Davina Rankin: Hello my loves, welcome back to another episode of the Upgrade Edit. Today's episode is all about something we rarely give ourselves, especially us ladies, and that's permission. Something that was kind of showing up very loudly for me over the past couple of weeks ⁓ with working quite closely with the women that I mentor. I notice how much should... The word should. When I say should, I've got quotes, quotation marks going on with my little fingers. So the word should comes up so often in conversation. And to be honest, I fucking hate that word. Like should should not be in your vocabulary. Honestly, the word should ⁓ So... ⁓ This episode is all about giving you permission about the things that you feel you should do, but when in actual fact, you don't need to. So that's probably one of my favorite things about being a coach is when women say to me, ⁓ my God, you've just given me so much permission to do this for myself. Or you've given me so much permission to be louder in this area of my life. Or you've given me so much permission. to put up a boundary here. And as you should, babe, that's the only time I'm gonna use that word in this podcast, I promise. ⁓ So yeah, today is all about permission, permission to change, permission to set boundaries, permission to leave things that no longer feel right. So think of this episode as a little stack of permission slips for you and your life. If you've been waiting for someone to tell you it's okay to do the things, this is it. I am here. So let's get into it. Permission slip number one, your social media should be your happy place. Honestly, at what point did social media become the place where you open it up and you feel worse about yourself, you feel like you have to entertain other people, you feel like you have to follow people that you're actually not interested in at all, just to be friendly. Let's start with this small but powerful permission slip, your social media, your feed is not a public service. You are allowed to unfollow people. You are allowed to remove followers. You are allowed to protect your peace. One of my beautiful clients was saying to me, know, I'm uploading things about my new business. Like she's starting a new business. And one of our exercises is like allowing her to be more seen and become more comfortable in front of the camera. to be able to promote herself, to be able to share her knowledge, to be able to, you know, share her light with the world. But she was saying, I'm so hesitant to upload this stuff because there's a lot of people on my social media that don't know me like this. And I feel like they're gonna judge me. And I'm like, well, why the fuck are they on your social media then? I'm like, you can remove them as a follower. You know that, right? And she literally was like, I could never. I could never like what if they get angry at me? What if they get disappointed and I'm like but doll they're literally Dulling your light they're dimming your sparkle Like do you want to have people around you that make you feel like you actually can't be your truest boldest biggest expression? No so Thought of actually removing followers or unfollowing people ⁓ can be a little bit daunting because we're so used to being palatable for people, we're so used to people pleasing but at the end of the day we neglect what our body tells us about the people that are in our lives. Like when your body says ⁓ no I could never do that because so-and-so is going to judge me, that is a clear indicator that that person is not for you, that person is not here for this next chapter of your life and the sooner you remove those people the quicker you're going to level up, I promise. And it's not saying that you are deleting them forever, it's just you setting a boundary. And I mean, if they contact you about this, if they bring this up to you, what a beautiful way for you to start that conversation. You know, hey, I actually don't feel fully supported by you in our friendship. And I've realized that and it, you know, I just felt like I needed to distance myself. Valid. not overly controversial or confrontational at all right it's just the truth and if that offends them then I guess maybe it's a really beautiful opportunity for them to be able to look at how they are showing up for you or how they or how they have shown up for you in the past and then maybe it's a really beautiful way for you guys to maybe reconnect in a new way in this new chapter of your life where they can show up and be a little bit more interested or ⁓ connect to you a little bit better and you can maybe connect to them a little bit better, who knows? But at the end of the day, you owe no one nothing, but what you do owe is yourself the opportunity to be as fully expressed in this life as humanly possible because literally what the fuck else is there to life? We are not here to play small, we're not here to be mediocre. If someone makes you feel judged, If someone makes you shrink yourself, if someone makes you feel like you need to dull down who you are, you do not need to keep them around for politeness. Your social media should feel like a place where you can show up fully as yourself. not a place where you perform for approval. You know, if someone belong in your digital space anymore, you're allowed to. close that door and