Jodi Lynn Turpin: Choosing Joy podcast. It's me Jody Lynn Turpin. We are on episode 87 and honestly as the numbers keep going up I'm just so grateful and thankful to be sharing my voice, sharing what I know about joy and how to be braver in choosing it and even braver and more confident and picking things that may be a little bit harder to navigate around when choosing joy. And that is why I picked the topic of today, specifically because I'm seeing it a lot around me and family and friends and seeing it on social media and other places. I thought I would talk today about, and I know I've talked about things like this, but I'm to be very specific today, I promise. but about when you're angry, especially about the people around you, your family, your work, situations happening around you, how do you choose joy in those times when it's like, it's crazy over here. This is wild. This is so mean. People are so angry. I'm so angry now. Like when you have that deep anger feeling. Number one, it's important to have the anger feeling because we're human and we're supposed to feel through that. But also it's a number one, like big title, huge thing out there saying there's something I need to change or grow through. So it is a gift, even though it feels like crap every time. I know because I have lots of anger too. And First, I want to say that we get to choose our reactions to anything in any situation. So even if there is deep anger and we notice it, we get to choose a different way of thinking if we desire, but we have to know it. We have to see it and recognize it and be like, ⁓ Hey, it doesn't feel good to feel this way about this same exact situation that just keeps coming up in my life in different ways. because we are on our own paths and you're listening right now because you want to choose joy. You didn't just like turn on this choosing joy podcast because, ⁓ okay. You know, I'm just this or that. No, it's because you really want to choose joy and you want to feel into it more. And so in regards to anger and maybe you get really triggered and angry about a situation at work. whether you work with customers or you work with just your fellow employees, but something's bothering you over and over again. Why have you stopped and asked yourself, why does this anger me? Why does this make me feel so fuming angry and mad? Why? Step one, do that and ask yourself, really ask. Maybe you need to pray about this task that way ⁓ or just really feel into it. Journal, meditate, however it looks for you, but ask yourself, why does this thing bother me? And I don't want to feel that way again tomorrow when I go to work. And I don't want to feel that way again when I go to the gym or when I go to this restaurant or this or that. So first is why. And then... Besides it being a learned behavior, you have you've created a learned reaction to why you are angry. And I find there's two reasons for that. It's either because you would never ever treat someone that way. You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't come into a business and throw food on the floor. Or, I mean, even little things like maybe it's not pushing in your chair after eating and you're like, are those people pushing their chair? And you're angry. It's because you would never forget to push in your chair. You would never throw food on the floor. You would never treat someone so poorly. I mean, this, is such a wide range of why we get angry from like 1 % up to a thousand percent, right? Like major things going on in the world. And then just small things like, you know, your kids just not rinsing off their dishes. Maybe I'm using some of my own examples, of course, but it's because you wouldn't do that or you wouldn't purposely do that. So it hurts you in your heart in a way that you can't stop, but being hurt by it. You know, when you see horrible things happen in the world, like abuses and all these things, of course you would not do that. So it hurts your heart. But then there's an other side, another side to this. And it's because it reflects. you something about you that you're doing that you have done in the past that has given you a trauma from your past and it brings it up over and over again so you have this anger around it so what can you do well if it's your own response i like to say my husband is like a professional at this but it's mind your own business I mean that in the least sassy way, like what other people are doing really has nothing to do with us unless they are directly hurting us. And that the, don't mean that in a mean way. feel like I really came across like a sassy way, but like really minding your own and doing like staying in your own path is very helpful. I think it's also a very masculine approach and that does not work for everyone because we're not all masculine. Some people are more sensitive and on the feminine side of their feelings and emotions. So when you have this happen, this like anger and you notice it, what part does it stir up in you exactly? Where do you feel it? What does it bring up to your mind? And ask again. Back to the first question, why? Why are you feeling this specific thing? Is it because it's something it reflects in you? Is it something that you do and you're like, ⁓ my, I do that. I leave my chair out all the time. I mean to people at a restaurant when they don't bring my food out fast enough, I do that. So you're mad at someone else for doing it in that moment. And that's when you can start the change because you're highly aware. where and why your anger is happening. Like where is it coming from? Why is this, you know, why is this feeling in me? So, you know, maybe it's something you need to change in yourself or maybe it's something that you need to let go and let other people live their lives how they're going to do. And you know, sometimes we do have to point out things. I actually point out things not all the time, but when I see things, because people sometimes don't actually know that the thing is happening. And that's when maybe you have to set boundaries or you really just kindly say to someone, Hey, when you don't push in your chair at this tiny little restaurant, a lot of people, I noticed even the waitress