Holly Toscanini: Friends, if you've ever hit a wall and thought, what is happening to my body? Why does everything feel harder all of a sudden? This episode is for you because today I'm talking with Heike Yates, midlife fitness expert, author, podcast host, and creator of the Spark Framework. Now, Heike helps midlife women rebuild strength and energy and confidence using realistic strategies that actually work on real days, not just your perfect day. And her story sort of stopped me when I first heard it. She left her nine to five, moved to Washington DC and found herself rebuilding her entire sense of self as a single mom, raising her kids on a very tight budget. And instead of waiting until things were easier or more certain, she moved literally and figuratively. And that became the foundation for everything she now teaches. Now she has over 35 years of experience in fitness coaching. She created Pilates with Resista Ball, which is a joint friendly approach to strength that is genuinely designed for real women's bodies. She hosts the Pursue Your Spark podcast and she wrote the book Pursue Your Spark. And today we're going to talk about what it takes to stop waiting to feel ready and what steady, sustainable movement and self-trust look like in midlife. And I'm really glad she's here. Heiko, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for agreeing to be here today.

Heike Yates: I'm looking forward to our conversation. Thank you for inviting me.

Holly Toscanini: My pleasure. You I have to say when I learned about your whole background, the combination of your story and your work, it felt really aligned with the women that I talk to every day and that listen to this podcast. before we get into your actual framework and all the practical stuff, I want to go back to that season you were in leaving your job, moving, raising your kids alone and building something new. What was fitness for you in that period and what did it maybe give you that nothing else in your life could?

Heike Yates: Fitness became my gateway to empower myself from having the nine to five where you get a steady paycheck, paid vacation, I was working for the foreign service, ⁓ then be a stay at home mom, ⁓ with job, no income of whatsoever, and then slowly started, especially after I got divorced, getting full-time positions in it really provided me the way. feel empowered because I never thought that in a million years that I would feel that I have to ask somebody for money and say, can I buy this? Do we have enough money for that? And I want to go and do something. Can I do this? Because you need to babysit. I felt so trapped. It's probably a good way to phrase it. I felt so trapped in my own life that This was really the gateway to empowerment.

Holly Toscanini: It's important that we say that out loud is that so many women, especially in midlife, have been trained to not ask for help, right? We do everything on our own and it has to be perfect. We don't want to be a burden to anybody. We're always the caretaker. So ⁓ piece about asking for help, it can be really hard to overcome. yeah, so many women I work with come to me saying some version of the same thing. I don't recognize myself. I don't recognize my body.

Heike Yates: It sure does.

Holly Toscanini: and the things that used to work for me don't work anymore. actually happening beneath the surface, ⁓ emotionally, even spiritually, when women kind of hit that wall?

Heike Yates: we're going through so many stages in life. And I find from my own experience, the way I'm going through life and I will be 65 next month, is that every 10 years I tend to not reinvent myself, but change the course of where I want to go. My trajectory in what's next for the next 10 years. What do I do here? I accomplished what I wanted in... My 30s, I was a bodybuilder and I got a full-time job in fitness. I established myself. did the Pilates with Resistor Ball book and program. ⁓ I was thinking, what's next? What could I do next? And that's where curiosity really leads the way in all those things. ⁓ when we feel ⁓ in that, in our lives, we often don't think that we have a choice to move forward. In true honesty, guys, you have a choice. You always have a choice. is not somebody telling you, no, no, no, you can't do this. Like, I couldn't start doing ultra marathons. No, I decided this is what I'm going to do. Come rain or shine or whatever happens. ⁓ But I we need to feel, need to look within and say, yes, ⁓ I can this. And the outcome. really is irrelevant. It's the journey that matters to wherever we're going in that frame.

Holly Toscanini: Absolutely. And it sounds to me like you're saying you gave yourself permission to just do what you needed to do. And oftentimes women find themselves waiting for someone to tell them it's okay.

Heike Yates: Very true. And this is waiting is another one of those things that holds us back in our gaps and traps that, ⁓ if somebody tells me it's okay to do, then I can do it. But what is that? we children? you know, are our partners and friends and environment, ⁓ people that allow us to do things? No.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Giving ourselves permission just to take an action. And I always tell people you don't have to know the outcome, you just have to get started. And it sounds like that's exactly the attitude that you took as just, don't know where I'm going, but we're gonna go there.

Heike Yates: And you know what, Holly was not always the smartest move that I did when I decided that, for instance, I was going to get divorced. I hadn't decided I was going to do this. I walked into my husband's ⁓ office I was on the way with the kids to travel to Germany to visit my family. And I looked at him and I said, I want a divorce. It just came out like this. So no plan, no nothing. And he what? ⁓ And said, Yeah, I actually I do want it.

