speaker-0: Welcome in to rounding the bases.

speaker-1: It's around the basis Everybody knows Joe Goldberg It's around the Everybody knows Joe Goldberg

speaker-0: Hey everybody, welcome into another episode of Rounding the Bases presented by Community America Credit Union, invested in you as always. I wanna thank my partners over at Community America, as well as my friends at Chief of Staff, Kansas City. If you are in the market for a new job, you're looking to hire someone, looking for advice, a sounding board, great experts, but just amazing people, culture, relationships. highly encourage you to check them out. of staff, kc.com, making connections that matter. I love my connection with them and I like a newer connection with my guest today, someone that I met recently and I'm really excited to have on the podcast. On today's installment of Round of the Bases, compassion meets action and lives begin to change. Meet Kelsey Green. She's the Assistant Executive Director of Mothers Refuge, an organization that has been giving young, vulnerable moms place to call home since 1987. Here, Kelsey and her team walk alongside pregnant women and young mothers, offering them care in a community that believes every life is worth fighting for. But Mother's Refuge is more than a soft place to land. It's a launching pad for independence that restores hopes and rewrites stories, empowering young mothers with the tools they need to build brighter futures so they and their babies can thrive. When I hear about groups like this, when I hear about helping moms, which helps kids, which helps communities. I just think so important in any community, certainly in ours as well. And I am happy right now to be joined by Kelsey. Kelsey, how are you?

speaker-1: doing great how are you Joel?

speaker-0: I'm good. It's good to see you. good to catch up with you a little bit before we came on. And I know that the work that you are all doing at Mother's Refuge is so, so important. I don't know who wouldn't buy that, right? mean, like at the simplest level, ⁓ we want moms to be safe and healthy. We want kids to be raised with an opportunity. ⁓ We tend to argue about all the rest of this stuff in the world of politics and... this mess that I'm glad I don't have to live in. But this seems pretty simple to me. I know it's not that simple, but it has to be just the most amazing work to be able to change lives like this.

speaker-1: Yeah, you know, Joel, it' I think, you know, every a new mom and every story impactful and just so wor told worthy of just the h to restore in in each mom comes to mother's refug an honor and a joy to be at mother's refuge to b home, sometimes for the It's a joy and an honor to be on your podcast today and to do the work that we do at Mother's Refuge every day.

speaker-0: All right, so let's dive right into it and tell me how you got involved.

speaker-1: Yeah, so a little background on me. ⁓ So Kelsey Green, currently my role here at Mother's Refuge. I'm the assistant executive director. So I've been here for about eight years at Mother's Refuge, but my background, ⁓ I would say really starts. Do you want me to go as far back as high school? Okay. So back in high school, my parents, I was the baby of three girls, lived in a rural small town. ⁓ But when I was a senior in high school, my parents decided to start fostering. They saw the need in our community of foster kids that didn't have homes from birth to teenage, really just struggling in our community. And so they opened the doors of our house. Granted, I was a senior in high school. I finally had the house to myself, right? Like my sisters, my older sisters had moved out, but I was all for it. And I think I just fell in love with helping people. And I saw the need just being so great around. of all these kids who they deserved a home and they deserved a loving family. And so about the same time I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life and through a lot of prayer and faith, I took the jump to go into social work. So my bachelor's and my master's are both in the social work field. I started off working for a foster care agency before coming to Mother's Refuge, helping kids with tough behaviors be able to stay at home and stay with family. So. That's definitely my heart and my passion for what we do here at Mother's Refuge is trying to keep families together because we know that when kids can stay with moms, they thrive when they're with their parents, right? And so the more that we can leave family units together and not displace families, the greater their chances of success are. And so I'm just honored to really do that work here at Mother's Refuge. Right now in my role, I really get to oversee our programs, our develop and everything ⁓

