speaker-0: Hello darling. So excited to be here with you. Me too. We have had just the most magical weekend together. Two nights on the Gold Coast, ocean views, so much sun time, hence we are, I am a little red. Kez is like literally, I'm just saying golden, bronzed goddess, but so grateful for you. And to be here.

Kez Stuk: We also have some big and exciting news to share with you guys that we are hosting an international retreat together, which we are so excited about. You'll hear the details in the episode. Spaces are limited to 12 beautiful women. We already have four places taken, but we've opened up a wait list, which is in the show notes and linked in both of our Instagram bios. Welcome to the Inbetween podcast, the space where the magic happens. I'm Kez, a former corporate lawyer turned holistic health, life, business and intuitive coach. Through my own journey of traversing many inbetweens, I created this podcast to share the tools, modalities and learnings that have transformed my life. Here we explore the spaces that exist between who we've been and who we're becoming through real, raw and expansive conversations with wellness professionals, entrepreneurs, Hello, beautiful souls and welcome to the Wildfire series, a collaboration between myself and Maddie from Blooming Within. Where we go behind the scenes on what we've both been navigating, what's been on our hearts, diving deep into the taboo, the shadow, the vulnerable topics, as well as the collective themes we are experiencing and the practical tools to move through the season of life you're in. Thank you so much for being here. It's truly an honor to walk this journey with you. If something resonated today, I'd love to hear from you. Your reflections and stories mean more than you know. Until next time, remember, the magic isn't in the final destination. It's right here in the in-between.

speaker-1: So grateful for you. It's been a wild weekend of synchronicities, test initiations, but then I feel like we've been able to create such safety between us that it's enabled us to actually move through so many of these tests and respond differently to situations where we may not have responded that way previously so we can shift the patterns in the external.

Kez Stuk: which we have no doubt is change as collectively we are experiencing rapid, rapid change. I wanted to share a bit about the inspiration behind this series. really that is every time that Maddie and I sit together, we get sucked into what feels like this vortex where time and space collapses and we speak for hours. You know, there's been times where it's been a six hour window where we completely forget to eat and the light If you feel called to join us, pop your name on the waitlist and we'll be in touch shortly with further details. I am so excited by this series and I cannot wait to hear how it all feels for you. Sending so much love and let's dive into the wildfire. visionaries and everyday humans walking the path of awakening. Together we share transformational stories, insights and tools that activate healing, expansion and soul alignment. This is your portal to the in-between. Are you ready to step through?

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: Yeah, it's been wild what's come through and just a reminder of that safety you need to actually move through a lot of the harder darker things.

Kez Stuk: has gone outside and we realize it's actually 8 p.m. and it's dinner time. And in these spaces, we talk about life, philosophy, spirituality, psychology, all of the juicy topics that light both of us up more than anything. We've experienced such resonance and healing in these spaces together that we wanted to share this rawness, the vulnerability and the lessons we've both learned with our beautiful communities.

speaker-0: I love that we're going there straight away. Let's hit pause on that. And before we dive into patterns, repatterning, all of that, we have some really exciting news. We have some? If you are listening to this, watching this, however it is connecting with you, Kaz and I, do we say it together? We're going to We're going to ****, baby. We're going to

Kez Stuk: There's something about delving into the depths of our humanness that is so healing and impactful that we really wanted to bring it to you all. We are both such incredibly multi-passionate beings who, as you'll hear, go here, there, and everywhere. So we really invite you to please, please reach out to us and share with us if there's any specific themes or topics you'd like us to delve into further. Process is explained. We really hope

speaker-0: we are literally co-creating a retreat together and we couldn't be more excited. Should we actually talk about... if you're listening to this podcast there's also going to be pivots and plot twists and you're to have to keep up with the pace. But do we talk about that and then let's circle back to the patterns, the tests, the repatterning. So let's talk about how this actually came about.

speaker-1: MJ Energy 100%.

Kez Stuk: that we've closed all of the open tabs that we speak to, but if not, we'd love to hear where you'd like us to take these series. The inspiration behind the name is that Maddie is a fire sign. She's a Sagittarius, an incredibly passionate soul with so much depth. Fire planets in Scorpio and this mixed with the spark and fun of a Sagittarius blends so synchronistically and beautifully with my essence too, which is an air sign.

speaker-0: Do we go back to how we even connected in our journey together?

speaker-1: That is so beautiful. Yes. Okay. I'm actually going to take this. So my last few years has been wild. Like the most beautiful ride of my life. I finally feel like this is who I am and unapologetically being myself. And that has taken, it's a journey of a lifetime to actually be who you truly are. It's the most beautiful gift.

speaker-0: Peace.

