TAMFERMABLES TV: Grace be unto all of you with love, joy, peace, prosperity, and longevity from God our Father and from our Lord Jesus Christ. And welcome once again to the Good News Reporters podcast. Yes, with me, Dr. Furman. And today, I have a confession to make. ⁓ that's what I said. I have a confession to make. No, I'm not Catholic, but I learned from the Catholics. You know, that's a good thing. I have a confession to make. But before we go there, just hold on. I'm going to get to that confession because I want to make it because there's a whole lot of confessions in that confession. Stay with me for a minute. I got to read some scripture. And this is from Jude. You hear Jude come up more often, ⁓ no matter what I talk about, because this is important. is all scripture is important. ⁓ But these speak evil of those things which they know not. but what they know naturally as brute beast. And those things, corrupt themselves. Now. I was corrupt. Yeah. And that's why I have a confession to me. But I want to tell you just a little bit of the after before I tell you the before. Stay with me. But first, let's say this here. Before we step over all these bodies, yeah, dead bodies, yeah, we still in the grieving zone, right? Stay with me. I forgot to mention though that this is our series, the seven years of in-laws, the second episode, like I said, the title, I have a confession to make. Like as the Bible says, now we know all things work together for the good to those that love God and to those who are the called according to his purpose as Romans 828. So now say all things. I'm gonna get to those things in a minute. I want to talk about how I work together. But let me talk about the after. Well, after Christ. After, you know, Christ got a hold of my life. And then I'm to talk about those things before. Yeah. Yeah, my confession involved women. Yeah, that's right. That's what I said. And. This is the after. After coming home from prison, I met plenty of people, especially throughout the church house. as a servant in the communities of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Yeah, drug and alcohol counseling, mental health and things of that nature. God had established me pretty good in that area. I didn't work for money. Mine was volunteerism. I loved to serve people. I loved to talk, especially when they listened. throughout that time, I met these three young ladies and all three of them, they had some kind of respect for me and I'm gonna tell you, all three of them, when I cried and looked, started looking for a wife, when I started looking for a wife, I told each one of those women that I was looking for a wife. They started looking for me a wife. One of them eventually, you know, wanted to slay me. The other one thought that maybe I was looking for some kind of a light-skinned person. Yeah, well, I don't know. Or they began to look for me, a wife that would fit me. But early on, there was one just like 2002, I'm two years out. that told me about my wife, the one that I married, Tameka. In 2002, I didn't marry Tameka till 16. So she told me about Tameka back then because people thought, you know, some young men, was that sad, same thing. You should have a good wife, so. But I wanted to tell you about that, that those three women. Afterwards, you know, they probably thought, ⁓ I've heard, you know, they expressed that. They should have just been seeking me for themselves. But that's the after coming home and doing what God would ask me to do, and that is, hmm, respect women. And you breathe in, because we're to go back ⁓ all those things that before. There goes some of my confession. Yes, indeed. So now, back then when I was carrying that guitar and after... My daddy killed my brother. Yeah, I didn't even know what gr- I just started growing dreadlocks, turned off the lights and didn't want to be bothered by no one outside of my educational environment. That's I was going to school for, stay in school. Still taking courses right now in school. But nevertheless. I had a lot of women that were supporting me back then. I mean, you know, we're kind of back old school. This is like eighties, early eighties, right? We even had a little fan club. So you know what went on with that? Yeah, a whole lot of women that was very supportive. I remember one day someone called here, and you know, I don't have many people, and me and my wife's business calling here, but you know, she have a lot of friends and associates, but one of them was curious. Nice lady, you know, but she just caught me at the wrong time, you know, and, but I owe her no apology, but she say she listens in. Here's the explanation. Yeah, women always have respect for them. My older sister taught me very well. But nevertheless, all those women dealing with, you know, when you get into the book, there's names, I ain't got no numbers and all that stuff, but I'm just saying, yeah, all that stuff would be inside of there. That's all those things. But I want to get to this point. When you go to prison, all you young people that decide you want to do those things that may lead