speaker-0: And I sit back and I think about a high school kid that is exposed to this. Look, there are some high school kids that are exposed to it practically from birth themselves. Then I think that there are a lot of us that maybe were, one, fortunate enough to be raised with a mom or in some cases a mom and a dad and not to have to worry about these things. And then at least for me, I hope that you learn about. you learn about these moments and these people and these programs because if you don't know, you you just kind of go about your life. And, you know, it's one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on. I like to highlight important programs within the area because I think that oftentimes these issues, these dilemmas for families, for young kids, for moms are going on right in our neighborhoods, right underneath our noses. And we don't know about it. Maybe that means that you get involved by by donating money or maybe that means that you get involved as a volunteer or you can list off all the things much better than I can. But there's so many good causes out there. And I feel like when people learn about them and they get inspired by them, there's a chance that even if it doesn't affect them, that they start to help. And by the way, it does affect everybody. If it's your community, the kids that we're raising that could be our leaders one day or could be your employees one day or whatever it might be. so to have that exposure for you at what, 17 or 18 years old, as by the way, probably like a teenage girl that as you said is like, I want my space now. This is my time. I'm the baby and I don't wanna share this with anyone. I'm sure there might've been a little bit of that. However much there was, was I'm sure replaced by how powerful this was. What is the teenage version of you remember about what moved you most?

speaker-1: I really think just seeing kids hurting, like number one, missing their parents, not understanding, you know, what is happening. Why do I have to go to this random home? Good as it might be, I still do. There's an allegiance to your biological parents. ⁓ Also just embracing them, like as a sister was so cool and really taught me a lot about what family really is. Like family is what you make it. And the people in the community, as you mentioned, Joel, like who surrounds you is... is honestly, they play such a big part in who you're gonna become. ⁓ And so being able to walk alongside of them, a couple of our first placements, one actually is my adopted sister now. She came to us and she was four months old and she was the size of a newborn, pretty gray, failure to thrive. They weren't sure if she was gonna even make it. It was really terrifying, but also just ⁓ so eye-opening to me that her mom, did not have the resources that she needed. She didn't have the family support, the wraparound, you know, somebody who was helping her learn how to feed a baby. She didn't know, like she didn't have the skills. And so it's so moving to me to be able to be in a position like I am today where, you know, we see a mom who might come in struggling and maybe she, she's never had it modeled to her what a solid mother looks like. and we're able to provide her with that education and walk her through, know, here's how you make a bottle. Here's how you bathe your baby and you make sure they're clean. And here's what a bedtime routine looks like. All of those little things that, you know, they're they're so necessary. And so many people without a mother, they weren't ever able to, you know, really understand how to make those things happen. So it's I think 17, 18 year old Kelsey would be just thrilled to know that this is the work that I get to do every day. Um, learn what is, what's m and what's it like to ha family. We really create a who come here. We have a program and any mom who's maternity home or at our tr program, she's able to st as needed and and we rea and a support system for It's really cool and I know 17 year old Kelsey would be very proud of the work that Mother's Refuge does and that I get to be a small part of it.

speaker-0: Yeah, and I hope other 17 year olds or 15 year olds or 20 years, whatever it is for you. became an inspiration, I think to a career, right? And this opportunity to change lives. I'm guessing just, you know, who you are, you would have found work like this. I think this is probably your passion, but but you had that early exposure to it, which had such a profound effect. And when you think back now, what are we? Almost 40 years. Not you in doing this for 40 years, but this was 1987, Mother's There's a great quote on the website and we'll have the website listed in the show notes, mothersrefuge.org. From Angel McDonald, your executive director, our home is filled with love, warmth and acceptance to all the young ladies that call Mother's Refuge home. Tell me about the background and the history with her starting this and what I'm sure next year will be a huge year, 40 year anniversary.