Holly Toscanini: Was that out loud?

Heike Yates: Yeah, I mean, because you looked at me like, are you crazy? And long story short, that was no plan. I didn't think about the financial consequences. I didn't think about how do I put a roof over our head? How do I get to keep up the costs? I mean, I made $300 back then a month, not a week, a month. it was really tough, but I was so to live the life that ⁓ I and not the one that I

Holly Toscanini: Yeah.

Heike Yates: should when you think about society now I'm a oh you had a good marriage everything was great money was tight but everything else was great you're a great couple but I wasn't happy and thinking about being in a relationship that doesn't fulfill me that doesn't bring me joy I was like oh my god I would be there for the rest of my life no

Holly Toscanini: Yeah, and I love that in that moment you were one, listening to your intuition, right? Something said, this isn't working, we gotta get out. And you didn't let your fear stop you from doing what you knew was right for you.

Heike Yates: I guess I'm fearless.

Holly Toscanini: You are, and more women should understand they are too. It's in there. We just got to let it out, right?

Heike Yates: and I don't prescribe to the notion of if afraid, do it anyway, because to me, means it's either a fight or flight response. I literally said, I don't there was actually no fear. was like, yeah, let's see what happens.

Holly Toscanini: You said a word earlier talking about the gap. I want to know a little bit about the gap between knowing what matters and actually following through with what you want to do, because I think a lot of my listeners live in that gap. So what do you see driving it most often? Would you say it's, I don't know, mindset or the wrong plan or something else entirely?

Heike Yates: think it's a whole combination of everything altogether, which we can't quite pinpoint. we're sort of stuck as the first station. And then we talk or work ourselves into that gap. as we're trying to get ourselves maybe out, we don't really know where to go, what to do, what would work best. And we doubt ourselves and we are afraid. So we end up for the most of the time digging a deeper hole, a deeper gap, which then in my leads to a trap. Like I felt trapped in my marriage, unbeknownst to me. But I realized it and I said, ⁓ my God, this is not what I want. But I think it's a combination of how do we feel about ourselves, our self worth, about how we set boundaries with other people and ourselves. And the actions that we're willing to take. Because I oftentimes say when clients ask about changes, I said, well, what do you want? I want X, Y, Z. And then my follow up question is, what are you willing to do? Are you willing to take that next big step? If it's not, it's OK too. But you may take a smaller step that gets you to that goal in the long run. But there is the payoff. I want this, but am I willing to go through the pain, through the agony, through the feelings that are associated with the change that I'm going through, getting out of the gap and out of the trap eventually?

Holly Toscanini: Mm-hmm. right. So think this is a great time to start talking about your SPARK framework because I want my listeners to actually remember all of this. So walk us through what each of the letters maybe stands for. What is the SPARK framework? And tell us a little bit about which part do most women skip or maybe undervalue.

Heike Yates: The Spark method is a simple framework, hopefully that everybody can remember when they think of the Spark. And it starts with the S, we're scanning, then we're planning. We're taking A for action. Then we have R, which are roadblocks. And then as my book editor said, I should say keep momentum, but I say kick ass.

Holly Toscanini: like that better.

Heike Yates: They said, no, you shouldn't put it in the book. And I'm like, but maybe. So we're keeping momentum. What I find is this, you can relate to that. When we ask our clients about their why, they roll their eyes and they go, ⁓ God, that again. Because nobody wants to go deep down. Everybody wants to give us surface level answers. And they don't really want to go and dig down into their gut and. really get the truth out what it is that their gap or their trap is that holds them back, but because it's scary. And so I, I came up with the spark method to help people find a way that is simple to remember. And the way I think about it is let's use maybe running a 5k or three mile race. So you said I'm walking, but I feel like I want to run. It looks fun. These people look so happy when they're running and I want to do this too. So you decided you're going to run a 5k. So you scan, you say, do I want to do a 5k? Or maybe I do want to do a 10 miler. Maybe I don't want to do a marathon. And then you kind of just check out what fits for the moment. And then you plan. So the next step is the planning phase. What do you need to run? Let's stick with a 5k. decided 5k is it. So you take the 5k. And you go, what do I need? Do I need a team that helps me training? Do I have an accountability partner? When will I run? How often will I run? Should I join a team that teaches me like a running club? Or, and I should say, and do I have the right clothes? Do I have running shoes? Do I have all the equipment I need to make this a successful venture? So you go through this, you check all the things off that you think you need. Then you go to your action part. you say, okay, I got the shoes, I got the clothes, I got my neighbor running with me. She seems to know what to do. So we'll go and do this together. So you start out, but nothing ever goes smooth. That's when the roadblock comes in. You may get blisters on your feet and you're saying, running, this is for the birds. This is not what I want to do. So you go back to your either. you're scanning or you're planning. Maybe you got the wrong shoes. You're going, okay, let me buy some new shoes. Let's go to a reputable book, shoe store, running store and try out new shoes and see how that goes. So you overcame that obstacle that the shoes were the issue. And then you say, ready, I'm ready to go. And you see race day and you get your medal and your t-shirt and you feel like a champion. But. You may have said at the roadblock going back to get the shoes, I really don't want to run. That's little bit I tried was not for me. I'd rather hike. So then you scan, plan, take action, find the roadblocks that sure will pop up, and then you take action. And what I like about my framework is that it is not all or nothing. It is not a do-over. It's simply a path to say, I would like to do this. How can I accomplish this the best way? If I am stuck or something happens, I can always go to the step above and redo what I've just planned and see if I find something that fits better.