Kez Stuk: as an Aquarius who loves to speak about all things metaphysical, psychological, spiritual, as well as with my Aries moon, which is extremely passionate, driven and excitable, and my Scorpio North node, which is all about depths, delving into the taboo, delving into the mysteries of life. And so together, my air strokes Maddie's fire, oxygenates, exemplifies it, and together we make wildfire.

speaker-1: And so I was a corporate lawyer. I left the law and journeyed through my own in-between and in meditation, the name, the in-between. Every body of work that I'm creating and have created came from that meditative state where spirit dropped in and gave me the blueprint of my business, essentially. And on that journey, I started realizing how many people were out there.

Kez Stuk: where we reclaim our wild feminine essence and bring light to the shadows and depths of what it means to be human.

speaker-1: doing similar things in different manifestations and ways. And it's almost like when you put your antenna up, it's the RAS, the Reticular Activating System, which we'll go into shortly, all the neuroscience in the brain. It's like you put your antenna up and you're like, this is who I am and let life show me. And life shows you that reflection of what you're energetically putting out. And I saw you doing events, similar events. up in Brisbane and the Gold Coast and I just, there was something about you I think it was a lot of things but one of the things I probably was picking up was your labour rising energy, your Venusian energy and as a tourist rising also Venusian coded myself I think the beauty, I witnessed the beauty and the depth and transformation which is such a huge part of who you are all in one and I was witnessing myself doing really similar things and I think I reached out to you and just said, really love what you're doing. It's really inspiring. I actually don't remember the series of events after that. But I just remember being like, I know we're gonna meet in person. Like it was a strong knowing, because the other thing was you lived in Brisbane on that coast. And I don't know a lot of people if they know it, but I did because Chris, my husband, he plays

speaker-0: me either.

speaker-1: pickleball tournaments there all the time. So was like, ⁓ I know I'll be in Brisbane. I know I'll meet you. But I think maybe in your head, you're like, ⁓ she's in Melbourne. I don't know if we'll connect.

speaker-0: Yeah, I don't know if I thought about it too much to be honest, but I felt connected to you for sure when you reach out and say I'm looking at your page, you just get this feeling. And I think we did speak about meeting potentially because you were like, Chris is potentially going to do a tournament up there. Let's just stay in comms and just see if we cross paths. And then... you messaged me and you were like, hey, what are you doing? These are the dates that I'm up. And I was actually doing my first ever solo event on the Sunshine Coast. And you were on the Sunshine Coast? Crazy. And so Kez and I met for the first time at my first solo event on the Sunshine Coast at House of Alchemy. And then I've just had such a beautiful, flowy, divine journey because then from there we just knew we were going to do an event together. We knew it was going to be at that same place. And so we did an event and then we did a retreat. then was it after or before we did the retreat that we were we're definitely doing a bigger retreat because it was a day retreat. Can you remember?

speaker-1: like. I can't remember the particulars, but it was just this knowing of there's something really, really strong here. And I think that's a theme with both of us. We get these really strong knowings. I'm going to be there. I'm going to do that. And then we make it happen. I'm going to leave you with the part because that was pretty much

speaker-0: So we were talking, yeah, who knows how it actually evolved, but we started getting in conversation, we have to do a retreat. And I, on my vision board have had this location in for over 12 months when one of my good friends sent it to me. I fully had knowing that I was gonna do a retreat there, no idea how it would evolve like on so many levels, I think. Logistically, financially, I've never done my own retreat. There's just so much involved in you planning it yourself, you know, people's visas, there's a lot of layers and doing your first one overseas is a really bold thing to do, right? But I knew that I'd do a retreat there and I remember being like, really having to feel in is this the retreat that we are going to do together and then we were talking, we were looking actually at Sedona.

speaker-1: Yep.

speaker-0: in the US. So we were feeling into that and then it was just a no, nothing was landing and then I pulled out the card and you were a full body yet.

speaker-1: Even circling back one step before that, about six months prior I had saved that location on my phone. The exact same retreat location I sent it to you. was like, is it this? And you said that's the place that I've been on my vision board.

speaker-0: So on my vision board, we're both fully in full body yes for both of us is just a soul place. yeah, it's been actually let's talk about the divine timing because initially we're like, it's meant to be 2026. There was one date left and we thought we were going to get it and then we didn't. And it was such a blessing, a momentary let down. And then we just pivoted straight away and we're like, no, this is meant to be on a different timeline in 2027.