speaker-1: Yeah, for sure. So as you mentioned, Mother's Refuge has been around since 1987. Angel, our current executive director, has been with our agency for nearly 25 years. So she has really got to watch the ups and the downs of Mother's Refuge and the hard years and the good years and all of the things that really encompass that. So there's just so much that goes into the making of, you know, getting an organization to 40 years, like that that does take a commitment, a lot of hard work, a lot of tough days. ⁓ And so it's just been really cool to watch us continue to evolve as an agency. We started out as just a simple maternity home where we could help a few moms because there was a group of concerned citizens here in the Independence area, Kansas City Metro that saw, you know, we have these moms coming to high school and they're pregnant and they're couch hopping. They have nowhere to go, no safety. no stability, what are going to do? And so that's really where Mother's Refuge started. It was pastors and counselors and principals and people coming together meeting a need, which I think is just incredible. And so from that, we've continued to grow. We've had a maternity home for, you know, it was just the maternity home for 30 plus years. And now just in 2022, we added on transitional living apartments just as a response to a major community need. Joel Wiggett. over 1000 crisis calls a mind blowing. Honestly, th who just need a hand up. someone to be in their co them get their footin to be able to put a depos that they can keep up with those 1000 like we can onl So that's a lot of people that we have to refer out as well, which is where we're in the middle, I'm sure we'll talk about in a little bit too, of growing our transitional living program. We're in the middle of the building campaign and we will have more apartments by the end of the year because this need is so great. And Mother's Refuge really exists to be a gap filler and to continue meeting community need. We don't want any mom to be living on the street or living in our car with a baby, wondering, you know, how am going to get formula? Where's my next meal going to come from? Like that is terrifying. And we exist to try and eliminate that in our city.

speaker-0: Do you have a sense of just knowing the history of the organization? What it looked like back on day one at 87? What it looked like maybe when Angel arrived 25 years ago? I mean, that's 15 years in. And then what it looked like when you kind of arrived and then to today, I guess what I'm getting at is I know there's a massive progression from 87 to when Angel came in to when you came in to now.

speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. So Mother's Refuge definitely was a grassroots organization. So we had a couple board members and a couple people on staff when Mother's Refuge first started. like I said, we were only able to take a few girls at one time. actually, have the original, one of the original buildings for Mother's Refuge were located off of 40 Highway and Independence, that kind of in a neighborhood back behind Gates Barbecue. And that's where Mother's Refuge initially started. But the home wasn't really set up well to be able to take a lot of moms at one time. And so I would say it was really like small grassroots, we're gonna do what we can do, but the finances and the ⁓ staffing wasn't there to really make mothers refuge, you know, the dream and the vision that we have now. Through a lot of years of hard work, and I would say when Angel came on board, they were still really at that grassroots place. She can tell stories of. You know, some some weeks it was like, OK, I don't know how we're going to pay our staff today. And is there something in the office you'd like to take as a paycheck? Like it really was that much of a struggle. But that struggle was worth it because moms were off the streets and they were being helped. ⁓ From there, we became a licensed residential facility through the state of Missouri, so we actually can take moms into our home who are in the foster care system as well. So with that comes a lot of restrictions and licensing. ⁓ staff ratios, things of t have have at least two at our maternity home at you know, adds to a payr now are at the place wher most every shift because one more person to provide more person to provide r to um, doctors appointment of things. So we've been a our staffing when I came We had our one maternity home, but we were really in a place, they were in a place of strategic planning of like, we know that there's a huge community need and we need to do more. So how are we gonna make this happen? And so at that point, we began dreaming and throwing a lot of vision out there. And a transitional living program is something that Mother's Refuge has always wanted to do. And really Joel, the heart behind that is. we can help moms in our mater that between the age and we really do have m come to us choosing to ke and wanting to um become walk alongside them in t help them, you know, fig best that we can. Um, s adoption. But for those who able to stay at mother's So they're able to stay at the maternity home for a while, but what we were seeing is they were reaching ages 17, 18, thinking, hey, I'm ready to go try this by myself, but they were still in school, didn't have much savings, but they were a mom. And so they had a baby who was relying on them too, which is really where the heart of our TLP was born. So through our transitional living program, moms are provided with their own apartment. So they get case management, they get therapy just like they do in the maternity home and we provide a lot of budgeting oversight. But other than that, they're independent and on their own. So moms in that program are building a renter's history because they are paying rent. So 40 % of what they make, they pay back as a rent payment. What they didn't know at the beginning, they've kind of figured it out now because there's multiple girls in the program. But when they leave, they get 100 % of that back. other than a very small deposit as a nest egg. So it is building their savings just by paying rent, building their renters history. They're really able to get their feet under them, finish their education if that's what they want. ⁓ We also have a driving program. So we're teaching moms how to drive. so we're really just adding on things that we've seen as like, okay, if a mom doesn't have a car, she really struggles when she leaves mother's refuge because she doesn't have a way to get to work and get baby to daycare. So we're really trying to fill all of those gaps so that when moms leave, they're extremely successful. They're members of our society that are giving back. They're serving in the community because when they're with us, they're also serving twice a month. They're volunteering. They're baking cookies for firefighters. So really trying to instill a lot of those ⁓ communal values in them too. So Joel, I don't know if that answers your question, but I think Mother's Refuge has really grown incredible ways in the last almost 40 years of what does our community need? What do these moms need? And what can we do about it? And we really try and look at that every single day strategically of, okay, how are we going to do this? And let's do the best we can.