Holly Toscanini: That's simple and in theory, and I love that. And one thing you said that I wanna pull out of this a little bit is the doing, because we can buy the book, we can buy the, I know there used to be videos when I was younger, but we can buy the whatever, DVD, the program, the course, we can buy all the stuff, we can read everything, but until we start actually working through the process and doing the things, it's never gonna work. So you can spend your money and get the, get the knowledge, but then putting all of that into action is kind of where the challenge is, right? So how do you encourage your people to go from knowing to actually doing and executing and taking that action?

Heike Yates: Most everybody, I could say all those almost 40 years I've been doing this, a too big of a chunk of what they want to do. Like, you know, a ⁓ three mile doesn't sound that bad for most of us, but for many it's daunting. It is like, ⁓ my God.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah, if you can't walk a mile, yeah, if you can't walk a mile, you're not going to run three.

Heike Yates: Yep, or I can't get around the block or with things like this. So it's daunting. we pick those, pick those audacious goals that we are thinking, ⁓ yeah, look at me, metal at the end, t-shirt. we're overwhelmed. It's too much. I say, start with something that is so small that you don't even notice you're making a difference. Take a step.

Holly Toscanini: Yes.

Heike Yates: If you're not a runner and you barely walk, go about the kitchen aisle once, twice, how it does, how it feels. ⁓ that feels good, then keep going. Do just a little bit more each day or every other day if you're, if you're not in the mood for it, ⁓ we all assume, ⁓ assume everybody loves exercise, of course. ⁓ not everybody does. And so.

Holly Toscanini: Hahaha Yeah, yeah. I think people have developed, especially women in our age group have developed a strange love hate relationship with exercise. You so many women that I've worked with will say they hate it, but I think they hate it because it was always a means to an end. It was a way to burn calories, a way to burn fat or lose weight. And so they never were able to embrace kind of the joy of just being able to move your body.

Heike Yates: Yeah. ⁓ my God. I couldn't agree more with that. It is terrible what our society and the fitness industry, I have to point my finger at them as well, teaching women that exercise is a way to punish yourself. that is so wrong. And we're digging ourselves out a little bit more these days, but the quick fixes, the six week, have it all hard and fast. still prevail in minds because we're still primed to think that this is the way to go and it is not. And I keep saying ⁓ ⁓ up every little bit. It doesn't have to be that hit class that is not good in your ⁓ and your joints hurt and your back hurts and you are wiped out afterwards. That's not the goal or

Holly Toscanini: Right?

Heike Yates: You know, with the good example too is I overate last night, so I'm just going to do an extra cardio and it's going to burn it all off. It is, I mean, it's why I always say, I'm almost 40 years. I can truly say I've seen it all. All the approaches, all the changes to approaches, all the nice gadgets that everybody sells us that promise us results that collect dust in the closet. the things that, ⁓

Holly Toscanini: Yeah.

Heike Yates: keep being regurgitated now as new and great. Some of them stick around, some aren't, but there's never anything new. It really comes down to do what works for your body.

Holly Toscanini: right? And do it consistently, right? Because consistency is one of those words that can make a lot of women feel like they're failing before they even start.

Heike Yates: But what does consistency even mean? So when I say consistency I think of do something more often that you like. I don't say, Holly, five days a week, let's get to it. You have one rest day and then we stretch on Sundays. So let's not waste our days. It do it more often, regularly. Yes, consistent. But I think the word consistency does imply every other day, every three days a week.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah.

Heike Yates: five days a week. And so finding time where you can fit in that you enjoy and that vary in nature. Because people say, ⁓ I want to come and work with you five days a week. And I'm going, ⁓ God, please don't. ⁓ do not want to see you five days a week.