you there, People will forget about you. I mean, forget about, stand there too long and see who's going to be there when you get back. Man, I didn't get a biscuit. I didn't get a homemade meal. Welcome home, where that come from? Who wrote that in the book? I don't know what that means. No, I'm just saying. So now, they forget about you, your family. your friends, all those women that were so very supportive, almost at Bay, listen, they were serving like that because they believed in a musician like that. Why believe in a man? That's what I was then, more like a dog. I wasn't all that doggish. I just had a lot of women around. So now when it came down to Coming home, we were there. ⁓ yeah, it was some around barking. Wanting that fresh stuff like that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So now. before leaving prison, the devil. He reminds me that when you get out there, you know it's about 14, 12, 10, whatever the number. That's how many the ratio was like 10 to 12 women to one man. I'm fresh in society. Raise the bug on. In the church house, ooh man. But it wasn't that kind of party. Never that kind of party. Not the after. But in the before, they deserted me. Nobody wrote me a letter. Nobody sent me no comments every morning. They forget about you. But I come to this point to talk about another grieving situation. Because out of all those women, one of them remembered her friend who was locked up. She stayed in touch from time to time. No one that kind of friend. She was my sister and her mother was one of my mothers. Mother Rose. Mother Rose. So now when Mother Rose passed away, was on, I almost got home before she passed away. I almost made it home. to see Mother Rose. Now, they wrote me, Mother Rose and ⁓ Sister Lynette. ⁓ yeah, my friend. Yeah. But what I'm saying is this, they remembered me. And like six months, they contacted. the system. and when I arrived home. They were there. Lynette was there. Her brother Harry was there. Her son was there. Her daughter was there. They were pretty much Indian nephews and nieces. You know, that was pretty much a family that I met in the street. I tell you about my family, Lord. But nevertheless, when I finished playing music, needed somewhere to recuperate. I needed somewhere to just get away from all musicians and all kinds of nonsense and everything. So they stuck me away in their home. I ain't had to be bothered. They made sure I ate. They made sure I had my marijuana. And if I wanted something to drink, but you know what they told me to do when I was there? Pick up that guitar and work. don't have to be associated with bands anymore. You don't have to be associated with all that sin that balled with that music. I was running from it. I became a coward of that type of sin. Lord have mercy. I was a coward. I ran from that sin. I ain't run far enough though, but nevertheless. ⁓ But when I got home, you know, now I'm in a halfway house, but every morning, Lynette came to pick me up in the Mercedes Benz and of course the guy's like, ⁓ man, who's that ever? Hey listen man, come on, stop that. But she was. making a way for me to get out the halfway house by taking me to her place of employment, her beauty shop or salon or whatever it was, to say that I was employed. Yeah, she paid me a couple dollars to, you know, sweep and stuff like that, but the freedom that came to leave out that halfway house, that she knew about it because her children, her father went through the prison system in Philadelphia. So the compassion that they showed me and things of that nature. So I was able to get out, but the thing that ⁓ did. She did not tell me that she was dying. There it is. As a matter of fact, I met her at a funeral. ⁓ let me go there. When I met them at the funeral at my brother's funeral, who blew his brains out after the Vietnam experience, he never got it together. But nevertheless, he blew his brains out. He's talking about grieving. So now he blew his brains out. And So the funeral, I meet Lynette and they crowded in the car. This is before, you know, all that law and the car is packed. But I wanted to get in that car with Lynette and Mother Rose because they had that spirit. I needed some of that. I needed some of that love they had. So Mother Rose said, okay, come, come baby, just sit on my lap. And the car, it was no big car. Kind of sports kind of car. But Mother Rose said, come on, don't say we're only going around the corner. Come on, baby. I needed that love, man, I tell you. So when it was time for me to come home, she would pick me up. And one of the things, some of the things, couple of things that she brought to the table. One of them was, you know, she drove me. She took me in that Mercedes Benz every morning. to a different part of North Philadelphia. And she called me firm skins. Firm skins, you're going to be ministering in this area, minister all through North Philly. I didn't know what she was talking about. She was dying, but she didn't tell me. She was dying from cancer. But she told me that her family was stuck in their grieving. Now, like I say, she was