speaker-0: My limited experience is that I've done a lot of, not a lot of work, but emceed a couple years and really gotten to know and become friends with an organization here in town called In the Name of Grace and Oxford Homes. And they've got men's homes and women's homes. And so my mind went to the women only because as you're describing these women, but it really could be the men or the women because as I visited some of those homes, the amount of pride. ⁓ that all of those residents took in, this is my home. And I'm going out to my job and I'm doing this and I'm doing that. And it was like, you could see the cycle breaking. No guarantees that it's gonna fully break. I know there are challenges on the way. I'm not trying to make this easier than it is because at my low level ⁓ of connection to this, I understand that this is so much easier said than done. But I also know that Forming habits, providing foundation, giving hope. On the website, there's a great line. It's perfectly positioned right over a mother's stomach, a pregnant mother's stomach. all you see is the hands cradling the baby inside her stomach. And it says, mother's refuge, restore hope, empower young mothers. And as I read that, just thought, I heard so much hope being restored from these men and women that I talked to. I could see that there was a path for them. But more importantly, they could see there was a path for them. And I'm sure without being sure, pretty sure that you see that on an everyday basis. And I'm wondering if you could describe it because I think that a lot of the women that are coming in are coming in without any hope.

speaker-1: Right. Absolutely. And Joel, right. We do see that on a daily basis. I think one thing when you were talking about even Oxford and the way that they they really take pride in it being their home, we we make sure that there's pictures around the house in our living room. Every baby has a picture in a frame because I want you to feel like this is your living room. This is your home. ⁓ And I think it also creates a sense of pride. Right. And like our our home, for those who haven't seen it, who might be listening today, reach out to me, we will and show you, we are not l you might envision in a are a home, a home that, are very proud of our it creates something insi like this is the standard want to have for myself. I want to live in a house t nice and is well cared f we really try and create Being able to see moms really light up in that way as they move through our programs is incredible. had one mom I had to step into a case management role ⁓ a few months back and one of the moms that I worked with, I was doing her intake and calling her to let her know that we were going to accept her into the program. So little did I know, but she told me this story later that when I called her to accept her into the program, she was in a very bad domestic violence type of situation. She's her her partner had put her phone on auto answer so that he could always hear when someone called. And so when I called her phone, auto answered. But praise God that it did, because he had her, you know, in a choke hold in the shower. And because the phone auto answered, she was able to take that call and we got her to Mother's Refuge right away. So she was able to get out of that situation, save her life, save her baby's life. She was pregnant and. get back to high school. You she was only 16 years old at the time. So get back to high school, get in that stability. And she is an incredible mom today. And just watching them light up, like as she even told me that story, was two months after she came to Mother's Refuge that she decided to share that with me and hearing her share it and say like, my life is different and can feel it. Those are the moments that you live for when you have a hard job like this, because you don't always see the fruit, to be honest. These moms are young, and so sometimes they come and they're like, yeah, no, I don't want this structure. I don't wanna have to follow rules. I don't wanna go to classes, and you don't see the fruit. But then they come back a few years later as part of the aftercare program, and they're like, thank you for that. I know that I needed that now, and I did learn so much from it. So it's a really cool thing to watch girls become empowered and for their hope to just grow.

