Rochel Taktuk: Okay, I'm back. Baby woke up, I gave him lunch, and now we're back. ⁓ Guys, this is mom life. You're just at my house with me, and you're my friend, and that's the way we're gonna see this, because this is my new life. Anyways, what I was saying was that Hashem in exile, right, amidst the no, the exile means there are no miracles, God is not talking to your face, there are not these prophets that are telling you this is exactly what God wants of you, and he's real, and he wants the best for you, and it takes avaida. Avaida means work. So if things are getting hard for you or if things are hard for you, you're being called to be an exile Jew or an exile person. If you're not Jewish, to find God when there aren't those explosive miracles, because then you can actually own your relationship with God. You're not relying on proof. You have to really dig deep into your soul, into your neshamah. just you know, deep down you know you have to learn Torah. You have to connect with God. But if Esther is this kind of beautiful, the one that denigrates us, that causes us immense suffering and pain, how does she become so powerful at the end of the story? Do you guys remember when Vashti, King Achashraeus doesn't know what to do with his first wife Vashti because she disobeyed him and his advisors say you have to get rid of her. It means kill her because every man in all of your provinces across your whole empire will know. Okay guys, today is Parim. Happy, happy Parim. I hope you're enjoying with your family, with your friends, and I hope that you're feeling the spiritual side of Parim and understanding what's happening. It's a really important, special day. We know that Parim ⁓ is even greater than Yom Kippur, than Yom Kippur, right? Yom Kippur is called Yom Kippurim, which literally means a day like Parim. Yom Kippurim, it's like Parim, because Parim, as silly as we might think it is, and we did a big class on this last year, you can go listen to that today, Their wives will hear what Vashti did and they will no longer listen to their husbands. They will become universally disobedient. So you have to kill Vashti because women will control us. And then, v'nahafochu. Everything turns on its head. Who controls Achashverosh at the end of the story? A woman does. Esther has Achashverosh wrapped around her finger. Every time... In exile, you have to work to make God real for you. And it's kind of like ⁓ a relationship, a relationship when you're, what's more real? What has more weight to it, more gravity? A marriage after 20 years ⁓ or like the first month of two people dating and there are fireworks and it's explosive and they are obsessed with each other and they're, why is this moving? And there are these like, Because remember, the sea splitting doesn't work. It doesn't work long term. Anything that doesn't require work doesn't work. doesn't stay with you. You can't own it. You can't earn it. When Moshiach comes, we will have earned that relationship with God because we worked for it and we didn't rely on miracles. that, just remember that when you're like, oh, I'm at rock bottom and this is pointless and this is meaningless. It's not true. That's actually, it's actually happening. Honestly, that was like my favorite class I ever gave ever on anything. Purim is so mysterious. It is so holy. In fact, my sister was just telling me that on Purim, the holiday of Purim, sorry, is ⁓ going to be valid forever. It's going to be a valid holiday forever. Meaning, our sages tell us that when Moshiach comes, other holidays will be null and void. We won't really celebrate them anymore. We won't really need them anymore. She disobeys him. She even tells Mordecai, we're going to say this in a second. I can't go to the king and beg him for my life because he's going to kill me. He killed his first wife and there's a universal law with the hashviyos. You can't go to him until he calls you. Do you want me to die? Because God is like nudging you. He's nudging you. See me. Connect to me. I am the grand master of all things. I dictate all things. I orchestrate. I'm the great orchestrator. I'm the orchestrator of your life. And by the way, I've learned guys the hard way, unfortunately, that if you don't do that, I feel like God keeps nudging. I just feel like he does that. If you don't understand that this is what's happening to you is happening to you for a reason. ⁓ because I put my palms up. Sorry, guys. I'm still learning how to use this, use this camera. And there are these like firework explosions and they're obsessed with each other, like I said. And ⁓ it's like these miracles, right? There are miracles in this relationship and ⁓ it's kind of easy because the emotions are there. You don't have to work for it. What's more real that or a marriage, which maybe doesn't have as many open miracles. It isn't like they're obsessed with each other every single day and they have And it's most amazing thing. Esther becomes this extremely powerful woman at the end of the story. And yet, in the beginning, she has no agency, she