Holly Toscanini: Ha Explain that. Why do you not want to see them five days a week?

Heike Yates: It is doing the same thing over and over in variations. We need to work on our heart health. We need to work on our bone density. We need to work on our flexibility and balance and our mobility. There's so many aspects of health that need to be addressed and no, we can't do that in five days a week.

Holly Toscanini: Right. Well, and I love that you're out these other aspects of health and fitness, like balance, like mobility, like bone strength, because let's it, as we get older, we're losing muscle mass. We are ⁓ shrinking. are of these things that can be doing. And when I think back, God, if I had just kept that walking ⁓ that I doing ⁓ after dinner few nights a week, look how much healthier I would be, or something like that. ⁓

Heike Yates: Mm-hmm.

Holly Toscanini: It's good to remember that consistency has to be consistent for you, not necessarily a rigid plan, right?

Heike Yates: And even if you do it just once a week, people are like, oh, I just do it once a week. I'm like, yes, but you are consistently doing it once a week, once a week. And that's what makes the difference over time.

Holly Toscanini: Right. Right. It does. A lot of people, too, have a history of starting things over, right? We start something big for the class reunion or the holiday, and then we stop. And that kind of cycle of stopping and starting creates a little bit of erosion of self-trust. Like, am going to stick with it this time? Why would this time be any different? How would you suggest helping somebody maybe rebuild trust with herself after years of a pattern like that?

Heike Yates: ⁓ my God, this is such a classic pattern, right and left, whether it's diet or exercise or anything. And we are, again, we are made to believe that this will work. And so we trust the person who sells us the program who promises us this will work. They have no idea how our bodies respond. They have no idea if the program is even appropriate for you. And you just see, reunion, 10 pounds down, want to look great, want to fit in that dress. There's nothing wrong with that. ⁓ we're not changing a habit. We're changing a lifestyle completely that may not be natural to you. And you look at this as the to, ⁓ do you say this in English? The ends to all meet the end or it ⁓ to an end. And so you think, okay, this should work because they said so, whoever they are. Then you go, okay, well, this didn't work. I'm going to try those people because they really look like they have the pictures to prove it. ⁓ know what they're doing. So that's the same thing happens.

Holly Toscanini: A means to an end? Yeah, a means to an end. Yeah, yeah.

Heike Yates: You will not be able to keep the weight. You will not be able to keep the consistency of your workouts up because it's just too much overall. ⁓ you better have a big chunk of what is not working for you. Look at your own body. Look at what your body can do right now and start from there. build slowly over time habits that you actually enjoy and that you stick with instead of, do this really quick thing. And ⁓ of my new friends on Instagram, I've never met her. is in and she loves horseback riding. And she asks me questions when I post and she says, hi, what do you think of this? So I, talk and we chat and we become very friendly over. long distance now. And never posted a picture of herself. And I you know, I see you, I see your horse, I see you're doing these ⁓ crazy kickboxing I'm like, well, what do you want from me? What can I help you with? You're asking me about weight loss, you're asking me about different diets, you're asking me about ⁓ how to a better abs. I'm like, what is really going on on your end? And the truth was that she compared herself to the people that she saw on Instagram that are influencers that are in the business of body. she said, you know, I'm going to this kickboxing class and every time afterwards, I feel terrible. And the person who teaches the class tells me I'm just not working hard enough. And I said, listen, quit. I give you permission to quit ⁓ Find something else. And she said, ⁓ okay. So now she's doing Pilates. She's doing some other strength training that works better for her. She's about my age, our age, ⁓ able to ride her horse again because of everything she did before. She couldn't ride her horse. She was getting but she actually got weaker for what she loved doing. And she finally posted a picture of herself. ⁓ She healthy and strong.

Holly Toscanini: Mm-hmm. Amazing. Wow.

Heike Yates: by normal women's standards.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah, yeah. That sort of follow through. What does it look like for you? mean, a lot of times, I mean, we're talking midlife here. So life gets loud, hormones are shifting, sleep is rough, ⁓ is ⁓ of absent. How you encourage people to try to follow through with what it is that they have planned on doing, whatever it might be?

Heike Yates: Think of creating momentum. Think about like a snowball. Start with something. It really doesn't matter what it is. Don't doubt yourself. Start with whatever you think is the next best thing that you like to do, like to eat, whatever it is. And start seeing, start the snowball effect. Because I believe that ⁓ we start the momentum going, it starts to trickle also into other aspects of our lives. We, when I see this a lot in Pilates, when people start coming to Pilates and taking Pilates sessions, where we require a lot of mind-body connection, I ask a lot of questions, how they feel, how their bodies align, and then initially just come for the exercise. And then they start to travel down the path of being aware, being mindful. So we got the ball rolling with the exercise part, and then it translates into, I stand taller. I'm more assertive. One of the things I talked to my client about, I say, when you go and give your presentations, stand in what I call your Pilates body in perfect alignment and lift your head up, you will command attention in the room instead of standing your crumbled round itself. she tried and he said, ⁓ my God, this is great. And so getting the ball rolling, getting momentum is the key. ⁓

Holly Toscanini: Yeah.