speaker-0: I hear so much purpose in your life and your job, which is such a blessing, even if it comes with so many challenges and so much heartache along the way to I mean, that's that's the reward. Unfortunately, the sacrifices is a lot of the heavy stuff that you have to deal with. I know, and I don't mean to speak for you, but I know it's all worth it. Because yeah, the results that you're talking about that before I get to my baseball theme questions. Yeah. I want to make sure that I know you talked about wanting to cover I think it was housing, because It's very easy to look and say, okay, here's an organization helping out moms and their babies. And it's so much more than that. We have such a crisis that I know is not going away. That's not just a Kansas City thing. That's an unfortunate, I think it's everywhere thing. I see it. I see it every city I go to for baseball and it's a challenging one. So tell me about that because this is a whole nother, I think a whole nother level for Mother's Refuge.

speaker-1: It absolutely is and I appreciate you allowing us to highlight it because the need for our community to wrap around us and support us in this endeavor is so big. So we purchased a building that's actually Caddy Corner from Harry S. Truman's house in downtown Independence. Kind of a fun little fact. It was the old higher ground boutique hotel. So it was an old boutique hotel that had 30 rooms in it and we were able to purchase that building. We're now working with J.E. Dunn and renovating the entire building to be 12 apartments. for moms and babies as well as there's gonna be an incredible garden and play space outside. We have a laundry facility inside. We will have a big meeting room for moms in our aftercare program, as well as for classes for our TLP moms. A cool playroom inside as well for the kiddos, because there's gonna be probably 30 kids living in this building. So we need a place for them to get out a lot of that energy in the winter months. We will have case management and therapy on site. So it is really going to expand our transitional living program. Because as I mentioned, the amount of crisis calls that we receive, we can't meet every need. I was just talking to a case manager this morning and she's like, hey, I'm going through crisis calls right now. There's no way we can help all of these moms currently. But we are adding two more apartments because we're currently renting seven apartments for our transitional living program in a three bedroom house. So we're going to be adding two more apartments in February. that we will be renting. then this building will completed estimated around October of this year where we will have 12 more apartments for moms and babies. So with that, we're in the middle of an enormous capital campaign. We're nearing the end of it. First ever capital campaign for Mother's Refuge and just seeing our community show up has been incredible. We always have a need for volunteers, for financial donations. ⁓ for people to honestly, if you pray, to be praying for us as well, because it's a battlefield when you're in the social service field, both for staff and for girls overcoming certain traumas and things in their situation. So just having our community wrap around us is so important and essential.

speaker-0: All the information about that campaign is on the website, mothersrefuge.com. And there's right at the top on the right side, it says, Welcome Home Capital Campaign. You guys have done very well as of this recording and still a ways to go. So clearly the interest is there, the work has been put in. So kudos to you and everyone there. And I'll just reiterate, and I know that you were able to give us some of these stats. Currently estimate. that Casey assured 100,000 units needed for low income renters. So that's gonna include a lot of moms or not. The bottom line is, is that there's a need, it's not going away. And so we talk about Mother's Refuge, five step program, parenting. think that's what everybody affect Mother's Refuge. It's, yeah, parenting, sure. Infant care, sure. Money management you talked about before. Mental and physical health, community awareness. So there's so much. going on here, which means that you and your staff are very, busy every single day. So with all that said, so much success. I know a lot of heartache along the way. It's unfortunate parts of the job. What's the biggest home run? My baseball theme questions. What's the biggest home run that you have hit, whether it be you or mother's refuge in this journey?

speaker-1: You know, I think it would be our capital campaign that we are currently in. It was a dream and a vision for Mother's Refuge for so long to expand and have a transitional living program. for us to be, I mean, we came from such a small grassroots organization. So for us to be in the middle of a three year campaign raising 17 and a half million dollars, and we're only 500,000 away. And so it's just, it's been incredible to watch our community show up. And just honestly, we have incredible development team and program team. And for everyone to just join together and be able to hit this home run for moms, because of this, we're going to be able to welcome more moms and babies home. And for me, every single day that we're able to open the doors and say welcome home and a mom gets off the streets, like that's a home run and that's enough. So it's going to be really fun the day that we get to open the doors to this building and say welcome home to 12 new families.