speaker-1: Yeah, and I think what happened was there was time where we didn't hear back from the venue for weeks on end and we were both in our own unknowns. There was a lot of uncertainty. We were both navigating separately and we both said to each other, it'll all make sense. We're going to trust that if it's not here, we'll be guided to the location, the space that we need to bring our gifts and bring community together in that location. So we said. We completely surrendered to the experience and letting life guide us and take us where we needed to go. And what came through so strongly was when those dates were taken,

speaker-0: We almost tried to force for a hot minute. We were like, well, we'll look at other places and see if we can do the same date. And I think we did that both for 24 hours and we were like, no.

speaker-1: It was a no because these places wildly replied straight away and I wasn't excited. It was this feeling in my body of like, it's not it.

speaker-0: And it's like forcing it out of ego, right? As opposed to again, allowing and divine timing and to be in co-creation of trusting that what is meant to unfold will unfold and you don't need to always force. That's something I can catch myself in. I don't know about you. I'm like, no, but I this. So I'm gonna like make it happen instead of just breathing for a second and allowing.

speaker-1: Allowing absolutely that's been coming through so strongly just allowing life to show you and so after that Happened it was the disappointment actually showed me how much I wanted it So it was a beautiful actually reminder of this is the place. This is the time. This is the location This is a space. This is what we're co-creating and we will allow the timing to show us yeah, and with so many things shifting in both of our lives during that time, it wouldn't have been right to lock that in. So the revised timeline is **** 2027 and I feel so good about that. It just feels so right and this retreat is so expansive. just, I'm so excited to bring these women together.

speaker-0: same.

speaker-1: and just remind everyone who the fuck they are. And how powerful we are as women, as individuals, as people, how unified we all are in our experiences. And how one of the biggest takeaways for me in working with people this year and in group spaces is just how alone we can feel in our experiences. And when we connect together, we realise how human we are and that others are having the exact same experiences that we're having. for whatever reason, there's shame and there's layers that we feel we can't actually share what we're going through. And once we break down that shame and those layers, we integrate and become whole and show how human we are and that others are having the same experience and you can bond in that. Yeah.

speaker-0: speaking definitely about this morning probably just from our experience over the weekend largely but when you're in your darkness whether that's you're experiencing depression or anxiety or shame or you're really in a state where you've been triggered and the trauma or the activation is really present the thing that we tend to do is to isolate and to retreat and to internalize that experience and maybe even feed into the narrative of I'm not good enough, I'm too much, there's something wrong with me, it's something along the lines of really making it mean something about you and exactly then circling back to what you're saying the beauty of connection, the beauty of community, the beauty of finding your people really is when there is safety to share your experience. and the darkness and be held in light. And that is what creates this ability to transform wounding and trauma and have this experience of feeling seen by another and understood and heard. And yeah, we've really had that experience consistently this weekend, I feel with not only Kaz and I, but some of our beautiful dear friends as well. There's magic in that and absolutely that is the power of retreats. I know every time I'm on retreat or supporting or any of that, I see that so much, the safety, the feeling seen, the feeling understood being held in your darkness while there's light around you. And I don't know, the location just to also re-highlight is just... pure light expansion energy as well. It's just literally magic. It's I'm so- energy. Reminding how powerful you are. Yeah, like very much remembering the fuck- not English-ing, very much remembering who the fuck you are energy. And how powerful we are. How powerful your ability to expand and hold more capacity at all of the things. I'm just thinking we have so many things that we want to talk about today.

speaker-1: who we are.

speaker-0: Do we circle back to what you were speaking about at the start?

speaker-1: Yeah, I think so. One thing I just want to highlight as well is because this space is so beautiful, it's also the beauty which

speaker-0: So full circle moment to what you noticed initially why we connected is beauty.

speaker-1: So right. Yeah, and it's finding beauty in the darkness, which is alchemical. Yeah the alchemy that you can experience and Being I think both of us have experienced the power of environment ⁓ yeah, and how how transform how transformative like energetically you can feel the environment particularly as sensitive beings Which we both are but and I know a lot of our listeners are as well Energetically you can feel that and so being in this expansive space where everything is beautiful The food is nourishing for the body and yoga by the water. It's just all the elements of expansion and what that creates. It's reminding you of your highest timeline. And once you create that safety with the women in the group on retreat, lifelong friends and everything that we'll do in this space, you can always tap into that energy and that state of consciousness in your mind to always circle back to that.

speaker-0: Let's layer things into this because this is sparking something for me in terms of just what I was telling you this morning. I was listening to a song that always comes up on retreats for me. That's the main place that I hear it. And every time that it comes on, I'm in such deep gratitude that it literally makes me cry. Such gratitude for... Being able to be in an experience like that, witnessing women move through all of these different layers and transforming and co-regulating with one another, it's just, the song is magic. And it taps me back into that heart-centered gratitude. I'm walking along the beach this morning crying and... I'm just remembering and thinking even I know when we did a day retreat when you layer in so yes it's the environment, yes it's having the experience but you can actually layer things in like scent which we use would give shout out to Beautiful.