has no power, she has no will of her own. There are something about Purim that is so holy, it is so essentially holy, that it will last forever. It stands forever. Even when Shiekh comes, we're still going to celebrate it, which is unbelievable. And this is a really deep concept we're going to go into. And actually, today's class is all about you. This discussion, I should say, is really all about you, because a lot of times I'll actually go into the text, and I have it here. I have the Tanakh here. ⁓ The Book of Esther is in K'tuvim, K'tuvim, which means the writings, that portion of the work and bills and all these practical things. But you know, they're in the exile, so to say it's 20 years you have to, but you have to own, you have to earn that marriage for it to last 20 years because that obsession and that, you know, ⁓ first month of, of, of open miracles, let's say is not there anymore. After 20 years, you have to really is happening for you, like the paramegilla, God keeps nudging. That's not like to scare you. Itamar? Itamar? Hi. That's my husband. I wanna say, I'm finishing my podcast, okay? I'm finishing my podcast. It needs five minutes. Sorry guys. This is my new reality, like I said before. The second thing I wanna talk about and... And the one constant thing is that she's beautiful. Her beauty is constant throughout the story. Everyone who sees her is enchanted. Everyone who looks at her falls in love. She is just this gorgeous creature. And people can't help themselves but just fall at her feet. So what is it? Is beauty good or is beauty bad? Is her beauty good for her or is it, what is her beauty? A lot of times we'll do like a super, you know, concept based or text based class, but today I really want to focus on you. And there's a reason for that. And I'll tell you that in a minute because, well, I'll tell you that in a minute. I'm like, I'll take a minute because, okay, I'll say that in a second. I have to sometimes rain my mind and goes way too fast. ⁓ what was I going to say? So I'll tell you that in a second. Where were we? and Hacham, please help me. You have to find God, have to, you know, so to say, find God in the tiny details of your life. And even when things are hard, you have to stick it out. That's our relationship with God in exile. So it's not to say that 20 years of marriage is a bad thing, God forbid, but it's more difficult than the first month of dating someone. And that's what we're called to do in exile. That is what we're called to do in the Megillah. This is not going to be long, but it's super important. And we're going to read this absolutely epic few verses in McGillis Esther. because it ends up being an extremely powerful, holy thing. And this is why I'm mentioning this because remember I mentioned this, this is about you, this episode. Our beauty can be either one, but it has to be, and it actually is in reality, the second type. Esther's beauty was God made beauty. It's deeper than just your skin. Before we, I wanna talk about beauty and women, okay? and then we're gonna go to those verses and understand what's happening here. I talk about beauty a lot because it's really relevant. First of all, beauty, women care about beauty very much. We're made in the image of God. We're supposed to be beautiful, right? We women, I'm talking about women right now, men are also created in the image of God. Women, we were really created in the image of God, so we should be beautiful. I obviously care about beauty. I have a long, tumultuous relationship with beauty. You guys know about my eating disorder and whatever. I'm not going into that now, but. get this idea across because I think that it's like the foundation of life, not just Judaism, like our life, our lives. This is so foundational to living a good life where you understand your relationship with God, you understand life itself. And that has to do with struggling, struggling and feeling hopeless and feeling like you're in a bottomless pit that just keeps getting deeper. The Jews do not see God anywhere. He is nowhere in the McGill itself. Right? Hashem's name is nowhere in the McGill. And also he's nowhere to be seen really in their lives in Persia. They want to assimilate. They're kind of embarrassed to be who they are. They want people to like them, which is never a good idea. Guys, let's not do that again. But, but at the end of it, are they strong Jews? Yes. Do they rely on God and put their faith in God? And this is something us women in the 21st century don't, we're forgetting, we're not understanding, which is why beauty is hurting us. It's why 18 year olds and 17 year olds and 15 year olds are getting those jobs and getting these giant lips and putting filler in their faces and killing, they're killing themselves with this stuff. It's an actual nightmare. Esther's beauty was God made. She was made in the image of God. What does that mean that your beauty is made in the image of God? It means your entire being is beautiful. and feeling that you were at rock bottom, which is interesting. Everyone, not