speaker-0: Pretty awesome stuff. How about a swing and a miss along the way and what did you learn from it?

speaker-1: That's a good one. I've thinking through this one a little bit. And I think just as a young leader, there's a lot of potential swings and misses because you know, you're you're trying some things out for the first time. I have some years under me now, but I mean, I'm never going to be an expert. And I totally know that. And I actually appreciate that because there's always room to learn. But I would say one thing, I am a perfectionist and a fast worker and sometimes a little too fast. So I would say Anytime that I have valued efficiency over people is a swing and a miss for me because in this field, like people are the most important thing. And I would say in most every career, like your staff are the most important. The people you're serving are the most important. I can think of one example we had this past year. We do a backpack drive for all of the moms who have ever been at Mother's Refuge to help their kiddos get school supplies to go back to school. And we always figure out where they're and we customize their, based on what school sup school, right? Well in a m you know, we were quickly being efficient. We had o like, hey, I'll take care we went that route. Well, with one donor to cover all weren't customized to each happen to be out of town at got the backpacks. w they were for the kids of the teenagers. And so we had a little bit of an oversight there. And so I think sometimes just being trying to be efficient instead of really focusing in on what do the people need? Like what do our young moms need? Because when you're a young single mom struggling to make ends meet, buying a pair of scissors, buying more notebooks, like that's not in their budget. And so being able to take a step back, you know, see big vision, but also see small vision and look in. and make sure that we're really meeting people where they are in meeting needs.

speaker-0: It's great. And those relationships are everything. mean, you and I had a discussion before we came on about a little bit about efficiency and doing what you need to do, want to do. So I think it actually applies to what you're talking about. Yeah. You know, those people in those relationships in what you're doing and what I'm doing, what all of us do, right, are always the most important. I would argue that in in your world even more important because it oftentimes can save lives. How about small ball? You talk about being a young leader now. an emerging leader. are a leader. mean, but that'll continue to grow. By the way, when you're old, you're still learning. that never stops. At least I think I still am. What is small ball to you? What are the little things that add up to big results?

speaker-1: I think taking care of myself, and I would say this to everyone on staff, like being able to take our own needs into account and practice good self-care. When you're working, especially in social service, we talked about some of the hard stories we're hearing. There's a lot of secondary trauma that can take place that you can take home with you and wear. so being able to know when we need to reset and... being able to take some time to really make sure that we're balancing, ⁓ you know, family and work because it's easy to be like, you know, I'm staying, you see the need and so you want to stay late and do all the things and grow all the programs and all of those things are incredible, but it's so important to make sure that we leave room for taking care of ourselves so that when it is time to say yes, we're giving our best yes, because we're saying no to the other things that don't necessarily need it. And I think with that meeting people where they're at, right? So whether that's clients, whether that's staff, whatever they come in, wherever they're at, meeting them there and really trying to empower and restore hope from the place that they're at, because we can't change people overnight, can't make them into what we want as leaders. Like we just have to meet them where they're at, make sure we're taking care of ourselves and they're taking care of themselves.

speaker-0: Great advice starts with you. It's the old airplane, know, take the oxygen first. Put your mask on first. And I know we kind of half listened to that, but that is the part we always remember. Okay, four final questions as we were on the basis. The first one, you're a mother yourself now, and I'm wondering now as you maybe see some of this go full cycle, how you've processed all of that, because my guess is that you have had more opportunity.

speaker-1: Put your mask on first.

speaker-0: and ability to take care of your kids while watching and helping others with the resources for them. I would think wanting to be where you're at, wanting to, not that you or any of us parents have it perfect, but I think that those of us that are lucky enough to understand that we do have a roof, we did have diapers, I say did, because mine are now in their 20s, but on and on and on, right? That to me, that is a privilege in some form or another. And they're just trying to. figure that out. How has that affected your perspective as a assistant executive director, as a leader, but also as mother?

