think I can improve this. I think I can improve that. And that's wonderful. I think that's a gift and a curse because then you find that you're constantly going at it and battling with yourself. And so and someone else is like, it's Jay Purnell: You Mmmmm Yep. Yep. Tanya Franklin: And you're like wait a minute. I know I can improve it even more. So yes, I'm definitely guilty of doing that myself and I I would even say like I'm thinking back in my 20s there were times when I felt like it was a Sprint that I'm going as fast as I can I got to get to these goals and now that I'm looking back Jay Purnell: See? Tanya Franklin: I think some of the goals I had, were, were a little unrealistic for myself. ⁓ I say unrealistic, not that they were unattainable, ⁓ I think I was putting myself in a position to be stressed and to be ⁓ because I'm looking at what the status quo is supposed to be and where I'm supposed to be according to standards. Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: and allowing that to consume me. I should have a house by this time. I should be here by this time. Even prior to marrying Uncle Sean, it was like, I should be married by this time. And everything is going to happen when it's supposed to happen. But I really do think sometimes just in looking back, if would have enjoyed certain moments instead of Jay Purnell: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Enjoying those moments sitting and waiting in those moments and when I say sitting and waiting so just a matter of being patient ⁓ that I'm not thinking about my moves or not that I'm not strategizing ⁓ that I'm enjoying that moment that I'm in instead of ⁓ in pursue mode of what I need to do ⁓ I'm do you when you look at where you are right now Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Do you feel like you're in a sprint or do you feel like you're in a marathon or maybe even a series of short laps where you, you you go, then you stop, you go, then you stop. Jay Purnell: personally, I feel like I'm in a marathon. Like I always feel like I'm just running. I'm trying run as fast as I can in order to get this point where I want to be at. whether it's like trying to find a place for myself, trying to make sure that everything is okay for myself, financially speaking, or, you trying to like. I know, it's like, know, it's like I'm trying to like, I'm feeling like at my age, I should be like doing this or I should be doing that, you know, Tanya Franklin: So what do you feel like you should be doing right now? Jay Purnell: Yeah. Honestly right now Well, I really of really want to be working on getting my place Together so there's that ⁓ I really want to just have own, you know ⁓ own to just call Like basically my whole my own sanctuary, you know, Like when it comes to my music when it comes to writing, when it comes to I don't know even just relaxing or just listening to music, I don't really have to be like too stressed or anything like that because I'm in my own space, you know Yeah, it's more just that, and trying trying to like get everything together, mentally ⁓ and ⁓ physically, you know. Tanya Franklin: Yes, for sure. And I would even say just the idea of saying you want your own space that comes with the sitting and waiting and investigating and saving and all of that. And because I always think about some people who I know from when I was younger and ages went on out there and they got the first thing they found and Jay Purnell: Yes. Tanya Franklin: then they found all of these problems with the place where they're living or they didn't realize this amenity wasn't included or they didn't survey the area and they realized, wait a minute, there's not a lot of parking around here. So sometimes sitting and waiting, even with what you want in life currently could be beneficial because then you're like, you know what? Let me out pros and cons. Do I have enough money safe? What's on the market right now? Jay Purnell: Hmmmm Tanya Franklin: And then that's something that I think will benefit you long term as opposed to because I think sometimes you can look around and you might say, well, geez, it seems like all of my friends or people I know might have something or maybe they don't, you know, it's a different situation, I think, in twenty twenty six. But but certainly I think that this is an opportunity for you to say, all right, let me investigate and get everything right. And so I I would say for myself, I found that Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: A lot of it deals with timing and the timing it may never be perfect, but it's going to be the right timing for you. So in my twenties and present day, something that I would often do is look at signs and they might be literal signs and sometimes figurative where it's just something that's weighing on me. And I feel like it's a sign to push me in a certain direction. And that Jay Purnell: Right. Tanya Franklin: sign even with writing the book that's associated with this podcast started where I was just walking Zach as a puppy ⁓ I just thought about wow there's so many experiences seeing the experiences that