everyone, but a lot of people I'm talking to lately, they feel they're at rock bottom. It's such an interesting thing. ⁓ And I felt that in different parts of my life. Everyone feels that at some point, but I feel like it's happening a lot right now to a lot of people. And it's not just like, I'm struggling. It's like despair, hopelessness, feeling. I obviously care. I'm wearing this new beautiful wig and I put a little bit of makeup on today and whatever. I obviously care. And we should because we are created in the image of God. we, and God is beauty. God is beautiful. God is goodness. God has justice. God is perfection. So we should try and not try. We should emulate that. Who do you represent? You represent where you come from. Where do you come from? You come from God. You represent God. It means your inner world shines through your skin. It means your inner world shines through your features. It means your features are beautiful because you are incredible. You have character. You have dignity. You hold yourself in a certain way. That is real beauty. That is God-made beauty. That is made in the image of God beauty. And right now, we are living in a time of man-made beauty, made in the image of man. So why does beauty hurt women so much? you can see Esther, let's connect this to Esther for a minute. Esther Hamalka, Esther the queen, she's not the queen yet, but she's introduced as a very beautiful woman. And this is gonna be in a very painful way. Esther is gonna have no agency. She's the painful kind of beauty. Her beauty is the one that hurts. It makes you quiet, it makes you silent, it makes you rely on your beauty for your safety and to justify your existence kind of. sense of godlessness in your world. And when I say godlessness, like a lot of people don't necessarily think of like Hashem, like, ⁓ Hashem is in my life, Hashem is not in my life, God I feel you, like that's not, godlessness can also mean, because if you're not a very spiritual person, which is fine, it's totally fine, or if you're not, or if you're an atheist, I'm so happy you're here anyways, but we can, when I say godlessness, not just meaning, ⁓ God is not in my life, it's a sense of like purposelessness, like the things that are happening in my life have no purpose. And it's terrible and it's the kind of beauty that denigrates and hurts women. Esther's beauty ended up not just saving her life, saving the entire Jewish nation's life, because people who saw her just fell in love. What does that even mean? Because they'd never seen a woman like that. Because it's hard to come across a woman whose head is held high, she has a crown on her head. She is made and woven up of dignity, of self-respect. It's your validation and your currency in the world. That's the kind of beauty we're introduced to with Esther. That's how Esther is introduced. I want to read it to you. Okay. And Mordecai, we're in verse two, chapter one, and Mordecai was guardian to Hadassah, Esther, his uncle's daughter, for she had no father or mother. The girl was lovely and beautiful. And when her father and mother had died, Mordecai had adopted her as his own child. The things that are like they suck and that's it. They just suck and my life is beginning to suck. And that is impossible. I want you to know today that that's impossible. And I would like to give you some hope, not because I'm trying to trick you into being happy, but because I want you to see reality. I want you to put on your realistic glasses. I want you to change the lens of your eyes or actually take off any glasses you're wearing and see reality for what it actually is. This is the story of Purim. She's truly made in the image of God. She's made in the and when you see godliness, you fall at its feet. You fall at its feet. And if a woman has beauty that is made in the image of, you will fall at her feet. That's real beauty, and that's the kind of beauty that builds and doesn't destroy. But on the flip side, the kind of beauty that destroys and doesn't build is man-made beauty when you're made in the image of man. This is how we're introduced to Esther. She's extremely beautiful. And this is going to be kind of her downfall in the beginning. She's going to be shipped off to this murderous, gluttonous, disgusting King Achashverosh who's truly abominable in every way. He is a murderer. He uses women. He sleeps with, it seems, hundreds of thousands of women. Sorry, my husband's on the phone. ⁓ This is the story of Purim. The story of Purim is, it's interesting because like we kind of celebrate it as like the silly thing where everyone is drinking. actually, you're supposed to drink. You're supposed to drink until you can't tell the difference between Haman and Mordechai. ⁓ Not that I think everyone should drink. I don't drink on Purim. There are four mitzvos, but we're not going to go through that right now. You can look that up on Chabad.org or something and make sure you actually fulfill the mitzvos of the day. But it's a kind of a silly holiday. In fact, even like the text and I have