is push, you know, tripping on it. And they're like, I didn't even know I was doing that because it was their own learned behavior. So now they have the option to change, or they might say to you, your own business. It has nothing to do with you. And you get the you know, beautiful act of pushing in their chair for them once they left the restaurant. ⁓ But we can change. do have the power to change how we feel about things. It's like, here's, I've talked about this loop before. It's like a gold ring is a loop of whatever it is. So maybe this is anger about a specific thing and to break through it. Once you feel like just to make a little crack in that, that loop is to say, okay, I notice I'm angry, but why I'm going to change this. I don't want to be angry about this. This doesn't feel good anymore. people around me are starting to notice it. My friends are noticing it. My family is noticing it. They don't want to be by me. They don't want to talk with me because I'm so angry about this and that. And so you get the opportunity to slightly start to change. And I will tell you with friends, family, all of the women I have worked with, this is very common to have anger about things. And it's the things they want to change. It's the things that they want to be able to choose joy around. And it is 1000 % worth it to spend the time on these things. Because once you shift that one thing that made you angry, say at work or this or that, whatever stands out, like you could think right this moment, what's something you're always angry about. Once you start, to change that every other thing around anger will start to change as well. You will be able to smoothly like flow through and move through these things easier. And sometimes you do need to talk to someone about it. Sometimes you need to talk to a friend or your mom or a mentor or anything like that to help you start to see a little outside the box outside of your loop so you can break through into a new feeling. and a new understanding. And so, like, some actions that I feel it can be taken. Number one, pray. for your heart to open to not be so angry. Pray for your heart to understand. a little bit deeper why you're angry so you can heal because you want to be different. You want to change. want to feel better. You can also create a habit around this. So if a certain thing makes makes you mad, maybe you don't put yourself in that situation so much, but I guarantee you other way. will show up in other ways until you smooth it out. Like you feel like, ⁓ I'm okay with going to the dentist after all these years. I'm completely fine with it. And then like another dental thing comes up. That's like way outside of your realm so you have to deal with it and you have to flow through it. are given these opportunities, these challenges, these things we have to fight for ourselves for growth and it is always worth it and always beautiful. So creating that habit around that like, okay, when I get angry, I'm going to call my friend. When I get angry, I'm going to say this little prayer. When I get angry, I'm going to try to look beyond this because whatever you're angry at, especially if it's at a person, they are where they are. You can't change them. You can't make them different. You can't make them see any differently until they choose to see differently. And so we can have empathy towards them. Even if they're like, you're like, how could you have empathy for someone who is such a ding dong and so rude and so this and so that it's because Our hearts need empathy. We need empathy from people and so do they because it gives them the opportunity in the space to possibly change and grow and heal in their own times, in their own way. And realizing that we can't change everyone or anyone besides ourselves, even our children, we can guide them, we can love them, we can give them every piece of information and advice that we have, but they have to pick it. We cannot force it. I mean, you can see what happens when you force everything. When people, any situation on the earth, when we force and force, I just think about if that goes well and if it is a lasting change. It's not usually. And if you do need to set boundaries with yourself or around other people because of this anger, that is completely healthy and understandable as well. And I really recommend doing that if needed. I've had to set lots of boundaries in my life with lots of different people. And of course it's hard. ⁓ it's so hard and it hurts my heart. But I know that I need to set those boundaries. so that I can feel good and be a better person. And they mostly all started with some sort of anger towards someone, a situation, a place, this or that. And I want to mention that this is something I work with with every one of the women. I know I already said this. And if you need help with this, please reach out to me. I love a good refrain and like seeing something in a different light. I love helping people with this. It really is part of my deep purpose to see things in a different light, to connect more deeply to joy and to love and the good things in life that we're healing through and growing through and the opportunities and the chances we get within those things. And I really wish you well. And I pray for your heart to be softened with less anger or at least in an anger that you can move through and learn through and grow through because it's so important. And so it's so special as in our time on earth to connect deeper to this and to feel deeper into why we are who we are and why we react and we respond the way we do. So please reach out to me with any questions. comments, concerns, you can find me on my website, JodyLynnTurpin.com, or you can send me an email, Jody at JodyLynnTurpin.com. And my one-on-one work is open right now. I have one month and three month options. And also I have my joy gathering monthly group available. And you can find that all in the comments or more information on my website. And I love you all and I hope you keep choosing joy and you feel through your feelings and that you spend some time outside today too. I gotta get myself outside right now. I've been working all day. I love you all. Have a great day.