I'm having with him that make me think about life lessons ⁓ I would share some of them with Quinn and share some of them with my best friend Michelle and with Uncle Sean Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: And then I said, well, I don't know, write about this. And at first it was going to just be about inspiration. And then I just thought about someone asked me and they said, have you done poetry in a while? I remember you used to do spoken word. You used to do slams and things of that nature. And I'm like, well, I haven't done any slams in a while or done spoken word in a while. But when they said that it made me think. And I was like, huh, why don't do some poems associated with my experiences with Zach and I can have that coupled with different inspirational moments and I feel like people bringing up poetry or me just walking Zach that these were signs that presented themselves for me to say okay you know what I'm gonna pursue this and we'll see what happens so I'm wondering have you had any signs or green lights in your life that are telling you Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: You know what? I think it's time to stop planning and start moving! Jay Purnell: playing, start moving. Hmm. Hmm, I honestly cannot think of a situation where I haven't been planning. I always try to plan everything out, because that's part of my mentality. I try not to like just go at it. I try to like think everything through, you know, because that's how I was taught. That's how I was raised. Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Good good. And so like so for me something I think about with planning That a lot of times with goals that I'm planning for There's gonna be some sacrifices that are made. I remember making sacrifices ⁓ when I selected what college that I was going to go to I know that Nana wanted us to your grandma ⁓ wanted to stay ⁓ close While I did want to go somewhere else I decided that I will make that sacrifice and I'm gonna make sure to stay local even with job hunts and I think about certain sacrifices that I made ⁓ that I held initially and getting to where I wanted to get to and it makes me think about that idea of sit and wait because If I just went out there and grabbed any and everything ⁓ Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Instead of waiting for what I wanted and now mind you I did get certain positions where I knew they didn't necessarily Line up with what I was trying to do, but I said, know, this is going to be a placeholder right now So in this moment, like you mentioned planning while i'm planning my next move while i'm seeing what's out there I'm going to need to make this sacrifice and i'm going to need to have this position because I have to pay to live Jay Purnell: ⁓ Mm-hmm. Mm. Tanya Franklin: once I had my own apartment. I had to think about those things So just even with my sleep schedule. I might make certain sacrifices I know some people will laugh at me. What time do you wake you wake up at 3 in the morning? you serious? But those sacrifices that I choose to make I get so much done early on in the day ⁓ that It me feel more productive. ⁓ So I'm Jay Purnell: You Tanya Franklin: Is there anything for you where you say, know what, there's some sacrifices that I've been making so that I can get where I want to get to. Jay Purnell: financially speaking, have been making a lot of sacrifices towards that. ⁓ know, for example, the vacation, cruise that we're supposed to go on. I've been putting aside for that, and I also have been, sacrificing for other things like my other needs, for example. Like, when it comes to... ⁓ food, know, paying bills, stuff like that, like my insurance and everything, like I try to make sure, I have money for that and everything, ⁓ there are times where I have to like spare money that I was going to use for other things. Like when I'm out on dates, for example, like sometimes I have to use money for... my car, you know, because that's very important because I need my car for work and I need my car to get around. there are times where I have to, ⁓ sacrifice stuff that even about actively thinking about it. But I know I have to because that's important. I have to put aside this stuff, just so I can like live, so I could be like easier for me still, Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. Good. Good. Yeah, and I mean I think that it's good You're already on that path because there are some 20 something year olds who are not and they were blow through all their money and not able to provide for themselves and then they're looking all pitiful like I don't know what I'm gonna do. Yeah, so it's good that you already know that Jay Purnell: Honor! Tanya Franklin: We got to make those sacrifices even if we don't want to so yes, definitely and and so I mean even when talking about sacrifices and Patience you've seen me and certainly your mom work for different things that we want and so You know as an observer of watching us with patience. I would like to know Do you think that our generation? it right ⁓ terms of just looking at how Jay Purnell: Mmm. Tanya