communicating with me, so she knew what I was studying. She told me that her family was stuck in grieving, and she wanted some help. So of course, I knew the family. They were like my family. The only one really wasn't there was Mother Rose. You know, so I was able to do that. And her and I, we had an opportunity to do some things. We came up with some strategies, some suggestions and things on how to minister to her family that I had been away from for 10 years. So her street family, they the one who welcomed me home for real. And, ⁓ But being in there and just closed off and just playing music, just getting away from the band and the band members and the family and everybody. So grieving, that was almost like my first assignment with my friend who knew of the work that I was doing or what I was studying at the time. So. when it comes down to... ⁓ What I supposed to do as a man, I met a lot of me too women. I didn't have no women around me since I've been home like that. When I got married, yeah, I'm not with that. And even one of those young ladies who was helping to look for, yeah, she had to realize and understand, no, I'm not just a, I'm not a piece of flesh. I'm not just a. A man who wants to know that was that member that was before. So I had to let her know, no, I'm a man of God. And to many of them, I had to tell them the same thing. So what they were used to it. They were used to weak men. Don't put me in there. Don't try it. And all of them that tried, oh, they understand it now. But it was okay because they just didn't know any better. But you know better now. There's men and there's men of God. and then you can put the rest on where you want to. And no matter what mark you put on me, I know who I am in Christ Jesus. Now, to get back to my confessing. So now after getting home, Lynette, like I said, she took me around to different places in North Philadelphia, you know, took me out to a nice breakfast to some of the... They were still a couple of them still exist ⁓ in North Philly. Mom and Pop restaurant little, she took me to a couple spots where they were still serving them hot grits. Homemade in that kitchen. But nevertheless, that's where we ate bread for that type of things like that. But she would drive me throughout North Philly. I didn't understand what she was saying. Before she passed away, I was working, serving in the community, but they were coming from West Philly, South Philly, you know, such thing as East Philly, but the Northeast, I don't know if any of came from there, but God had planted me in a place to serve all those people. Yeah, she called me. and how I die. And she says firm skins. And then yeah, there was no more voice on the phone. Did she pass then? I don't know. Did I make it to the funeral? No. But! Then the devil came, another woman called to the halfway house. A familiar person I thought was my friend. She had tricks up her sleeve. Now, the before, the before, my nieces and nephews knew that I was the come-to-uncle for the truth. Let me repeat that. I don't know if I was the favorite, but I was the come-to-uncle for the truth. Anytime them children want to hear some truth, go ask Uncle Fermin. They were still doing it till up to the last, what, maybe five years ago, the last one getting out of jail, somebody sent him away. He come like a thug. He come to talk about he a murderer. He wants some money. I don't know, Storch. I don't know. Kids are crazy sometimes. Just like I used to be when I was June bugged. I'm one of that dangers, though. I don't play that. No, no. But nevertheless, get back to when the devil showed up. No, ain't no devil, no blue dress. That devil showed up. But she used her daughter, one of my nieces, to lure me in. And I wrote her email and told her, I'm going to tell the truth. Because that ball needed me. She hurt me. Oh, men don't get hurt? Really? Real men feel pain. I don't know what tough men do. But I'm learning to express my emotions and deal with them. Like the day I feel centered, paranoid, but like I'm using my paranoid energy to communicate and kind of, you know, channel it over, you know. But I still have paranoia right now. That's what I feel. ⁓ joy, man. Listen to me. I tell you, that's probably every time I got the joy of the Lord. That's my strength. I'm always had that. I can always express that. Anger. Do I feel anger today? No, not really. And that's one of my specialties. Because sometimes you ever heard of righteous indignation? Look it up. If you never heard of it. Well, you can call it anger if you like. But there's two different words, righteous indignation. Righteous indignation. Look it up. Or do a search, ⁓ anger versus righteous indignation. Try that. Because it's not always anger that I have. I have righteous indignation. And those are some of my feelings that I do my best to stay in tune with these days. because I've learned they are strength, they are power, they are energy that could be used for the good instead of me using them in a negative. Like I say, by myself, like in here, nobody's bothering me. You know, if I was outside somewhere, it