it here. It really saddens me that there are Jewish influencers. I'm thinking of one in particular. Well, it's funny because a lot of people say she's the Esther of our time, which I don't know if I should laugh or cry at that statement. And this is the painful kind of beauty. And Esther starts off very submissive and she can't talk. She's in danger. This man slaughtered his first wife, Vashti. And Mordechai tells her, do not tell anyone your just don't even open your mouth in general. Don't open your mouth in general. You're in danger. And she's shipped off to this harem and she becomes a sort of slave to Achashverosh and she's stuck there. And it's that kind of beauty that is extremely painful. the story of Esther, Miguel S Esther, it's kind of hilarious and kind of terrible and it's kind of insane. Like it's everything all at once. It's an insane story. We discussed this last year in that class that I loved it's up and down. It's topsy turvy. Nothing really makes sense, but actually it's a very serious thing. It's a very serious story. There are times where like you almost want to laugh. Like that didn't happen. No freaking way. who is wearing a mask, God gave her a face and she has changed it so much. She not only is wearing a mask, but the mask has become her face. She no longer has her own face. The mask is sewn onto her forever. It's like she's created in the image of man. And I wouldn't care really. and it's the downfall of women and it hurts and you know in this in our modern time this kind of beauty it we think it define it's the kind of be that we think defines us But it's actually a very serious story. And it's serious because it's hopeless. It's godless, right? We know that the story of Esther, the Megillah's Esther, literally Hashem, Hashem's name, God's name does not appear once in the entire Megillah. So you would think that this story is godless. In fact, and I was just reading this in Koran's, they have like this Esther, not a textbook, but it's like an academic research book on Esther. I think that's what, it's kind of an academic. if this person and her husband weren't telling other people to do the same. Gathering thousands of young Jewish women. You we Jewish women, we were created to lead. Not because we're more special or more important, but because we were given the Torah, and the Torah is the truth. Don't wear a mask. Let the world see that you were created in the image of God. You were not created in the image of man. When you change all your features and when you allow a surgeon to change your face, work on on Miguel S Esther and I got, I told my husband, I feel really uncomfortable about what I just read and what I just learned. There was like this whole thing about Esther that I did not understand, ⁓ that basically this whole beauty pageant that was happening, and we're not going to go through the whole story. So if you don't know it quickly, look it up, just look at the summary. We're going to go through some of it, but if you don't know, then look it up on your own and come back to this. So, you know what I'm talking about, but there's like this big beauty pageant that people kind of think. It's like erasing the image of God that is painted on you. And how perverse that women do this in order to be more beautiful. And it's not godly. And you can see it because they can't really move anymore. It's like their expression, their life force stops expressing itself through their face. And it's a terrible, terrible thing. And I'm not saying aging's not difficult. about in a naive way, and she was saying this author, this academic, you know, this, what's it called? This academic was talking about how it was really sex slavery. And I hate to use those words regarding Esther in connection to Esther at all, but Esther became I know one day I'm going to be full of wrinkles and I'm going to, all my face is going to fall. I know that. And I don't think it's going to be easy. And I'm sure it's going to be difficult. beauty is available to all women at all times at every age because it's not, it shines through you. And I'm not just saying that to be like cliche and positive. It really does. in some ways, a sex slave. And actually, all of the women, all of the virgins that came to King Achashverosh's harem, they all ⁓ were stuck there forever. It's a terrible, terrible story. Esther was stuck in Achashverosh's palace, from what we know, forever, but that's not even the point. We talked about that last year. I'm just saying these women were, you know, putting on oils and getting ready for, it was a year, 12 months. Esther had the world falling at her feet because God shone through her face. God was shining through her face. Her features expressed something so deep, it expressed her soul. And when you see that in a woman, you can't help but just, you just fall down. You melt in front of her. We have a generation of women now who are trying so hard to be beautiful and in trying to be more beautiful, they're erasing their beauty. And then they would go to the king for one night and return