speaker-1: Yeah, well, that's a great question. As you mentioned, diapers, I am nine and a half years in to diapers and we are working on potty training our last one so I cannot wait. Yes, having four kids is lots of diapers all at once. But you know, it has made me realize how essential a support system is. I'm married and I say to my husband all the time, I couldn't do this. I couldn't be used in this way and serve moms the way that I do if I didn't have you a solid dad at home taking care of.

speaker-0: Almost there.

speaker-1: the kids while I do this. And so I don't take any of that lightly as I meet with our moms and we're talking through obstacles and daycare and how are we going to make all of this work and knowing that, yeah, I do bring some privilege to the table for sure. ⁓ When we first got married and had our first kid, we struggled. So we did go through, I went through that season of struggle financially and I was trying to get my masters and lots of debt from school. My husband was working, we had a baby. I had a really hard time with postpartum. And so I did have a little bit of that struggle. We've had a couple of miscarriages as well. And so some of that loss. And so there are pieces that I definitely ⁓ have empathy and sympathy for and have walked through myself. But standing where I am today, I really try and use it as inspiration to our moms. And I've built a lot of relationship on that of like, you know, you can get where you wanna go if you put in the work and you really take the steps to get out of poverty. what we know even just real quick, Joel, about kids and the first five years of a kid's life, if we can lessen trauma, if we can lessen their exposure to what we call adverse childhood experiences, we are really able, those kids are... way more resilient as they become adults. And so that's what we're really trying to hit as well here at Mother's Refuge is making sure that, you know, a mom can stay in the maternity home three years while she can stay in the transitional living program another three years. And so with that, we're really covering those first early years of a kid's life, trying to really break those cycles. And so as I'm talking with moms, I'm really trying to empower them on that. Like you're doing it. You've chosen safety over a number of other things. You're choosing stability. And because of that, you're gonna be able to soar. And so just constantly reminding them of that.

speaker-0: Second question is we were on the basis. All right, so four kids at home. The youngest isn't gonna understand this, but I've got to think that your oldest has at least an idea of what mom does for work and probably asking questions. And I bring all this up because I'm thinking that your kids actually might have the kind of exposure you did in your case to foster care at an even earlier age. What kind of questions are they asking you?

speaker-1: That is, that's such a great point. And I am already seeing a lot of that. So my oldest two are actually, you know, they're nine and six and they're biological kiddos. And then we have adopted our youngest two kiddos. So we have four year old twins. They just turned four, honoree and sweet as ever. But my kids actually were exposed to foster care inside of our home as well. When we opened our home, we had a few kiddos. and then we took the twins and they stuck and they're with us forever now and so overjoyed that they are. ⁓ But they've seen that in our home and they've seen the work that I do as well. And it's been really cool. We are a family of faith. And so just even hearing my kiddos pray at night for the homeless, for moms who don't have a place to sleep. And I can see their hearts already being softened and already being moved. And the nights that I have to work late and the questions aren't like, you know, why are you jus They understand that it's families making so that ot cannot be living on the s they can have safety and t and I would really challe to this to like think abou your kids in your job or that you're doing, whethe or you're going out and v them about it because you world changers. I'm doing as ⁓

speaker-0: age. And I'm on the other end of it. mean, I now see my 20 and 23 year old modeling a lot of what they saw from us. Hopefully the good stuff, not the bad stuff, but they're my greater point is that they pay attention. They see it even when even when you don't think they're paying attention. And so kudos to you and your husband for that and for managing for I still never know how anybody does it. I've got a lot of friends that that manage for and I'm not one of them.

speaker-1: I think I can thank my parents for that though, because since they opened up our home, they currently, my parents are in their 60s and they have four kids at home right now. Two of them are adopted, they're still fostering. And so they've really created that legacy that we're trying to live out too. But man, it's tough.

speaker-0: Hi, third question is we were on the basis. How do you and your staff for that matter, take care of yourselves emotionally, mentally? We all deal with mental health now. I'm not afraid to mention that it's part of the world that we live in, but you're dealing with a lot of heavy stuff. I I always wonder about, you know, doctors and first responders and healthcare workers. I'm just going to talk about a baseball game. Doesn't mean that I don't deal with some stuff myself. Right, right. because some of the stories that I have to tell do involve tragedy and do involve challenge and all of that. We all deal with it, but I feel like in your role, your staff's role, there's probably something on an everyday basis that could potentially rock you. So how do you keep yourself grounded?