speaker-1: sounds rituals.

speaker-0: Yeah, people messaging us being like, know, every time I use the scent or every time I hear a song that you've played or whatever, it reactivates that level of consciousness and that emotional state. So it's like, yes, we need something to unlock that within us, whatever that is, if that's coming on retreat, if that's creating your own retreat at home, if it's literally going and boogieing at a nightclub and getting into that energy, whatever it is for you, there's no right or wrong way to go about it. But the beauty of... experiences and environments where you can access a new state of consciousness, a new emotional frequency. I feel like we can talk about this really spiritually or you can get a bit more grounded with neuroscience and what that what's actually happening but essentially changing your autopilot frequency by continuing to go back there every time we continue to go back there instead of maybe always dipping into maybe a state of anxiety whatever your core emotional states that you operate on it starts to shift that and you start to lack of a better word, raise your vibration. Your operating, your autopilot state and your nervous system is a different frequency.

speaker-1: And we need pattern interrupt and circuit breakers to actually change that frequency and to tap into that elevator.

speaker-0: Yes. Safe spaces, safe spaces, which is yeah what you were saying with just even I feel like environment alone when again that's because we're so Venusian-coded this isn't for everyone but when there's beauty in spaces that creates another layer of safety for me personally. too. For sure.

speaker-1: I feel safe in beautiful places. But equally, 100 % but equally sitting on the ocean, sitting on a picnic rug by the ocean with dinner the other night, that's beauty to me. It's so simple. It's whatever that is for you. And for some people, we spoke about this, it's nature. Being amongst green is so grounding and calming. whatever that state is for you.

speaker-0: We feel held in beauty. This could literally be being in a dark, cozy room.

speaker-1: Yeah, in bed with an inner cocoon in your heated blanket or having a shower with the lights off and just letting the water wash away what needs to shed from you. It can be anything but whatever those states of pure safety are. tapping into that when you're triggered or when you're in a heightened state to have that pattern interrupt and know that life is not scary and chaotic as much as it can be, but it's all about changing that state and going to that safe space so that you can expand into that and change your neural pathways.

speaker-0: literally the basis and the precipice of actually creating change is that pause the safety and then moving differently, which definitely cycles us back to what we were speaking about at the beginning in terms of witnessing patterns within yourself and your life and knowing how to move differently. knowing how to move differently. I think I really experienced that this weekend and I had you and another friend reflect back to me to move differently and I needed that. I'm so grateful. Should I share? ⁓

speaker-1: I think so. It's really, really powerful. Yeah.

speaker-0: So over six years ago, I saw this guy very short term, think in all honesty, maybe one or two. I've never really been a casual relationship person. I've had longer term partners and it was like one of maybe literally two people that I've casually dated in my life over a couple of months. And... Long story short, it's also the only relationship that I've personally been in where I experienced a lot of gaslighting and manipulation, reality distortion. In terms of romantically, it's a familiar energy from my childhood, but romantically that was so abundantly clear. So it was fine at the start, you first couple of months, and then it was so evident to me. And I knew with absolute certainty, I was like, I need to shift this. Did a lot of healing while I was in the experience, did a lot of healing post the experience to integrate. And yeah, that's a whole nother podcast episode in itself. But the beautiful thing, the light at the end of the tunnel is that probably three to six months later, I met my now partner who I've been with for five years and he's just the opposite of what that experience was like. In saying that this guy who I was with for a very short period of time, every six, 12, 18 months will circle back into my life and message me. And I have blocked him on my personal social media, my business social media, the phone number. And it got to the point where I was just thinking that it was enough to block, right? And just be like, no, no, no, no, no, without saying no. And eclipse season, we're in eclipse season at the moment. That's an important thing to note, which is literally if anyone that's tapped into astrology or loves astrology, this shit always fucking happens. Me personally in eclipse season, I think a lot of people on exorcist like a thing in eclipse season.

speaker-1: How we can actually clear yeah, it's it's literally like this is coming back so you can clear it and you don't Into your next cycle your next timeline, which is literally what?