the morning, meaning they slept with the king. And then they became his concubines. Cause if he didn't, he only picked, seems one woman, which was Esther, but there were lots of other women that didn't get chosen. And they went back to the harem and they were called Pilagshim, concubines. And they were stuck there for life. Once you sleep with the king, you're kind of his property. They never got married. They never built families. They were stuck there for life. The story seems like a hopeless one. And again, a godless one. because true beauty is more than skin deep. It's an expression of something mysterious, your soul, something deep and spiritual and mysterious that humankind can't really grasp. Beauty is when that shines through your face. And when you erase it... And yet everything that, well, we'll go there in a minute, it really is, it just becomes more and more, like the situation becomes more and more dire and terrible. And by the way, you know, it's interesting, this whole, everyone's talking about like, you freeze your face, God cannot shine through that anymore. And Esther had real beauty. When the verse says she was beautiful, it doesn't lead to her downfall, it leads to her success and to her own power because it's real beauty. That's how beauty builds women. So happy Purim everyone. I hope you have an amazing time today. Really feel. the wider miracle, the collective miracle of Parham that we're experiencing right now with Iran and Israel post October 7th, right? We have this hopeless situation of October 7th where we felt murdered as a nation. We felt that someone had slaughtered us, like completely. Yes, it was 1200 people, but we felt we had been killed ourselves. Like our nation felt like it had no blood left. I don't know how else to describe it. And then, you know, this godless story, where was God? Is there a God? How did this happen? We're the chosen nation. How did this happen? If you're going through some stuff, remember, in Purim everything falls apart, but it falls apart for a purpose. And it all comes back together. And know that if that's happening to you, it's happening for a reason. And remember that it happened in Purim, and it will happen for you too. It will all come together. And to the women who are listening, ⁓ remember that your beauty should build you and not destroy you. And it will, once you understand that, allow Hashem and your soul to shine through you. And then, you know, what we're seeing now, everyone's saying, oh, here is God, here is God. Oh, look what Israel's doing. It's cutting off the heads of all of its enemies and it's getting not just revenge, but it's justice. And everyone's talking about these wider miracles despite the fact that we had this like hopelessness and, oh, sorry, I'm still getting used to this camera. Anyways, I want to bring that to you as an individual. I don't really want to talk about the collective miracle anymore. I want to talk about you. and the world will fall at your feet and your beauty will nurture you and it won't hurt you. Anyways, I love you guys and happy perm. ⁓ and that hopelessness of like a series of terrible events is in the McGill and it's also maybe happening in your life. And that's okay. That's okay. In the McGill, we have, first of all, Esther loses her parents. She's an orphan. She's raised by her. I believe he's, I always get confused. People call him her uncle, but I believe their first cousins more to high and Esther. And then the K the Jewish people aren't a terrible spiritual situation. They are totally trying to get rid of their identity. They're so embarrassed to be Jewish. They want to, it, like we do in almost every society, they want to assimilate. want to be less Jewish and more Persian. Okay. That's also a hopeless situation because it never ends well. And then what happens? Vashj is killed. And then, ⁓ Esther is stolen from her house, stolen as pretty much a sex slave. and she's taken for 12 months and then she's chosen by this monster who killed his first wife. He is a murderer. And now Esther's in his domain and no one has control over that. And not just that, it becomes more hopeless. And then Haman wants to literally destroy every single Jew. It says every man, every woman, every child. That's pretty freaking scary. We know how that feels, okay? And it just gets worse and worse and worse and worse. And I'm going to bring you to a verse in a minute. ⁓ I want to talk about, we'll get there in a second. These, I've mentioned this every poem. I think the most powerful, I say this about a lot of verses, so I shouldn't say it again, but some of the most powerful Psochem in the entire Tanakh and the whole Jewish 24 books of the Torah are in the Megillah. And I read them every year and they make me cry every year. And we'll get there in a minute. But it feels godless and it feels hopeless. And our lives can feel that way. And again, when I say godless, I mean there's no direction. Like all these things that suck are happening just because they suck. And it's a terrible feeling. can survive