Franklin: You saw us growing up when you were younger. You might have seen us working and doing different things. Or do you say, you know what, I liked the way it was done back then. Or maybe even the way that things are done now in terms of making those sacrifices and exercising patience. Jay Purnell: Honestly, that's a very complicated question because the thing about it with every generation everybody is different. Tanya Franklin: I know! Yes. Mm-hmm. Jay Purnell: So it's like everybody kind of has like different perspectives. They all came up differently. You know, I, for example, kind of just lucked up because I had you guys to show me everything that was going on. You know, how to do this, how to do that, you know, so it's kind of like complicated. I can honestly say it just depends on the individual, rather than the specific generation, because every generation is different. Everybody has different come ups. And it's like the thing about it from what I'm seeing is that it all gets easier. Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. Jay Purnell: it all gets harder it depends on the individual and what their co-op story is how they are and how they are mentally you know Tanya Franklin: Mmm. Jay Purnell: can honestly just say that I just feel like, you guys do inspire me a lot, because of the work ethic you guys have and the way you guys, the way you guys just have that hunger, you know, because you want, this for yourself or you want to accomplish this, so it's like, I also see that hunger within myself. Honestly, I try to always just have this like mentality where I always think that things will ⁓ things will get better and things will Come together eventually and can be able have ⁓ the stuff that you guys have on my own on own terms Tanya Franklin: I like that I like that and I think yes I did present you with quite a complex question but I'm thinking about because the main reason I asked you that question is because I see so many people who are in their 20s late teens or even early 30s where they may Jay Purnell: Hmm. Tanya Franklin: Constantly job hop or there's not really a focus and I'm not saying is there anything wrong with that You want what you want? but I think sometimes it's done in such a way where something else will just come along and focus may not necessarily be there ⁓ Even in observing some of my students, unfortunately not all of them, ⁓ there seems to be this Jay Purnell: Yes. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: you owe me mentality where I don't have to do anything. I'm going to just sit back and everything is going to be handed to me. And I know that was not the case when I was younger. And so, and I know that you certainly aren't that way, but it's certainly something that I've observed with a lot of 20 something year olds as seeing them in my classroom where there's some who are really hard workers, but then there's some who just Jay Purnell: Hmmmm Tanya Franklin: do just enough. And that translates into not just my classroom, but sometimes in life. And then there's this level of impatience. I should be here now and then I'll ask, well, what have you done? Well, you know, I don't have to do this. And they can't explain to me anything that they've done, but they expect it to all happen for them right now. And so. Jay Purnell: Hahaha Tanya Franklin: Yes, and so I even think about myself like with the pressure I remember feeling a lot of pressure and like I said, this is before the days of social media Not even just pressure in my 20s, but pressure and being black pressure and being a woman pressure and being a young black woman and feeling like I needed to be successful as a representative not just of my race and gender but of my family and wanting Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: my mom, your Nana, to be proud and say, okay, you've done us proud and I'm happy that you are pursuing your dreams and that I can tell people I know how wonderful my daughter is doing in life. so think about for you, you're a young black man, do you feel any extra pressure to succeed in life or to do it quickly? Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. because it's there are times where I didn't really know what I wanted to do ⁓ se because it was just like everything kind of just came so quickly. I didn't really have a chance to just breathe or just take a break. know, everything was kind of just forced on me. And it's like, by the time I realized what I wanted to do, it had been too late because, the financial backing, it was like it was all used up and everything. So I kind of had to do all that on my own. So, you know, with the transitional period and everything, it was difficult and I had to pivot, so I had to focus more on my job and focus more on getting my money up in order to like do anything that I really want to do ⁓ and try to like, get everything on my own because there was just like so much pressure and I wanted to see if I can have at least some type of success quick. You know, when I was young, I really wanted to just have like, I don't know, like some type of ⁓ success. had dreams, ambitions