Heike Yates: Let me preface this too. This momentum starting can take years. Don't assume that after you listen to this episode, you hopefully have momentum, but that it may just change overnight. It takes some work to really be honest ⁓ get the ball rolling.

Holly Toscanini: you Yeah. I there is a woman out there listening right now who has either knee pain, hip issues, maybe she's tried strength training and it hurt or she's convinced her body just can't do it, whatever it is anymore. ⁓ What you want to say directly to ⁓ her moving her body?

Heike Yates: Do what doesn't hurt. That's number one. Okay? Stop everything what...

Holly Toscanini: Simple but so powerfully true.

Heike Yates: It is, you don't have to keep plugging away at something that hurts you. Get somebody that teaches you, let's talk exercise, that somebody that teaches you a better way to move. And a lot of us really need to strength train and keep going with strength training, whether it's weights or bands or machines, it doesn't matter, to work on our bone density, I should say, and make sure that our DEXA scans come out really as best as we can, our hip strength and so forth. But it's bottom line, take away what hurts, even if you think, you, which oftentimes what I get is, but somebody said, this is really good for me. If it hurts, it can't be good for you.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah. Right? Simple but true, right? So what is one strength shift, maybe one thing a woman could try this week or even today that tends to make her feel capable again pretty quickly? Just one thing she could maybe start with.

Heike Yates: Yeah. Stand up tall.

Holly Toscanini: Okay.

Heike Yates: Stand up tall is really one thing because as my little story said, you command attention. When you stand tall, you're engaging all the muscles in your body. You have good posture. You feel better in your body when you're standing tall. I know this is so simple, guys, but I swear this is the way to go. Simple baby steps. standing tall. You know, I just recently became a Capital Women's Speaker Club speaker here in Washington, D.C. and I had to go through a two-month training course we had to give our final speeches at the last day in front of a big audience of about 100 people and we're all nervous. ⁓ standing there and then the girls were all, the girls, the women, the girls were all like, okay, do Haika's palazboi, stand up tall, wear your crown, stand there. ⁓ were all so proud and so excited. And you could see the shift in the energy when they stood up, me means you stand up for yourself.

Holly Toscanini: Absolutely. When you do this, you are not afraid to take up space, right? I you are allowing your full presence to be seen and it does give you a lot more confidence, just a deep breath and standing up straight. That's powerful. you know, see here, I was thinking you were going to tell me to do squats or something, but just paying attention to my posture, that's really powerful.

Heike Yates: Yeah, think of the, when we think of the superwoman, her power pose, hands on the hips, legs apart, assertive.

Holly Toscanini: Yes. ⁓ So we've talked a little bit about exercise and movement, but how do you talk to women about nutrition, especially midlife women? I mean, we have seen every diet over the last 40 or 50 years, depending on how long you've been dieting, that come down the road, right? So how do you talk to women in a way that supports their energy and their strength without triggering some of the old diet mentality that so many of us have dragged around from a god, even our 20s?

Heike Yates: I was one of them. When I first started, I had no idea how to lose the baby weight. I had gained with my first born and I did the Scarsdale diet, the cabbage soup diet. I'm like, ⁓ my God, takes you back. And they still exist. They still exist. I always say is do a full overhaul because when I talk to women oftentimes about eating healthy, it's like, what does it actually mean?

Holly Toscanini: you Ugh. Yeah, yeah.

Heike Yates: Most women don't know what healthy eating means. In theory, they understand it, but they don't know how to put a healthy plate together that's beneficial for what they are, where they are, and how to fuel their energy. I always say, when I look at the majority of women, we're not eating enough protein. And so my teaching is always, every meal has protein or protein with every meal.

Holly Toscanini: Okay.