it is perfectly okay. Let's take a breath to that, shall we? Okay. Permission slip number two. Post the content. I know there's a lot of ladies that listen to me that are wanting to do big things, that are wanting to start the business, that are wanting to share their outfits, that are wanting to... talk about you know the new recipes that they've made or whatever it is post the fucking content post it people are so afraid of looking cringe online but here's the truth most people don't think someone is cringe because they actually are they think that someone is cringe because they are brave enough to do something that themselves are too scared to do i'm gonna say that again they think you are cringe because you are brave enough to do something that they will not and cannot do. Okay? So when you start putting yourself out there, when you start speaking, creating, sharing, you hold up such a beautiful mirror to other people's fears and it's confronting. It is confronting. And some people will project that discomfort back onto you, but that does not mean you stop. Okay? because the truth is the people who win at anything are the people who are willing to look a little awkward at the start. Honestly, I have shared some shit that I'm like, maybe I should not be sharing this video of me, you know, going through an embodiment process, crying on the floor of my studio. You know, like, that's a bit vulnerable. But as soon as I upload that, yes, of course there's going to be many shares of it. But also I'm giving people a permission slip to be able to do that for themselves, to be able to show up vulnerably for themselves. And although people might judge, you know, it's not none of my business how you feel about me, but it is my business that that information reaches the right people because that is what I am put on this earth to do is to help others and to give people permission to be able to live their most embodied and fullest expression. Post the video. share the thought, launch the idea, your life does not get bigger by you playing small. And with that, let's take a breath. Beautiful, okay. Permission slip number three, boundaries. I mean, permission slip number one is technically boundaries as well, but this is more boundaries in general. And boundaries are not about controlling other people, they're about protecting your energy. A lot of my clients that come in for healings, the amount of spiritual surrogation, that they are carrying when they are, you know, beautiful empaths, but they take on so much of other people's stuff because they allow themselves, you know, they allow other people so much access to them. And, you know, I heard this beautiful quote the other day, which is, just like hits resentment is just the result of the lack of the boundaries you have. Which hits, doesn't it? know, when someone's overstepping or someone's giving too much unwarranted advice or whatever it might be and you just go, ⁓ my God, I can't deal with this person, but you actually allow yourself in that space, you know? It's like, yes, sure, the person can be annoying and you can resent them for whatever it is that's going on, but you... it's your lack of boundaries which is causing this resentment. If only you had a boundary there, you wouldn't feel that way about this person. So a boundary is simply saying, this is what I allow in my life and this is what I do not. And it might look like not answering messages immediately or not engaging in drama or gossip, getting up from a table when you hear people starting to talk about things that just don't align with you. ⁓ Honestly, the not answering messages thing is like a big one for me. I feel the need constantly to be available for everyone all the time. But then that also causes resentment for me. And I can tell when I see, you know, messages coming through and I actually get a little bit of a pit in my stomach, I'm like, okay, well, I'm not honoring myself here. I will come back to this after I've regulated or I've done my thing or I'm in like... I'm feeling grounded and open and I can receive and I have the space for this, then I will open that message and then I can be of service. But when I'm trying to push myself to be available to too many people or too many things at once, it feels uncomfortable for me. And that's a beautiful, beautiful feedback for me to know like, okay, I need to step back here. I need to have a boundary here. And also like not explaining yourself to people who misunderstand you on purpose, because there's always going to be people that choose to not understand you. So just understanding that you owe no one nothing. the people who benefit from you having no boundaries will often be the ones that are most upset when you create them. ⁓ And again, beautiful feedback. And we can't change people, right? Like some people are just gonna be the same people for the rest of their lives. And it doesn't mean we have to cut them off. It just means we need to know where to cut ourselves off in order to protect our peace. So it's like, if you know that you have had a win at work this week and you want to share it with someone, but you also know that they're not going to be the people that are going to be the most excited for you. You know those people where you're like, ⁓ I can't wait to tell someone this and then you tell them