might be a different story. In the market, it might be a different story. You know, sometimes I just don't feel right being around people, you know, stuff like that. So... You know, because sometimes I'm paranoid behind, you know, I don't trust people. No, I don't. You ever been to prison? You understand it then. But nevertheless, you learn not to trust people. I've learned to trust the God in people and that should show. We should know them by their fruit. It should show. So, yeah, trusting people like that and stuff. ⁓ But when the devil came, like I said, they used their... Just stay with me. Just follow me. We're gonna be good. And when I left home, I think she was like eight years old. And... just put that together. She didn't know me. Her mother put, you should get to know your uncle. You should get to know your uncle for him. Yes, she's a very exciting young lady. ⁓ man, beautiful stuff like that. And I genuinely believe she wanted to meet her uncle. You know, I really do. And she needed some, she needed some fatherly love like most of my nieces and nephews and they knew that they could get it from me. I serve discipline too. That's love. Some of the best kind of love, discipline. I remember I was working for the youth ministry. Some of them father's children, they were like, man, I need some discipline. Sitting around in a group with them children, they were like, we need some discipline. Really? ⁓ know, mischievous little kids. Listen, they had some ankle drug, radio angles, never mind, let's go. But back to my niece. When they called, they invited me up for breakfast. And I'm hungry. And then I don't mind, I need to get out. And know, out of the halfway house, a day out was always a plus. You know, but it was so many traps and sneers and things of that nature. you know, I was a pretty gullible one. And I was pretty stupid in the ways of society. I was away for 10 years and, you know, I knew the Bible. Man, I used to be slick in society. Man, it was like I dropped my books out of good just saying, I'm my lesson. I lost all that. Society had got by me those that one decade, man. People was, I was easy prey. Me, not today. I don't play that. But when I came home, man, they was trying to knock my head loose with all kinds of stuff. So now she invites me up. for dinner. Now, hey, I should have said this in the beginning. Like I said, this stuff, I told Tameka, hey, ladies, you won't hear this stuff until it's in the book. She's okay with that. She rather read and she loves to read. She might be back there in office right next door. She might be in there listening. I don't know, but it doesn't make a difference. She's gonna get this truth because this is something we're dealing with and especially my feelings. Yeah, I'm dealing with my... feelings, I'm judging my own feelings and what I went through and what me dealing with people. I have some feelings about my niece and my mother. I have some feelings about that. And like I say, when the book come, you can read about that one. It's some real juicy stuff in that story. truth. And like I told her, I'm going to tell my truth. Took advantage of me. But if the shoe was on the other foot. Click, I was conned with money. I was conned with time. I was conned with a con, ex-con, getting conned. Told you, I couldn't get conned in prison. But these people out here in society, know, prisoners, a lot of them work to straighten out their life. A lot of them work to straighten out their life. So. coming on society where people hadn't worked on any of the issues, no therapy, ⁓ lack of God, whole lot of church. I heard one young lady say, she don't even know why she go to church. I don't know. But nevertheless, people are people. But I was so retarded, that's my word. I used it since I was a child. That's what they gave me as a child because I was retarded. I was slow. That's what the word was then. And for me, I am slow in certain areas and that is the word for me today. My wife don't like me using the word. My daughter, she chuckles at it. I'm talking about my daughter, Nani. She chuckles at it because I know who I am. I'm slow in certain things. I accept my weaknesses. I accept my slowness in especially these ways of society. I don't want to learn that stuff. I'd rather stay in the pages of the book. Yeah. But nevertheless, so that was one of them that, yeah. So, and there's a lot of grieving in just that part that I had to deal with. I didn't deal with the issues inside of grieving. Those are the things that I'm gonna deal with when it comes down to that book. I have to express this stuff. I have to get it. I was like good therapy. Like they say in the Middle East, physician heal thyself. That was a good word they used to use on the mountain or I call it mountain in prison house. You you had to work on oneself and that's what I'm doing today. I am working on me. I am laying down my life. You know, like I said, Tamika never heard none of this stuff. the people that I'm talking about. I told you, it ain't gonna protect the guilty, especially when they know who they are. You get that? Did you get