Heike Yates: And this way they start to look for the protein in the breakfast, the lunch, the dinner. And that is a great way to make small micro changes. excuse that I don't know what protein is, Google it. If not, if you're not a meat carnivore eater, you get a lot of vegetarian protein. That's it's easy to find. You get, get a list on Google or chat GPT and off you go. And you have your list and you add it to your shopping list. And then you incorporate protein with every meal as the first step. And why protein? Number one, we under eat it more often than not, or we don't get enough protein in because a lot of protein in is a chore sometimes, but we don't want to start with numbers and grams and all this stuff that gets way too confusing. But protein takes longer to digest. Protein gives us means full longer, if weight loss is a thing you want to do, that will be the way to go. Add more protein. If you lack energy, add protein to your diet. Protein, again, because of its consistency, and enzymes will provide more energy for the body. That would be what I would say. then what happens. And then, ⁓ know,

Holly Toscanini: Yeah. Protein is really important, especially because as we age, we lose muscle mass and we need more protein to kind of help support or counteract that, you know, that and the, and the strength training together, I think are for me, I think those are the two most important things I do to pay attention to my health is just making sure that I'm getting that protein that I'm doing some sort of strength training to support them.

Heike Yates: Yeah. And that's a great combination too. That's very important. Thanks for mentioning that.

Holly Toscanini: sure. So in to the protein and the strength training, what are some habits that you think have a ⁓ genuinely impact and maybe low drama, especially for things that we struggle with, like ⁓ cravings or disruption or stress eating? Because I know there's a lot of women that are navigating all three of those things right now.

Heike Yates: ⁓ my God, go back to protein, eat more protein, you have fewer cravings because you will feel full longer than you said stress. is stress that we create within ourselves ⁓ because anxious? Or is stress that's externally, that's brought on by a job that stresses us out by ⁓ friends that not supportive? So we have to really

Holly Toscanini: Okay. ⁓

Heike Yates: gauge of where the stress is coming from to do some more research. And then what was the other one you mentioned? Sleep.

Holly Toscanini: sleep so many women especially in menopause or perimenopause have disrupted sleep and it's it's a real challenge.

Heike Yates: Sleep, absolutely, of course. Sleep. Some people sleep and some people don't. And we hear mostly about the women that don't sleep. Now, where does the lack of sleep come from? Stress? Overeating late at night? Overexercising at night? So late at night is also a disruptive. And sometimes, ⁓ I I did this just last night. I was up at three o'clock again and so many women are three o'clock twiddling my thumbs and I'm thinking, did everything right. I just woke up. My body felt like it was done sleeping and I know you guys can relate to that. It was just done. And so ⁓ this was a true story. I French toast.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah, absolutely. Hahaha

Heike Yates: I lay in bed and visualized all kinds of different French toasts. French toast is one thing is one of, it's not a guilty food. It's I love French toast and I eat it rarely, but I love it. So I visualized French toast and what it would look like and how pieces and all this kind of stuff. And guess what? I fell asleep.

Holly Toscanini: haha love it.

Heike Yates: So my husband said, tomorrow we're gonna go get French toast. I'm like, yes, please.

Holly Toscanini: We've earned it now.

Heike Yates: Yeah, so sleep disruption is something that is very common. So I don't want to make light of it. And some women really struggle, especially with hot flashes. Maybe need to reach out ⁓ to OBGYN, get some hormone replacement therapy ⁓ and things. But what I find is that keeping my room cool does not work for me. ⁓ I too cold. That's one of those, ⁓ keep it cool and keep it dark.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Right.

Heike Yates: Dark I'm going with, that works for me. But keeping it cold has never worked for me because I'm naturally colder. So you gotta find your balance. But what I find is when I wake up, ⁓ no, let me backtrack a little bit. Before going to bed, get rid of all the stuff that bothers you. Don't watch the news, don't talk about stressful topics, don't have a fight with your significant other a family member. Go to bed with like you, ⁓

Holly Toscanini: Bye!

Heike Yates: Okay, I feel good about myself, everything feels great and go to bed. And when you wake up at night, so the French toast was just one, but normally what I do is, and this is, you may want to try this. I love this. I use a word, let's say hat. And then I try to think of as many words that start with the word H. And then when I run out of H, I go to the next letter, I go to A.

Holly Toscanini: Mm-hmm.

Heike Yates: as many I can come up with in any language with ⁓ letter A and so forth has made a tremendous difference, ⁓ me so focused on something else other than, ⁓ I'm lying around, ⁓ I most of the time fall back asleep. I don't know. You should try it. I'm curious.

Holly Toscanini: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it sounds like you're just trying to keep your sort of monkey mind occupied so your body can get some rest. Yeah, that makes sense. ⁓ do you wish more women, especially women in midlife understood about their metabolisms that would immediately like today reduce any shame they feel about the way their bodies are changing?