to try and see if I could be like a homeowner or something like that, you know, during my late twenties or try to see if I can, if I can already. Basically like just have like a stable lifestyle together like have a well-paid job I have a house to myself, and I have a car in the driveway stuff like that because of what I see outside a lot It's like I always find myself I always count myself lucky that I actually have these type of resources but I Took it for granted a little bit because I didn't exactly know what I wanted to And ⁓ didn't exactly know like how to go about this and how to actually Tell the people that wanted me to do this that I didn't actually want to do this it kind of got forced on me, and I kind of just went with it. You know Tanya Franklin: Yeah, and I think that that certainly can be tough. had a student in my class the first day we always go around and share a little bit about yourself. And a lot of times they may say what their major is. And this one student says, I'm an accounting major. I was like, ⁓ accounting. That's cool. he says, well, that's what my parents want me to be. And I said, well, what do you want to be? And he says, I want to be with my parents. And I said, and I laughed in the class left. And I said, so is that really what you want to do? And he says, well, it's the only way they're going to pay. And I said, well, and I said, of course, I don't want you to defy your parents. But I said, if you have other interests, you might want to see if there's different resources and things of that nature. Because I said, too often do I see who ⁓ Jay Purnell: you Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: they're unhappy or they're pursuing something and it's not for them. maybe they'll come to love it, but maybe not. And I think that that type of pressure, can be a lot. Even I know some ⁓ who will say that they're international students and their parents expect them to be maybe two professions, a doctor or a lawyer. That's it. And when you're Jay Purnell: Yep. Tanya Franklin: have that type of pressure put on you. And not only that, there is no time to sit and wait. You got to get moving. And I think sometimes if you're moving so much, you don't get a chance to process what's happening and to process is this something that I really, really want to do. And you mentioned that, you know, it being too late and I just want to circle back to that. It's not too late. You're still in your twenties. Maybe it may not be on your Timeline and what you said well by this because I'm speaking to you as auntie but also as someone reflecting back in my 20s because I did look at my timeline and I can share with you that my timeline was off by the time I transferred to my four-year college I started off at Community College of Philadelphia and then transferred to Rosemont but something that I did Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: is I was a little nervous to go to this other school I myself taking all of these extra courses. And so I graduated from community college, I wound up having not one, but two degrees. And the reason I had two is because I had so many credits. So ⁓ I so credits. And so even when I transferred to my four year college, Jay Purnell: Wow. Tanya Franklin: Lost a good amount of credits which meant I had to make up a year Because of the credits that I lost and so there was a part of me that was kicking myself like I can't believe this All of my friends they'll be finished at this point now mind you this is me saying all of my friends but all my friends weren't even in college and Everyone's on different journeys, but that was me saying all of these people they're doing this that and the other and I'm not here yet But I'm here to tell you that as long as you're doing what you want to do Jay Purnell: Ooooo Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: and it's something that's positive. Obviously you're not out hurting people or anything, but it's positive and you're saying, you know what, this is something I'm going to pursue. My hope is that it will yield some money because I got to pay for different things in life, but to feel good about what you're doing, whether that happens next year, two years from now, or even if you're like, oh geez, I'm 30 and I'm waiting still, that it is still something that is. Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: doable and and I will also point out sorry if I'm sounding preachy but something else I would just point out is Right now it's very difficult for anyone to purchase a home unless they're making some insane amount of money or willing to have some crazy mortgage payment ⁓ ⁓ in a bunch of people because you're like, can't afford all this on my own ⁓ Jay Purnell: You Right. Tanya Franklin: So yes, I would say in that regard that type of pressure it's understandable and I know even though I'm sharing this with you and you're on your own journey It's not necessarily going to change your perspective, but maybe you'll recall this conversation you'll get older And so I'm just thinking like for me, you know and having this and going off a little bit