and then they're like, ⁓ well, didn't you think about this though? Like, isn't that gonna be a problem? And you're like, fuck, that was not the reaction I wanted right now. Just know like, look, I love this person, but you're not the person that I'm going to go and share my big news with. Or I love you and you're amazing, but I'm going to keep things private for myself because I know it doesn't benefit me and I know that I just get, I have resentment. when I cross that boundary. Okay, just know which baskets to put people in. You don't necessarily have to cut everyone off. You just need to know what baskets to put them in. ⁓ And ⁓ yeah, ⁓ a lot resentment in your life. ⁓ So yeah, like I was saying, the people who benefit from you having no boundaries will often be the ones that most upset when you create them. And it doesn't mean that the boundary is wrong, but it usually does mean that it's necessary. So with that, let's take a breath. Okay, permission slip number four. Dating. Honestly, I love talking about dating now that I'm actually dating because it's so fun. But also I've been learning a lot about boundaries within dating and understanding yourself within dating. ⁓ And then also having permission to like say no, to leave, to speak my truth, ⁓ all the things. It's all coming up and it's amazing. So when you're dating someone, one of the most important questions isn't, do I like them? The deeper question is, who do I become when I am around them? So do they bring out your inner child? Do they make you feel playful, curious, safe? Or do they bring out your mother energy where you're constantly fixing and managing them? Or maybe they bring out a version of you that feels smaller, anxious, or not quite yourself. The right relationships, now I'm going to say this with my chest, okay? The right relationships should bring out the best and most authentic version of you. the softest version of you, the most feminine version of you, the calmest version of you, okay? And it is very, very interesting when you are in a connection with someone and you start to notice how the body is showing up. I wanna give you permission to listen to your body, your body knows, and to give yourself time. to actually unpack what it is that you are feeling. So through dating, nervous system regulation is so important, embodiment is so important. So, you know, take your time. You don't need to make decisions on people straight away because you don't want to chaos with okay? Take your time, unpack your feelings, journal about it. EFT tap on it, meditate on it, see what you need to do and take your time and listen to your body. Pay attention to what someone activates inside of you and that tells you a lot. So you have full permission instead of saying, looks great on paper, he's six foot tall, dark, handsome. You are allowed to say, how do I feel about him? Not, do I like him? How do I like myself when I am in his presence? That is the reframe that we are gonna be working with. Permission slip number five, you're allowed to leave. And this one is big. This is one that my clients really can't get their head around sometimes, but the minute that they do, they're like, ⁓ God, it's like everything clicks. It's like they see this big, beautiful open world right in front of them. You're allowed to leave. You're allowed to leave the job. You're allowed to leave the relationship. You're allowed to leave the friendship. You're allowed to leave the version of life that doesn't feel right anymore. wholeheartedly believe that when we want to up we have to make space this new chapter, we have to make space for this new life. It is impossible to bring absolutely ⁓ everything with us into the next chapter. Things have to leave. ⁓ So ⁓ Just knowing that anything that doesn't feel aligned with this new version of you needs to fall apart in order for you to fully embody that version and for you to fully embody this new chapter. people will think, people say, ⁓ what will I look like? ⁓ staying something that drains your soul just to protect an image, my love, it is not success. That is a slow kind of self abandonment. Your life is not meant to be lived for other people's comfort. If something isn't aligned anymore, you're allowed to walk away. And I promise you every time you cut a cord, the universe delivers you something 20 times better. I promise. You might not see it now. You might not see it in a week, But I promise you when you cut that cord, it will come back to you 20 times better. I've seen it ⁓ over and over and over and over again in my own journey. Even the that feel so painful. ⁓ to let go of, I get it back even better. Friendships that were half-assed, know, friendships that felt like work, friendships that felt unsupported, but I'd been friends with them since school, and I feel like I have to. The minute I decided to let go of the things that were draining me and felt hard, I got 10 new best friends, the best friends. that are more aligned, that give me so much energy, that give me life force, that have the same values and motivation as me. Like it's just, I get that because I chose better. The relationship, you know, the relationship that you feel like you have to be in because you have the white picket fence or the family or you live in a good suburb or whatever it is, but you're not happy, your