Heike Yates: Love your body for God's sakes. Love your body. We don't come all looking like a Twiggy or like a Marilyn Monroe. We have different body types and I want to encourage you not to feel like your body is letting you down. The hormones are changing for some women more than others and different levels and estrogen levels ⁓ the difference in the cortisol output. ⁓ is so different. Look at what your body can do instead of what it can't.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah, that's really good advice. Remembering that your body is your home and it is not your value or your worth, that you don't owe anybody your body looking a certain way. You we're not all built to look the same way. And then our bodies are here to be functional, right? I mean, is the vehicle I am in to live this life. So I want to take care of it, but I'm not gonna try to make my vehicle look like everybody else's. You know, I might've been born.

Heike Yates: Mm-hmm.

Holly Toscanini: Pinto car and somebody else was born a Ferrari but that's just how it is.

Heike Yates: I always wanted to look like my cousin, but not in a million years would I look like her. She has tiny hips, big boobs. She's friggin' gorgeous. would just never look like her. I just, I'm like, I'm a square body.

Holly Toscanini: Right? That's hilarious, but it's true. We have to learn to love what we got and let the rest go. And it's not always easy, especially when you're a young woman and you see many things on Instagram and people who, like you said earlier, that's their job to have that kind of body. If I'm a fitness influencer, my job is my body. ⁓ am not a fitness influencer, so my body is not how I make my living. I don't have to look a certain way. ⁓ for me was hard thing to kind of let go of. as I entered my 40s and 50s that I don't have to look like that. I can look however I look and that's okay. And there are actually people out there that like that.

Heike Yates: Yeah, my client said, she follows me on Instagram, one of my clients, and she says, I love that video when you were on the reformer and you're doing your things and you showed the exercise and you had roles. And I said, yeah, doesn't everybody have roles? And she says, no, because they all sit there, all tall and there's no roles. she's like, you just sat there, you had your roles, but you were doing all the exercises. And I said, yeah, but if I sit up or stand up really tall, I won't have any roles either, but this is real life.

Holly Toscanini: Sure. Yeah, Real life, real bodies. That's what we're about. So love good plan, but when life blows up, I think I do blank out a little bit ⁓ instead of quitting. don't want to quit. ⁓ When life is getting ⁓ I don't want to like I have to abandon everything. ⁓ So do you have plan for when life gets really challenging or ⁓ busy? that allows you to sort of keep up, you talk about momentum, that helps you keep your momentum, and whether it's fitness or nutrition or just mindset.

Heike Yates: think that we need to look at our life or days, let's say days overall, and see what's possible. And then again, instead of doing that our workout, let's use workout as an example, do 10 push-ups on the kitchen counter. 10 while you wait for the coffee to percolate or whatever it is. ⁓ But can incorporate fitness into your day when it gets really busy without losing momentum. And it doesn't have to be a full blown workout you normally would do because that would add more stress to your day. And you can fit in little things like that throughout the day, but look at your schedule. You know what it's like. And maybe you can let go of something on your schedule, delegate things, get rid of stuff. ⁓ don't have to be superhuman and do ⁓ of it.

Holly Toscanini: Yeah.

Heike Yates: And delegation is hard for us because we always feel like we're the only person doing it the way it should be done. But take it off your plate or move it to a different day.

Holly Toscanini: great advice because I know a lot of my listeners are recovering perfectionists. They miss one workout and to them it becomes evidence that they just can't do this. it sounds like the momentum is sort of one mindset shift that you believe actually helps women stop treating a missed day like some kind of moral failure. Are there other suggestions or tips that you have to kind of get past the perfectionism issue and just learn to roll with it?

Heike Yates: Just learn to roll with it. That's easier said than done, isn't it? ⁓ We want to just have everything just right. think if ⁓ really about how much it actually costs us to be a perfectionist, the cost of being a perfectionist, losing connections, ⁓ being out, being overworked, not being able to see the people we love because we are perfectionists in one way or another.

Holly Toscanini: Absolutely.

Heike Yates: There's a cost for all of that. Are you willing to pay the price for that and look back and say, God, I wished back then I had more time for my kids. I do. When I was a single mom, I wished I had more time. But I was so obsessed back then with making more money because I didn't have enough and I didn't get alimony for a long time. And it was making ends meet. But I wished when I look back, I said we would have figured it out somehow. Really look at what's in front of you. Is it really that important to be that perfect, to have the perfect run, to have the perfect meal? Or is it just good enough is just what we need? Good enough is good enough.

Holly Toscanini: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, think waiting is often a stress response, right? Waiting to feel ready enough to feel confident enough for the right circumstances in life. But what actually helps someone start before they feel

Heike Yates: Before you're ready, you know you want to do this. You know it's deep down there. All you need to look at is do you make time? And think I have the time? What if I start when I'm not ready? But what does it even mean I'm ready? You probably decided for yourself, what does it mean? I'm ready to take this class when I lost 10 pounds, when I grew five inches, when I bought new weights, when life is less busy. These are all, let's not call them excuses, but they're explanations of why we're not starting before we're ready. with because all you really need is already within you. You don't need anything extra.