that? I'm judging how I felt since I've been home from prison. Why am I doing it now? Because I'm finally in a comfortable place to be able to do it. I am in a place where even my wife, she's comfortable with me doing it. I don't want to disrespect or hurt her in any way with these things that come forward. So we agreed about these things that I must confess. ⁓ you hear me say I did something? I'm confessing my feelings about how people treated me during my time of coming home from prison until now. Introspectively investigating myself. I'm examining myself at the same time as the King David. I am encouraging myself in the Lord. Do I need some healing you darn tootin? That's just one person who took advantage of me. In many ways, they took advantage. But when you see good coming, watch out, the devil right behind that good. That's my experience, mine, mine. I'm just sharing it. I'm just sharing it. When you have eyes to see, I learned these things. But when it comes down to dealing with different areas now, just think. In this one episode, I talked about, and I skipped over and stepped over several kinds of death, people dying. But when I came home, That young lady put death to gain in my strength. She put death to me trusting people. She put death to me trusting. my own decisions But I'm not blaming her like I said I was vulnerable all I knew was that Bible when I came off that mountain And that's all I wanted to know they took advantage But I told them I'm gonna tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Yeah, the names have been changed, but it does not protect the guilty. So hopefully you'll be back. I got some more confession to do. Yeah. But boom, of course I get the blame for everything. Nah, nah, I shouldn't wake up in the morning and my wife feel some kind of way. Nah, nah. But if you do listen, listen, I'm gonna tell this truth, man. I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers or anything, but I need my healing and anybody who may have a scar, emotional, financial, mental. I'm just talking about it. I still love you. Like I say, I lay down my life for my brother and so that means love. That's the greatest love a person can do. Man, I love you. So I'm just speaking. I'm just talking. I love to talk. And I want to talk about what I'm going through and in hopes that it may grab a hold of somebody else. Like I said, if one person gets one thing, Out of one of the things I've said, I've done what the Lord has asked me to do. Now, for the one who called here and wanted to know about that part without the gossip, and if you have any questions, yeah, you know I'm talking about you. But I believe that you're beautiful. I do respect you. But I owe you no apology. And I, you know, respect you're going to get there for me. Yes. But you need to know when two people are married, mind your own business. Yeah, you can care about this person or that person, all the affection and all that, and you're concerned about their well-being. I'm a man of God. Do you understand now? Now stay in your own lane. Hey, listen, we'll be back the next time with episode three of ⁓ the seven years of in-laws. And yeah, I got a lot of confession to do, man. Listen, I'm gonna get this stuff out of me. But like I say, wait for the book. Go a little deep into some of them details. of what actually happened and how I had to experience certain things to get to this point, to be able to express some of my hurt, some of my pain, some of my disappointments, some of my disgusting, being disgusted with people, being, you know, it's the list. It's a whole list of things, a whole lot of emotions. I can't name them all. That's why I'm going through them so I can understand how I've been hurt and what I've been through. What did I lose? Some people say I lost my mind, not again. Well, in all actuality, I did lose my mind. Now, I have the mind of Christ Jesus, but I still got these things to confess that are up in me. So come on back next time. We'll talk some more. ⁓ those five. Oh, the steps of the grieving process. Oh, we're going to get there, but we're going to enjoy some of these. Hey, listen, I'm laying it down. My life. So, yeah, we're going to get to them in five steps, but we're going to find out how we get there and understand that, yeah, some people understand the value of it and some people don't. And with Cicely Annette, and the family, Mother Rose, God bless her soul. They understood. They accepted. Because a minister is a minister. And sometimes you get the wrong minister. How long you been going to church? You ever tell you about any of this stuff or you glanced over it when somebody passed away? Glanced over it while you were boohooing? Yeah, I understand. But we need to learn about grieving. It is hurting our society. It is hurting our family. And I'm trying to tell you it's hurting you. Let's do something about it. We'll be back the next time. ⁓ we're going to break down those five steps. Nah, let's do it the next time. We already passed some time. God bless you. The prop tells us what they'll say if the Lord even knows where to go