on that tangent Jay Purnell: Hmm. Tanya Franklin: at times I will say that the pressure it would impact my mental health or my decision making and I would say I should be here I should be there I should have a car by this time in looking back on those moments ⁓ certainly stressed over certain situations that didn't require ⁓ much energy as I gave them so I'm wondering Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: when you think about that extra pressure, has it ever impacted you, your mental health, or even just your decision making? Jay Purnell: absolutely. You know, ⁓ I'm always thinking about, long-term I'm always thinking about should be here, I should be there, I should be doing this, I should be doing that. You know, honestly, it's like sometimes it has impacted my mental health and ⁓ at times the only reason why I haven't exactly, you quote unquote crashed or anything like that is because I pivoted into other things that could calm my mind. You know, I tried to focus on other things like whether it's writing, reading, or even just like if I'm just like watching a TV show that can help like ease my mind, stuff like that, maybe I didn't really pass a test or anything like that that I was supposed to take. ⁓ So when it comes to stuff like that, I haven't exactly like crashed yet because I I learned to pivot. Tanya Franklin: Okay, all right, now you've mentioned writing a few times. Do you mind sharing what type of writing you do? Jay Purnell: What type of writing I do? I write all over. It's really a lot. ⁓ So used to ⁓ write a bunch biographies and I used to edit a lot on the Wiki fandom a lot. When I was a kid, back when I was, I would say around 14, 15 years old. So I used to do a lot of that. I like to offer my two sons, you know, some trivia here and there, or maybe just edit like a personality trait, like, hey, this person does this or this person does that. I like to offer like some commentary when it comes to stuff like that and some suggestions. So I used do all that and then but the problem was everybody also had their own rules and their own two cents so stopped and I started doing it personally in my personal time ⁓ on Google Docs lot just writing character biographies stuff like that all the time ⁓ it was just a pass on for me even though most people never see it I will still see it and it's still my work Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. Jay Purnell: So that's something that I would just do for fun all the time. And it it enhanced my writing ⁓ and skills a little bit, like psychologically, it also me to people. So it actually it allows me to just tap into just being like articulate, you know, like just trying to, sound, professional, cuz cuz nice, you know ⁓ just tried to write down really just world build, And ⁓ it's something that I enjoy because it's just one of my nerdy traits, I guess. And ⁓ I also enjoyed So I got back into reading books and stuff like that. Like before, I used to hate reading, but now I just I really enjoy it more than anything else because it really does offer of commentary and it offers a lot of perspectives because you never know I like to read a lot whether it's books or on the internet so that translated well into my writing and I even started writing my own because it was before I didn't really I didn't know how I could go about stuff like this but I decided it might be time to see if I could try again see if I could like going to this perspective because I read more books and not to understand like the formula and everything. So I try to see like what I can do about with that, So, yeah, that's I that's what I mean when I write a lot. I I write a lot about things, know, characters, certain situations, and I just take inspiration from other podcasts. ⁓ I also have a blog. manage a blog. I think I mentioned that to you before. also manage a blog It's many different things but writing is definitely obviously the most prevalent of them I do book reviews I do Stuff on certain cartoons, certain real-life situations like music stuff like that, ⁓ whatever's on mind. I'm just gonna write it down in my Tanya Franklin: Yes. Jay Purnell: notes app and I'm gonna get it all down and then I'm going to check the grammar and everything because I'm not so I make mistakes ⁓ so and then try to post it ⁓ post it on my blog then like very few people will see it but at the same time to me it's a special accomplishment because ⁓ I'm leaving my mark and I might wind up getting more people ⁓ to actually see how articulate I am ⁓ with writing and everything because a lot of people do Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. Jay Purnell: enjoy it you Tanya Franklin: awesome that's awesome I love thank you for sharing it with me Jay and so I think that you mentioned about writing and reading and it makes me think about conversations and so there's so many conversations that I would love to have with my 18 year old self or even my 20 something year old self about not sweating the small stuff just going after certain Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Dreams that I might have that I might just be hesitant about and maybe even just not being so hard on myself if certain don't work out the way that I expect them to so I'm wondering you're not too far off But if you could talk to your 18 year old self Knowing you know now ⁓ about about patience and all of that. What would you tell him about? Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Relaxing or just sitting and waiting. Jay Purnell: Well, I would probably tell them that you probably ⁓ It probably would be best if you could just take a gap if you could just take a break and just work on yourself it's okay to just stop and slow down real quick because you have people that care about you Like it's not gonna impact you. It's not gonna negatively impact you ⁓ So it's to just take a break and slow down real quick Just take a gap and figure out what you want I didn't really figure out what I want and so I got deep into school So it's like once I got deep into that and I got deep into more life experiences that's when I figured out exactly what I wanted for myself in life so it's like I wish I could tell him that you can still like you can still just slow down a little bit and just take a breather and people will have to respect you for that because it's also important like that's also a part of life you're gonna have to take a break you're gonna have to slow down a little bit in order to like not suffer a burnout you know Tanya Franklin: Yes, in order to keep going sometimes we have to slow down sometimes we have to take a break We can't just keep going and going and going so you definitely hit that on the head So I I want to shift gears a little and I might seem in my ⁓ and to some people observing I would say a lot of people observing me probably thought I was fairly patient in my ⁓ as well because I wouldn't ⁓ vocalize if something Jay Purnell: Okay. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: was wearing on me or if I was overly concerned about something like I mentioned with that extra year with college. But there's still so many things in life that I can be impatient about. I mean it might even just be something as simple as I grew up when there was still dial-up. so there no wi-fi. Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. you Tanya Franklin: even just waiting for something to load I think I've gotten spoiled with Wi-Fi like why is that taking so long? And it's only taking like five seconds ⁓ something like that Or maybe it's just traffic and I'm just like ⁓ And I think that there are times when I might be a little impatient and I will even say Jay Purnell: Ha! Tanya Franklin: That even in being impatient, I still try my best to exercise patience with other people though But i'm wondering if there's something that you find yourself Notoriously impatient about in your daily life and it doesn't have to be something where It's grand. It might be something that's just you know, like small like I mentioned with wi-fi Jay Purnell: see, well... Definitely with the traffic and everything as someone who drives especially the only who drives in Philly I'm always like trying to get where I need to go as quick as possible So it's like occasionally I can drive like I can be a little intense when it comes to my driving and it like comes to the point where I'm like Come on all the traffic and everything You know the lights and it's like it's annoying and that's how I feel like extremely impatient when it comes to stuff like that, you know might like pertain to My job and everything because occasionally I might be a little impatient with that because the workload is slowing down And know, there's times where I get a little bored So I kind of want to just like do some work and everything so the workload might not be there So I'm like getting impatient about that. I and stuff like that or it might even be when I'm waiting for my food because I have somewhere I want to be like I'm outside, you know, sometimes I get my food from outside. Um, before going in for work before I thought before clocking in for work and um, know, I'm waiting for them, but the thing is there's like a process to it So it takes a minute. So, I'm checking my watch and it's like it's like what for? 420 415 I clocked at 430 and I'm like can y'all hurry up please because I need to go back to the clock so by the time I get my food I'm just I'm like power walking back to work so yeah those some examples Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm. yeah, that yeah, I could definitely understand that like when you're waiting for food I know one of my pet peeves ⁓ that ⁓ don't really purchase fast food that frequently ⁓ I remember this one time when I did way back when probably in my ⁓ ⁓ Matter of fact, I remember ⁓ it was. It was McDonald's and I haven't purchased food from McDonald's in years But ⁓ remember I was ordering a sausage McMuffin ⁓ cheese Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: the mill The person did not tell me usually not remember because I've worked at McDonald's not this location It was a different one and I would always tell a person if we're waiting on hash browns if we're waiting on