Holly Toscanini: great advice. So what does pursuing your spark look like when you're exhausted and stretched thin and the last thing you feel is inspired?

Heike Yates: You take a rest day. You go on the couch, you grab your book and you put your feet up and you take a recovery day. You do not challenge yourself to do what you have to do, slugging it out. Take a recovery day.

Holly Toscanini: I like it. yourself permission just to rest a little bit, right?

Heike Yates: Yeah, yeah, rest and recovery. We don't want to ever do that because it's not productive, especially when you're perfectionist. So yeah, let's or just decide that you're going for a walk. That's also rest and recovery. Get away from the plan. Get away from what's is supposed to happen and instead do what you like.

Holly Toscanini: Right? I think so many times women think rest is frivolous. It's like we haven't earned it. I'll rest when I'm done checking everything off my list or I'll rest when, you know, that last impossible task is completed. And what we forget is that sometimes you can't complete the tasks until you've had some rest.

Heike Yates: Yeah, absolutely. And that rest is so important in all aspects of life, the mental rest, give yourself a break from all noise around you and just go inward, ⁓ ⁓ if that's what you do. ⁓ love to go for a walk and not have any earbuds in ⁓ do something that's really good for you and you know you enjoy.

Holly Toscanini: Wonderful. This has been so much. Now I just have to make sure that I reread the book because if people are out there wanting to know more about this entire Spark experience, go get the book. We're going to talk more about the book in just a second. But what I'd like to do first, if you are up for it, is just a few quick lightning round questions. Don't think too much. Just off the top of your head, use your brilliance. Are you up for a few of these? All right. All right, let's go.

Heike Yates: All right, I'm pumped up.

Holly Toscanini: Name a belief about midlife women you'd love to retire forever.

Heike Yates: guilt. Stop feeling guilty.

Holly Toscanini: ⁓ right. ⁓ ⁓ habit with the biggest return on our energy that you can think of?

Heike Yates: Eat protein with every meal.

Holly Toscanini: Perfect. right, ⁓ for your ⁓ effective dose, like the least amount you can do workout, a real one for the bad days, what do you recommend?

Heike Yates: 10 squats while waiting for the coffee to be finished.

Holly Toscanini: Great, ⁓ Exactly. Okay, what is one sentence you want women to say to themselves when they feel like they're behind?

Heike Yates: toilet. ⁓ I'm not too late, I am not too old, and I am enough.

Holly Toscanini: Write that down, everybody. Write it down. Okay. How do you make movement feel like self-respect instead of punishment?

Heike Yates: Listen to your body, honor your body. Your body is teaching you more than we oftentimes let it, we like to believe, but listen to your body. It tells you when it needs a rest day, tells you when it needs some TLC.

Holly Toscanini: Amazing. Haike, this conversation was exactly what I was hoping it would be. And I think a lot of women really needed to hear this today. So tell everybody where they can find you. to us ⁓ a little bit about your podcast and your book and where you think it's best for people to start if they're just ⁓ to know you and being introduced to the work that you do.

Heike Yates: You can find me anywhere on social media or on Google, anywhere my first and last name, Heike Yeats, ⁓ ⁓ can also Google or find my book, Pursue Your Spark, at any major book retailers. My book is in soft cover, ⁓ and also audiobook, which I'm very happy about because we love to listen while we do stuff ⁓ women. the way is go to my website. I have a free guide, that's the midlife reset guide that gives three simple steps that you can start touch little bit on nutrition, a little bit on exercise and a little bit on our mindset strategies. Nothing overwhelming, very simple ⁓ to your feet wet if you're curious. And you can find all of those on my website.

Holly Toscanini: Excellent. So Finding Your Spark is the book and the Midlife Reset is the freebie you can get on the website. So my friends, everything I can mention is in the show notes. It's going to be in the comments below on our website. The Pursue Your Spark podcast is everywhere where you can find podcasts. I highly encourage you to go listen to it. If this episode hit something for you, send to one woman you know who really needs to hear it and then head over to Haike's website and check out all the things that she's got there for you. She's out there just waiting for you to show up. And that's exactly what we're here to do is show up. We don't just listen, we actually take action. That's what this podcast is all about. So I am so excited to have met you and to speak to you today and I wish you all the best. Everybody go to the show notes to find out more about Haike and how you can connect with her. Thank you for joining us on How to Lose the Weight. Until next time, we'll see you then.

Heike Yates: Thank you for having me.