speaker-0: can shift the cycle. you did what I experienced. So I get this message. It doesn't really matter what it says, but it was like, I didn't know who it was from because it's this random number. I have lots of friends. I've lived on the Gold Coast. I have friends there and I'm like thinking, ⁓ this is weird, but it's probably just a girlfriend. So you do the reply like, hi, sorry, don't have this number. Who is it? And it's this guy. And I was just like, ⁓ my God, this guy has got a new number. that is now not blocked and he's messaging me and he just is not getting the picture. He just keeps finding ways to come back in and message me and I'm confused. like, we were never in a serious relationship. It ended relatively amicably. I was like, it's full no. I was very clear, literally in person having that conversation. This is done. But he's not, he's like trying to. come back in, right? In some way. And I was telling Kaz and one of our other friends and just the backstory and the energetics behind it. And they were like, ⁓ no, you have to say something.

speaker-1: And just adding to this, your patterning, which we're talking about, can be along the avoidance side, which is like block, delete, you're out of my life, which I can relate to so deeply. And so that's what you've done every other time. So what we were reflecting back to you was, okay, how can you show up differently this time? If you hadn't actually communicated before that this is, this is now a and this is now a not. A verbal boundary beyond, he's obviously not getting

speaker-0: correct. a verbal boundary.

speaker-1: that silence is actually communication.

speaker-0: Like you're not getting the picture. You ain't getting the picture at all. 100 % and a quote that Kaz and I both love is, you know, the definition of insanity being doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. So we were speaking about this, obviously where I'm packing out, I'm sitting with it. I'm sitting with any somatic sensations that come up for me at the thought of blocking versus the thought of replying what's actually happening in my body. Because it's not about this person. This person is irrelevant, right? It's about the energetics behind the experience. It's what is life trying to show you through people experiences, opportunities, it is that's going on that's in your physical reality and also what's coming up for you energetically, emotionally, in your psyche. And yeah, so I set a boundary, hey, respectfully wish you the best, don't want you in my life and now or ever there's no need for us to be in comms and things so much came out of this because we really ⁓ I feel like we speak about a couple of things. Again, we're using this as an example of, I feel like collective energy that's happening right now, which we're both witnessing, experiencing, then seeing, and then also speaking to friends who are going through this, which is a couple of key patterns that I think we speak to here now. One being this fall of narcissism tendencies.

speaker-1: and experiencing yourself.

speaker-0: the reminder of the importance when you're being gaslit or someone's trying to invalidate your reality or make you feel crazy or make you feel like you're being rude because you're setting a boundary to remember who the fuck you are and your power and the importance of being like Actually no. Stepping out of the nice girl energy, the people pleasing energy and being like, actually this, I am not available for this energy. I'm not available for people like this to be in my life in any respect. I'm going off on a tangent now, but I feel like I want you to chime in and we can really riff on this topic.

speaker-1: Absolutely and I feel like I had such a similar experience in a different way but what Eclipse Season is really about it's... an ending of a cycles so that we can show up differently so that we can elevate our consciousness so we can ascend to who we are supposed to be and personally I've had a really tough six weeks I had this really strong intention for this year of joy at all costs and what life showed me was all the ways that I was blocking myself from joy, reflected back to me where I'm giving my power away, where I am dimming my light, dictate whether I experience joy or not. And it's been six weeks of constant tests, initiations, confrontations, similar to, you know, your experience over the weekend. And it's been tough. Equally, I have so much gratitude.

speaker-0: allowing other people to dictate.

speaker-1: for this because these experiences of contraction and tests are right before the light comes in, before we get to step into our power. And that shift came for me. when one of our beautiful friends, shout out to Joey, herl, did a breath work the other night. And this is something I wanted to go into a second is in that sacred pause when you can have these realizations. But what that reminded me of, so I had such a beautiful galactic experience. Like it took me, it transcended me to... A reminder of who the fuck I am. That's what kept coming through. And that's going to the capacity of experiences where you feel so safe and held. And I felt so safe and held in that space held by Joey and her light. And because of that holding, I was able to remember who I am, what my intention was for this year, that my joy is mine and it's sacred. And I have an absolute right to experience it in all its fullness. And... that unlocked something so strong in me that the next day I had such a huge test. And this is...

speaker-0: Can we reframe the word test? Yes, please. I'm so not a fan of the word test.

speaker-1: Because it's almost like Parsifate.

speaker-0: Yeah, so I'm absolutely like so mindful of reframing it because to an opportunity. Yes It's an opportunity to up differently to move differently to move And if you can't think of like how your higher self would move because sometimes it's really hard in the moment and especially activation so again, the grounding is so key in those moments. You don't always have to respond immediately

speaker-1: I that. It was an opportunity. ⁓ and activate it.