something to be Prepared and I would tell them it's gonna be about a five to ten minute wait. Is that okay? And then they would say yes or no this person told me nothing and I'm waiting ⁓ I knew my bus was coming is because at the time I wasn't driving and Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Where's my food? And so I go pardon pardon me about how much longer? ⁓ we just put the hash browns down and I'm like mean I didn't say it to them but I'm in my head. I'm like ⁓ so I definitely understand that and I wound up ⁓ I actually just lost my money on it because I said I can't wait any longer because I had already wait like 10 minutes and I'm like my bus is coming and I and I just said like I said just gonna keep my food because I had to get going but yeah so that definitely I can understand that feeling impatient with that you know and even just with certain goals Jay Purnell: Hmm. Mmm. Yep. Tanya Franklin: Think about certain fitness goals and things I have in the impatience. I will say I've gotten much better at that I know that it was difficult for me to remain patient when I was attempting to do my first pull-up and The length of time it took to just get that first one so just trying to be patient in that moment Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Yes! Tanya Franklin: Yes, and I find that a lot of times what helps me be patient is surrounding myself with Patient people or at least people who are motivating and and so I'm not sure if that's an experience for you that if you do have to be patient if you have someone who has a calming Spirit or they're motivating don't worry about it. You you know, everything's gonna work out You got it that a lot of times that helps for me. So yes But ⁓ I'm gonna ask is also you know, some some dogs It might sit and wait for a while like I mentioned with Zach, but others not so much. So here's my last question for fun. If you were a dog, what breed would you be and why? Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. What breed would I be and why? having done some research, ⁓ probably a Siberian Husky, something like that. Because their whole vibe like they're usually, seen as, dogs that kind of like just help pull sleds and stuff like that. from the way, their fur looks from like the way they present themselves, it can be like mysterious, but energetic. they're like hard to read, you know, you just don't know what you're going to expect out of them. if I actually owned a dog, it probably would be that. I don't usually like big dogs, but I might make an exception with that one. Tanya Franklin: Mm-hmm We have a Siberian Husky that lives around the corner from us beautiful blue eyes Yes, yes, so I'm wondering you said you would be a Siberian Husky what dog breed do you think I would be and why? Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Right. Hmm. unfortunately, I haven't given it that much thought yet. I say go to Retriever? You could... You... Tanya Franklin: Wow. Go on. Jay Purnell: Well, I think you always seem, I'm not gonna lie to you, they're always seen as the perfect dogs. And it's like, you always seem like, you know, the one person that's always kind of just like, ⁓ The golden girl, you you always seem like you're the special, child, you know, they always seem like the very special breed of dogs, you know, and it's like, you seem like that type of person, they seem pretty high energetic, you know, they seem kind, polite even, and you kind of like exhibit like all those types of traits, you know. Tanya Franklin: Thank you so much Jay. I appreciate that I'm laughs because that's what Quinn said She said golden retriever quite a few people have said golden retriever. So at least I know I am consistent And it's not you know a dog where they're extremely aggressive or anything like that, so I will take golden retriever all day long so Jay Purnell: Ha! Yes. Yes. hahahaha Tanya Franklin: Yes, thank you jay. So I mean I think in our I I say in our early 20s, but i'm no longer in my earlier mid 20s But still I I would like to say it's kind of like a waiting room for the rest of your life ⁓ so This is where you're figuring things out what moves you're going to make and all of that so I would say don't worry if you don't have all the answers yet because You have an amazing perspective Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: And it's going to serve you well in the future Jay ⁓ So I definitely thank you for sharing some of your insight with me today and to you the listener It's okay if you need to sit and wait sometimes But I hope that you don't wait on sharing this podcast episode with your friends and family and while you're at it Please follow me on Instagram Facebook tick tock and YouTube at tricks. My dog taught me Jay Purnell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tanya Franklin: Until next time, when I get into Week 16's poem, Size Does Not Matter, here's something to ponder inspired by my little guy, Zach the Toy Poodle. Keep moving or sit and wait. Each approach can lead to progress when applied at the appropriate moments. Take care and I'll see you next week.