soul isn't thriving. Cut that off and watch who walks into your life. Watch the relationship that you get to have and better how much you get to love yourself in that relationship, how good life gets to feel, how pleasurable life gets to feel. You get to have it all, but you have to choose it. You have to choose the best for yourself constantly. And my life honestly is just a very intense, intentional selection of great people, good decisions, integrity for showing up for myself. Because I know the more intentional I am with the places that I go, the people that I'm with, the that I say yes to, the partnerships that I have, ⁓ the women I work with. the food that I eat, how active I am for myself. Like I know that the universe repays me with miracles every fucking day. Logically, we know that two plus two equals four, right? Like we just know that because like, duh. But we don't understand that every time we cut a cord or every time we say yes to us, we also get something back in return. Like that, the math maps, you know, it's a universal language. Like choose good, get good. Right? Your internal world is just going to be reflected in your outter world. If there's chaos or dis-ease in your internal world or judgment or pain or suffering, you best believe that's gonna be played out to you in your 3D reality as well. So make sure that what's going on internally, the people that you're surrounding yourself with, the environments that you're choosing to be in internally, are alignment to the person that you want to be and watch you become that person watch you because you get that life watch you step into that version of you that has everything that you've ever wanted but I'm telling you you cannot get to that next level if you're choosing the old ways of living the old people the old places and you're choosing to suffer because Yeah, just know And finally the last permission slip of the day. You can literally become a new person tomorrow. One of my favorite truths. You're allowed to become a completely new person tomorrow if you decide. You are not locked into who you were last year, last month or even yesterday. People often feel stuck because they believe their past decisions define them forever. No babe. Go sign up for the Pilates class tomorrow. Go get yourself a new outfit. Choose to style your hair different. Show up in a different way. You know, make different decisions. Hang out with different people. Go to different places. You can change in a day. Let me tell you. You can wake up tomorrow and decide I'm prioritizing my health. I'm starting that project. I'm speaking up more. I'm living differently. I'm setting boundaries. Reinvention is one of the most powerful things about being a human. We are not a tree. We're not stuck in one place forever. You get to change and you get to dream about who you want to be too. after listening to this podcast, have a think like if I could show up as anyone tomorrow, who would I be? How could I start embodying that CEO version of me? How could I start embodying that sensual, slow, fucking divine, feminine version of me? First, I'd have to cut out the people that make me stress, have to cut out the people that bring out the masculine in me and make me overwork and make me overproduce and under express myself. You know, if I wanted to show up as a CEO tomorrow, what would I do? I'd fucking start. I'd start with building my brand. I'd start with posting more. I'd start with getting clear on my vision. You know, if I wanted to turn into the most healthy, fit, confident version of me, how can I show up as her tomorrow? Well, I'd wake up and put my activewear on straight away and get to my favorite class. I would prioritize making myself a beautiful nourishing breakfast first thing in the morning. That's what she would do. Think about it. If you could start tomorrow, how would you show up? Because you literally, literally can't. Stop waiting. Stop waiting. Your time is now. Tomorrow is not promised. Start right now. Okay, so my loves, consider this episode as your little stack of permission slips. You're allowed to curate your social media. You're allowed to create and put yourself out there. You're allowed to set boundaries. You're allowed to pay attention to what people bring out in you, you're allowed to leave when it isn't aligned. You're absolutely allowed to become a new person whenever you decide your life is yours. And we don't need a committee vote to live it. Please remember that. It's no one else's business, it's all yours. And I know that that is a great responsibility, knowing that everything in your life you are responsible for. You know, really takes the victimhood out of it, doesn't it? Which can be confronting, but also extremely, extremely empowering. So on that note, I'm sending you so much love. If you are interested in showing up a little differently this year, head over to my website, the Upgrade by Davina. I have all of my retreats for 2026 listed on there. Come into the studio. Get yourself a beautiful healing. If you're after some mentoring, I can absolutely offer that for you as well. I will now be offering breathwork sessions. So transformational breathwork sessions or even functional breathwork programs. All of the above, it's all happening. And I am here for you every step of the way. I'll speak to you soon.