speaker-0: grounding, trying to come back into yourself as best as you possibly can and then seeing it as an opportunity to move differently. And if you can't tap into that higher self energy, then what I would recommend is being like, what is the opposite? Does the opposite feel like that could be an option? Which is what happened to me. Like what is the opposite of what I would normally do? And that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to feel good. It could still feel scary because it's unfamiliar and you haven't done it before. ⁓

speaker-1: What I was just going to say about the opposite, what's so amazing about that is you can then you have the somatic sensation in your body and then you can temper and move back, back towards the middle. So it's not necessarily about doing the opposite. It's feeling somatically in the body, opposite and then tempering to go back to what feels good. And we were speaking about this earlier is that there's no right or wrong.

speaker-0: the opposite and the sensations of the there is no fucking right or wrong. You can't fuck it up, which is why don't like tests because test is like you pass, fail, there's right, there's wrong. There's no such thing. It's an opportunity. It's so different every single time. Like I've been in the same situations and what felt right and authentic to me in one of those is different to than another one of those. And it's honoring you, what feels. right intuitively. Again, that doesn't always mean that it's going to be easeful or comfortable but intuitively in your heart or in your gut wherever you feel that sense of knowing and moving from that place.

speaker-1: And another thing to help with that is always the pause. and always always a pause and I think both of us Kabbalah has been wisdom that has been so transformative for both of us and it's this beautiful teaching of pausing we don't need and Honestly, that's what meditation is as well

speaker-0: Yeah, I feel like even you know, psychology, there's so many different frameworks that will talk about this psychology will talk about a neuroscience the pause between stimuli. Choose your language, whatever fucking resonates with you use that. The principle is the same. There's a moment of pause. I would say you feel the feels.

speaker-1: and response. 100%. you feel the anger, the rage, like because emotions are energy in motion. So it's let and you know, it's only 90 seconds when you actually let the emotion.

speaker-0: Let it move through you. If attached to a trauma, which I will say, and that's when I would recommend seeking support. If it's really dragging you down and you, or you don't have the tools or the resources to actually feel the feels, I'm fully validating you because that has been me and I still catch myself sometimes. Me too. resisting, I'm like, don't, don't, I don't want to, I don't want to feel it. So I would say that just to validate anyone who's maybe in more of a trauma response and you're like, the feeling's actually not going in the 90 second period.

speaker-1: Absolutely. If I'm honest, like that 90 second period, you have to feel so safe and you have to, and that really can happen through connection, co-regulating with someone or in a therapeutic setting, that safety to move through that emotion in that, so that isn't nuanced. I was more saying that when we let emotions move through us, it only takes 90 seconds to leave our system, but we have to feel safe. Yes. But just circling back to my opportunity, I was filled with so much rage and rage has been coming up so much for me and I know for you as well the past few years because growing up I wasn't allowed to feel rage and I was gaslit and told that there's something wrong with me for feeling rage and rage is such a normal human emotion.

speaker-0: someone is impeding on a boundary, primarily.

speaker-1: Absolutely, it's a normal human response to an environment that isn't safe. Something doesn't feel right in your body, it is normal to feel rage. What you do with it is really where it turns into something different. So for me, what I was sitting with was rage. so I really, really sat with that and I paused and I said, no, I'm feeling this rage. This is so uncomfortable. frankly very annoyed I'm feeling this like I'm going to be completely honest I was very annoyed I felt so empowered the night before but equally it's like had I not felt that empowered maybe I couldn't feel the rage because I would have been in a different state and so it's all happening for us but so I sat with that rage and for me what's so healing fire for me represents it's how we can alchemize rage so

speaker-0: process. Phoenix from the ashes baby.

speaker-1: Absolutely. And so I spent a lot of the day writing really everything I was feeling and thinking and burning it. I love doing that. I can feel the energetic shifts because it leaves everything as energy. So that anger is being transmuted. So of course, life showed me the next morning, two wild synchronicities happened and I was like, wow. And that's, you know, Sometimes it can be that quick that life will show you.

speaker-0: Yeah, especially again, eclipse season. It'll show you fast. Yeah, sacred rage came through for me really strongly in my morning meditation. We were speaking about this literally this morning of the importance of rage, the beauty of it, the purpose. And yeah, it's totally about what you do with that. And again, I think

speaker-1: You

speaker-0: how you express that, letting yourself feel it, trying to come back into grounding. I keep saying trying, coming back into grounding as best that you possibly can and still honoring the energy and the message that it had and expressing that.

speaker-1: Yeah, because what was coming through for me was you don't get to feel joy. And I was really fucking angry about that. I was like, of course I do. And what kept coming through was like, I don't have to prove anymore that I get to experience joy. It was this word of proving and that that's when it flipped to no, I am. I am joy. I am allowed to experience joy. And it's this. feeling of moving from I don't need to prove who I am.