speaker-1: Yeah, I think you know, their own personal ways. Bu we are constantly asking o are you doing to take care you need for me as a supervis that constant check in wit to know how are you doing? email this morning from feeling really anxious ab should I do? We, a lot o counselors, you know, peo because it's really tough when you get to a place where you're hearing hard stories and your brain is all sorts of like, hold on a second, am I safe? The fight, flight or freeze comes up and just as a secondary response to something that somebody else is going through. so I think continuing to reflect kind of as I talked about the swing and a miss, like any time that I have. valued efficiency over pe that's that's when it gets and I think just conti time, make sure that staff

speaker-0: love that and I want to end it on a high note not that that was a negative note either but I think one of my favorite parts of the website it speaks so much to what I believe in there's a stories page ⁓ mothers refuge org slash stories I'd encourage everybody to go on there and the headline it's a beautiful headline and the word beautiful is in there behind every face is a beautiful story as a storyteller myself I've always believed everyone has a story to tell Oftentimes they could be overlooked. ⁓ They're not always easy. But I think that, you know, the sense that I get is that that every one of these faces does have a beautiful story and they are putting things together and it's not really easy. You see those stories every single day. The positive parts of that, I'm sure will keep you going. The negative parts are maybe what fuel you to make an impact. Do you have one? You did mention one before. But do you have one that really stands out whether it be on that page or elsewhere that just is one of those that you're going to tell forever?

speaker-1: I do. have quite a few. So I'm trying to narrow down which one I want to share with you today. We really could. And I love to tell their stories too, because I think that's... I the moms this a lot. I'm like, when you share your story, you're not taking the stance of a victim. You're taking the stance of a survivor and you're demonstrating to other people that they can also overcome really hard things. And so we really do try and empower our moms to tell stories, which is why you see a story page on there. We honor our moms.

speaker-0: to whole other episode.

speaker-1: We choose a mom of the year every year and honor her and tell her story from a platform at our annual gala. And we just love to highlight our moms because they're incredible. But as I'm thinking through a story, one comes up from a mom who came to us, man, this was probably six years ago. She'd been literally living in a tent under a bridge with an abusive man. And praise God, someone who lived upon a hill saw her under this bridge and took the time. which this is that putting people first thing, took the time to go and speak with her. She knew about this, this woman knew about Mother's Refuge, told her about Mother's Refuge. They called together. She was able to get right in and come to us. ⁓ She learned so much while she was in our program. She finished high school. She got a career. Funny enough, she had never really had anyone show her how to keep a place clean. So when she first came to us, her room was a mess. She didn't even know how to hang clothes in a closet. And so one of our staff just sat with her and showed her system, systems for organization, systems for cleaning. Here's how you hang your clothes. Here's what this looks like. The things that we take for granted. ⁓ She was able to sit and teach her and her room was immaculate after that. She got a job in cleaning ⁓ and it's just a... wonderful mom. She has a still comes back to our af is just so great. Well, jellie for christmas. Like a great heart and she see family and just watching things and now she mainta and has a job and is a it is just that's one of Just watching them really reach their goals and live empowered lives has been just so rewarding and so cool.

speaker-0: So powerful, yes, I knew you'd have many. So the hard part was finding which one to go with, and it could have been any one of them. But I think that's the essence of the work that's being done at Mother's Refuge. And I thought that'd be a great way to end things for anyone that is listening or watching. If you want more information, whether it be about the capital campaign, their events, ways to donate, volunteer, whatever it might be, it's all on the website, mothersrefuge.org. Shout out as well to Angel. for all the work that she is doing and all of your staff as well. Kelsey, you're rock star. I mean that very sincerely because you're doing unbelievable life-changing work at, I think, a young age while also being a mom to four and a wife. You got a lot going on and you're making an impact. So I really appreciate you spending time on Robin DeVasis.

speaker-1: Well thank you Joel, it's been an honor to be here. Really appreciate it.

speaker-0: you