almost anything. We can endure almost anything if we know that there's purpose in it, right? Like know, Man's Search for Meaning, he survived. the camps because he kept thinking, my wife is alive and I'm going to get back to her. And he had a why so he can survive almost any how, right? I just improvised someone else's quote. But if there's godlessness, it leads to severe depression and hopelessness. The things I'm going through that are hard, they're hard and that's it. It's never, that's not the truth ever. What is wrong with this camera? Nothing's wrong with it. That's not the truth. Everything that happens in the Purim story happens because God makes it happen, which is why we say, v'nafochu, and everything was turned on its head. The entire first half of the Megillah is pure misery. It is death. is horror. It is hopelessness. It is slavery. It is murder. And then the second part of it is meaning. This is why this happened. You know why Esther was shipped off as a slave to Ahashveru? She saved the entire Jewish nation. It's an incredible thing. It's an incredible, incredible thing. And it's not just that Hashem is everywhere because again, these things seem terrible, but they all happen because God makes them happen, right? Hashem is nowhere in the Megillah, but He's actually everywhere. And it's this rare thing. Well, because it's a story and we're living after the story, you can see the beginning and the end. Your story, you're only seeing the beginning. Everything that happens in the Megillah, it happens because God makes it happen. So why is His name nowhere? And this is what I want to teach you. I want you to understand. We sometimes in our lives, we want these giant miracles to change our lives. It's kind of like when the Jews left Egypt, they needed proof that God was real and existed, even though Moshe kept telling him, this is what God told me. And I guess, you know, they were so traumatized, which makes sense, but they saw all of these miracles, the 10 plagues, they saw the sea split. They saw the fire at night leading them in the midbar in the desert and the cloud in the day. And it was never enough. We learned this on Parshas Zakhur, actually. Why did Amalek, well, I don't want to connect Amalek to this right now, so scratch that. It was never enough. The miracles never truly affected them. They still, like, till the end of time, their relationship with God, was never like cemented into their souls, into their hearts, into their minds, because it wasn't matured. When you rely on miracles to connect to God, you're not earning that relationship. It's kind of ⁓ superimposed on you. So again, the Jews leaving with Sryan, the sea split and it had no effect on them, right? They kept complaining for 40 years, take us back to Egypt. Did you bring us out here to kill us? Is this why you did this? Take us back to Egypt, please? for 40 years. And you wonder, did that miracle have no effect on them? Like they saw God, they heard God at Mount Sinai. What is wrong with these people? When you don't work for something, you cannot own it. The story of Esther is the story of exile. It's actually a, the Megillas Esther, the story of Esther, like the actual Megilla, the scroll, it's an exile scroll. It's a scroll of exile and I believe that that's why it's going to survive into the times of Mashiach because the hell that we are going through in Galos, in exile, is out of this world. It's going to stand as a testament to our strength and our commitment to God for eternity, even when Mashiach comes. The story of Esther is a story of exile. And what happens in exile, and this is why God is nowhere but He's everywhere, is that God is asking us to no longer rely on miracles, to actually earn the relationship. If you consistently rely on miracles to see God in your life, to connect to God, you know how like back in the day people spoke to God, we had prophets, and God spoke to them and He appeared to them and like, in the holy temple, the Besamechdash, like there was fire that burned things and you were like, ⁓ there's God, haha, I know God exists because a heavenly fire just came and consumed my sacrifice. Okay. That borrows you from earning your relationship with God. You can't have two at the same time. You need to be able to know God is there when things suck. Things sucking and things being hard doesn't negate God. Like it doesn't... That doesn't mean that God is not around. God's existence can't change. can't be influenced by anything. That is what exile is all about. That is what Purim is all about. being so sure of God. Look at Mordechai. Mordechai la-yechra ve-leishtachaveh. La-yechra ve-leishtachaveh. That is my verse. My son's name is Mordechai. That is what I think when I say, yo, of Mordechai, my baby, yo of Mordechai did not, la-yechra, he would not bow and he would not prostrate. I only bow to God. Haman, screw you. I will never bow to you. I bow to God alone. But there were no miracles. Actually, things really sucked. But Mordechai, wouldn't bow. My baby's crying. One second, I'll be right back.