speaker-0: ⁓ yeah, that's been a collective theme. Proving your value. Where are you proving or trying to prove your value to yourself and to others? Where's that showing up? I think that's such a good reflection prompt.

speaker-1: I do too and I think the other thing, know, maybe just bringing this even to social media for a second, doing an internal audit before you post something. Am I posting this to prove my worth or take

speaker-0: Get. To take. Is it taking energy or is giving energy? Yeah, that's a good one.

speaker-1: a little check-in because you don't need to prove yourself to anyone because you are, I am. And that is so felt energetically by people on the screen. You might not see instantaneously what that looks like in the physical, but people feel, if you're trying to attract your tribe or if you're trying to attract clients or whatever it is, Those who are meant to find you will find you when you are who you are, not from tiny clients.

speaker-0: There's so many tangents that I wanna go on. But I do wanna circle back, I'm feeling really called to share this. I wanna circle back around to you speaking about joy because I definitely have been through a journey with joy myself. And I just want to validate because I've also witnessed this and supported clients to move through this, a lot of them as well, which is if you have had experiences. Primarily in childhood, we know like we don't have to go deep into the subconscious reprogramming. You can listen to about 100 other episodes at this point about that. But when you have had a childhood and this doesn't just go for joy, this goes for any emotional expression, but where joy was limited, it was shut down, your light was suppressed, whatever that is. If you're not giving yourself a permission slip like you are to experience joy and be like, am joy, I'm choosing joy, know, obviously there's a full process. I don't want to like spiritual bypass. There's a whole process that you need to go through to get there sometimes. But a way that I was recognizing that I wasn't allowing that for myself at one point was I was witnessing others in their joy and it would trigger the fuck out of me. And it would be like, why do they get to just experience joy? Why is it so easy for them? It feels so hard for me. I don't even know how to feel that. And there was such a grief and anger and frustration and hurt because there's part of you that's grieving. It feels like you're unable to access that. And it's really fascinating. I worked with a client. recently and one of the beliefs we uncovered for her because she's in this process of unlocking your emotions like love and joy it's so beautiful to witness. One of the beliefs that she had that we unlocked was that it's actually safer for me to be in these lower vibration emotions because the letdown of being in them and then having the rug pulled out in some way is so heartbreaking that it's actually just safer for me to stay in either neutrality or sadness instead of accessing joy and choosing joy. So a couple of things in that I think one is if it's activating you in it, if there's envy, there's jealousy, if there's anger, frustration when you're witnessing people in their joy and in their light, are you giving yourself the permission slip to choose that for yourself and to show up in that way? That's something I wanted to add.

speaker-1: That is so beautiful and it's really an invitation into our inner world. It's an opportunity, it's an invitation.

speaker-0: opportunity again.

speaker-1: choose differently and it's like with the envy I just want to say how normal that is. It is such a normal experience because we are in a social construct where we're constantly how we a lot of people make sense of themselves in life is by comparison and you know the quote comparison is a thief of joy and it really is so it's like coming back to your center which is the space and having knowing who you are but if you are triggered by those emotions, sitting with that and asking, is that showing me? Is it showing me that that's something I want? Amazing. That person can be an expander for you. That person can show you what you actually are craving and how you're not allowing yourself to experience that.

speaker-0: Yeah, I think getting nuanced with that is so powerful as well because sometimes we can get lost in when we don't really discern what it is, like we can associate it with a material item when it's in fact their joy or their light or their energy, their vitality, their glowing skin that just feels like the energy is like oozing from them. What is it actually specifically when you really not into it? Something that I want to circle back to is you speaking into, I can't remember the exact words you were using, but we were speaking about this this morning and it was linked into Sacred Rage. So I was meditating this morning. We were both had notes in our phone about rage, Sacred Rage, through just conversation with friends, there was an experience that came up and I was speaking with Kez about this previously. I won't go into what it was that was, you know, the thing that I'm witnessing that's

speaker-1: Thank you.

speaker-0: bringing that up in me but I think the wisdom that I've received from it is the importance I feel like for me personally really stepping into this era I've had a lot of people and we had a conversation again about it last night be like what does that higher self version look for you for this next chapter and I'm like for me it really is this version of me who is discerning is in their power, is assertive, there's no bullshit energy. I can be compassionate, but I also know who the fuck I am and who I'm not and what I stand for and what I don't stand for. And this situation and these experiences that are activating this rage is really inviting me to take a stance on certain things that I do not agree with and things that I do agree with. And also in that process, being open-minded still. And we really have touched on this because sometimes when we experience rage or outrage or frustration or anger, we can go so far in the extreme of like, I'm right, they're wrong, that's bad, I'm good, I would never do that. And in that experience, we lose perspective, we lose openness to new insights and new awareness. And so it's beautiful dance and balance between, again, feeling the rage. and then moving into, I can maybe see it from their perspective and what's led them to react in that way or show up in that way and I can have compassion, but I can also still return to in my heart and when I ground into my values and my sense of what's right and wrong for me, not for anyone else. No one else has to follow this blueprint. It's just me to honor myself. Where are you needing to be more discerning? What do you stand for? And I think we had this conversation because I was like, fuck for so long. I've been teetering because I have this people pleasing wounding of trying to make sure everyone's okay. Like, you know, everyone's okay and I'm not upsetting anyone and I'm being nice to everyone and you know, da da da da da da da and like harmony. Yeah, my liberalising, it's all harmonious and we don't want anyone to be there. There is safety in that.

speaker-1: There's a safety in that and that's breaking through that. ⁓

speaker-0: because you're not basically outing yourself against what's going on. people could be like, no, we don't agree with you and you're on your own, right? Which is like the equivalent of death in our psyche. We want that belonging. And so it's safe to yeah, teeter and be on the fence with some things. And that's definitely been a lesson for me this weekend of like no longer on the fence. Again, you can have that open-mindedness and perspective, but I think there's been a couple of things that have scared me away from that in the past. Number one is definitely that fear of rejection, the fear of other people not understanding, spinning narratives, not getting it. And also I'm constantly growing and evolving and changing. And it's like, maybe my stance on that shifts. And so it's not, I die on this hill energy all the time, but it also is, I think in the moment, in the present moment, where do you stand and being assertive about that. I know you want to add stuff and I'm handing it over to you because I've been passionately ranting.

speaker-1: This is so resonant for me as well. And it's something. It's so interesting because I'm just going to bring this into astrology for a second. Tarnishing my Aries moon. It's allowed me to unlock and accept in myself my sacred rage, which was always ghastly which was always Minimized and Basically, it's it's so interesting because when you have situations or family members that Can't hold their own rage They will project onto you

speaker-0: Yeah. That you're the problem.

speaker-1: the problem.

speaker-0: and that there's something within you that is too much, not enough.

speaker-1: which is so much of my wounding. So a lot of that anger went internal and anger towards myself rather than the truth. And I know that so many women's experience, honestly, everyone's, don't want to actually make this about gender at all, but in particular with the feminine, there is a silencing of women and which is coming out is being illuminated so much in the collective, which is probably why we're sharing this right now. So. there's I've got that side of me. But then I've also got the side similarly to you where I can so empathize with all angles of other people's experiences and I can go so deep empathically to feel in their body what they're feeling. And honestly, it's been a journey of a lifetime to realize that that's their experience and this is mine. And it has taken so much discernment. for me not to take on the energetics of another person because I can energetically in my body feel what someone else and it is heavy.

speaker-0: This is Saint Girl. Yeah, and it's that like circling back to the fucking guy texting. It's, I'm not available for this. I can empathize, I can have compassion, but it's actually not mine to deal with, right? Which is what you're saying. There's a healthy disassociation. That is your experience. This is mine. I have compassion that you're in a heavy state, but it doesn't mean that I need to be. I'm choosing Joy.

speaker-1: Absolutely and so basically allowing myself to feel that sacred rage and move through that I have realized how much I'm not sharing about what I actually believe and what I stand for and what kept coming back to me when we were speaking about this was If you stand for everything, you stand for nothing. And so it's like, what is being on the fence actually doing? It's actually preventing me from stepping into my power, stepping into my light, showing who I actually am, because I'm not for everyone. And my whole life I've been on this journey of being misunderstood and how painful that's been. But it's like, people are gonna spin narratives about you regardless of what you do.

speaker-0: You will always going to be the villain in someone's story. Absolutely. being able to hold...

speaker-1: The joy despite like your own light and your own joy despite again the villainizing

speaker-0: Who the fuck you are in the midst of that?

speaker-1: because that distortion, and I know this is something we've both experienced, it mind fucks you. ⁓ And you actually, and that's where I can merge so much with another. And it's been such a journey for me of, again, remembering who I am, but also like energetically separating boundaries, cutting cords. There's so much energetic hygiene, which I think we'll tap into. Let's circle into that. Literally, I open tabs, tab, tab. ⁓

speaker-0: Let's bookmark that one. Kez and I are psychotic in the best of ways and we always have 20 conversations open and we will circle back to them sometimes days later. But just bear with us basically.

speaker-1: Please.